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Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

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Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#21

Post by sathackr »

throwaway84742 wrote: post #15

Here are my results so far: 1. MS Family Safety: can be easily turned off by the child 2. Kaspersky Safe Kids: doesn’t really work at all. 3. Qustodio: doesn’t block apps, so kinda useless. It blocks some, but not others. I would pay good money for something that does work. As things are now, my 14 yo can only use his computer under adult supervision to do his homework. Otherwise he doesn’t do it at all. I don’t even…

We use sophos UTM. It's free for personal use and works about as good as it can work.

It filters based on site category and does SSL interception.

We have a VPN on the mobile devices that funnels all traffic through the home network so that it is monitored and protected no matter where they are.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#22

Post by headsoup »

Simulacra wrote: post #3

Well, yes, of course. Teens want independence from their parents, and they have a natural predisposition to push boundaries.

But that really has not much to do with it. It's a trust issue. Build a foundation of trust and mutual respect and you shouldn't need to monitor them, because they'll be asking you for guidance or respecting what is provided.

Unconditional love and all that, rather than discipline or else. If kids don't trust their parents and rely on them being there, they'll turn to friends, and well, other kids aren't generally the best role models or advisers...

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#23

Post by headsoup »

RandallBrown wrote: post #18
sevensor wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's tricky -- teachers are in loco parentis , so does that also apply to equipment distributed by the school system? At any rate, I know it annoys the kids, but it gets them off to a good start circumventing technological lockdowns. So at least they're learning a valuable computer skill.

One of my coworkers had a bit of battle going on with his son where the son would figure out how to disable/circumvent the device tracking and he would have to figure out some way of doing it. I'm not sure how it turned out, but at one point he installed an app on the phone that would let him text his son a certain message and it would silently respond with his location.

Perhaps he should have sat down with his son and asked what important things he was after that kept being blocked, show some understanding and then have some open discussion about the implications.

Or just double-down and play 'how far will he push it...'

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#24

Post by kristianc »

Monitoring Apps attack the symptom and not the cause. I used to argue a lot with my parents when I was growing up because I wanted to code websites and teach myself to code.

This came at the expense of my IT homework and schoolwork, which wanted to teach me how to use Word, Access and PowerPoint. Like a lot of people my age, my first exposure to code was hacking at a MySpace profile and a Geocities page.

I ended up getting a good degree but owe much more of my current career to that early tinkering than anyone forcing me to learn Word Processing software. I wonder if the same mistakes are being made now trying to keep kids from using Minecraft.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#25

Post by Balero »

efdee wrote: post #5

If it makes them study, why not! Edit: This was a lame joke based on the original, broken title of this submission. I do not condone teen monitoring apps in any way.

The amount a person studies isn't the be all and end all. Your statement is too simplistic.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#26

Post by madcaptenor »

Al-Khwarizmi wrote: post #17
currymj wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

this is probably the most infuriating thing about academic CS, is condescension from people in every other field about this fact.

It's even more infuriating to work in a country where the rules for decisions (tenure, periodical assessments, etc) are common between disciplines, so non-journal papers are worth around zero, and your whole subfield pivots around conferences... Common decision in my career: what do I prefer for this paper? That people actually read and cite it, or that it counts for tenure and other career stuff? Many colleagues I k…

Former academic mathematician here.

The American Mathematical Society has made periodic statements (2004: http://www.ams.org/profession/leaders/culture/CultureStateme... . 2009: https://www.ams.org/profession/leaders/culture/CultureStatem...) basically saying that in math, author order is generally alphabetical, as opposed to the lab sciences where lots of information is encoded in the order of the authors. (I'm not sure how author order works in CS.) I believe the purpose of this statement is to submit it with cases for hiring, promotion, tenure, etc. where non-mathematicians will be evaluating mathematicians.

I wonder if some professional society has made an equivalent "conferences count like journals in CS" statement.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#27

Post by mieseratte »

throwaway84742 wrote: post #15

Here are my results so far: 1. MS Family Safety: can be easily turned off by the child 2. Kaspersky Safe Kids: doesn’t really work at all. 3. Qustodio: doesn’t block apps, so kinda useless. It blocks some, but not others. I would pay good money for something that does work. As things are now, my 14 yo can only use his computer under adult supervision to do his homework. Otherwise he doesn’t do it at all. I don’t even…

If you're lucky, you'll accidentally turn your child into a hacker.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#28

Post by asaph »

throwaway84742 wrote: post #15

Here are my results so far: 1. MS Family Safety: can be easily turned off by the child 2. Kaspersky Safe Kids: doesn’t really work at all. 3. Qustodio: doesn’t block apps, so kinda useless. It blocks some, but not others. I would pay good money for something that does work. As things are now, my 14 yo can only use his computer under adult supervision to do his homework. Otherwise he doesn’t do it at all. I don’t even…

What would you have done at his age? Would you have done your homework promptly or played video games first? Did you ever skip your homework altogether? Be honest.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#29

Post by madcaptenor »

madcaptenor wrote: post #26
Al-Khwarizmi wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's even more infuriating to work in a country where the rules for decisions (tenure, periodical assessments, etc) are common between disciplines, so non-journal papers are worth around zero, and your whole subfield pivots around conferences... Common decision in my career: what do I prefer for this paper? That people actually read and cite it, or that it counts for tenure and other career stuff? Many colleagues I k…

Former academic mathematician here. The American Mathematical Society has made periodic statements (2004: http://www.ams.org/profession/leaders/culture/CultureStateme... . 2009: https://www.ams.org/profession/leaders/culture/CultureStatem... ) basically saying that in math, author order is generally alphabetical, as opposed to the lab sciences where lots of information is encoded in the order of the authors. (I'm not…

Maybe see for example https://homes.cs.washington.edu/~mernst/advice/conferences-v... and the links therein.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#30

Post by knd775 »

erispoe wrote: post #13
nickthegreek wrote: post #6

When I was a young boy in the 90s, my libertarian aligned father let me use the computer and access the internet. He explained to me that I shouldn't visit certain type of sites, I should never give out my name or address and that he had software installed to monitor what happened on the computer. He explained that this wasn't a breach of trust between us as I was using his equipment and that I had to abide by his ru…

It's not so much about the breach of trust than about raising independent, well-functioning individuals. There's good evidence than sheltering kids and not allowing them to experiment on their own terms, including by experiencing the consequences of their own actions, does not create well adapted adults. Parents who install monitoring systems are prioritizing their own short-term well-being and peace of mind at the e…

Exactly!

Not quite the same thing, but related: When I was growing up, my parents would make me do all of my homework on their schedule and under their supervision. They reasoned that I wouldn't do it otherwise. That ended up being a self-fulfilling prophecy and now I struggle with time management issues and procrastination.

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