Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

91–100 of 130 posts

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#91

Post by mathgenius »

muzuq wrote: post #78
mathgenius wrote: post #74

Two more ideas from me: 1) Toastmasters. This is like alcoholics anonymous for people that are addicted to shyness. And very likely there will be some people there that are even more quiet and introverted than you are. 2) Social dancing. I'm guessing you are male, in which case you will be in high demand. Even if you are overweight & ugly as sin, if you can keep a beat then the girls are gonna want some. If you are a…

It seems like dancing is a super popular suggestion. I keep saying to myself that I'd be no good and it'd be embarassing, not to mention I'm not (never have been) a "dancer" but I'm thinking this swarm intellect might have a point... And perhaps I should seriously consider signing up for a beginner dance class. Any reason why Tango is where the nerds end up?

Tango is the most free: every step is improvised. Maybe at the beginning the focus is on sequences (of steps), but you quickly leave this behind. So the "nerds" like this because you can do all kinds of creative stuff, without having to stick to "one-two-cha-cha-cha" or whatever. For some people this is too much, and they need sequences, but for me I am hopeless at memorizing the moves but am good at just negotiating the basic mechanics of the situation. Tango is also very "introverted": from the outside it doesn't look like much is happening! (i'm not talking about performance tango obviously..)

I would suggest you try whatever dance attracts you. For example, consider if you like the music. You might like swing, but I find it's too energetic & bouncy for me. Salsa always seems to have the music up way too loud. If you do try tango, stay away from "ballroom" tango, the real one is the argentine tango.

But yeah, be prepared to be not good at it at the start! It should be ok though, especially if you enjoy it, it wont matter how many moves you can do. It's all about letting go of the thinking mind and just being present to the moment.

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#93

Post by zapperdapper »

zapperdapper wrote: post #87
lastflowers wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the most bizarre comment that might actually make me go visit a place. Sounds like a different world!

haha - yeah! I'd be happy to send you some pics and some of my writings about the place, but I don't know how to do that! Sorry! It is a different world!

I've put my email in my HN profile so email me if you want more info. Cheers!

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#94

Post by muzuq »

malux85 wrote: post #73

Send me an email and I'll invite you to our "Solo Founders" slack channel, it's not super active, but if you're feeling lonely or just wanna chat, it's nice to have a few regulars to reach out to. We all help each other, which can be handy to bounce tech problems off too

Thank-you for your offer, might just have to take you up on it!

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#95

Post by companyhen »

zapperdapper wrote: post #69

Go to Bangkok. Find a Starbucks. Order your drink of choice. Within 30 minutes you will be chatted up by a girl. Enjoy! p.s. This happened to me back in 2003. We were together for three years. Got addicted to the lifestyle in Thailand - eating out with friends every night, going out to the islands, beaches, diving, golf, malls etc. I worked remotely. My g/f had a lot of friends too. It was a lot of fun. Beats eating…

I was in Thailand for 3+ months (Jan to April) and worked in coffee shops and co-working spaces M-F usually 10-5 and never was approached by a girl at a coffee shop. Was my first time outside North America. I had good success dating there on Tinder though! I'd actually get daily matches there, where back in the US I get none. The only issue I had was sometimes the girl I met could type English well, but had trouble with speaking so it was hard to have a convo past hello and how are you when we met in person.

Overall, I've never been to a place where it was easier to meet new people and make new friends. I liked Chiang Mai more than Bangkok, but they're definitely two of my favorite cities ever. Koh Lanta is also a paradise.

I'm planning to go back in January again. The lifestyle there is perfect for me at this point in my life (28 year old web developer).

Some pics from my trip: https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B45Al_n9xsrna25kZ0RFdXBOb0...

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#96

Post by muzuq »

mindhash wrote: post #57

My situation is a bit different. I work from home, it's gets really lonely at times. i focus on activities. I go out on bike, join biking groups on weekends once in a while, take long walks, go hiking with friends, play soccer on weekends, and ride a motorcycle. Through activities I have something to look forward and that's the basis of life. I do meet passing crowd through activities though only a few continue to be…

Thank-you for sharing your situation. I think the more discussion on this topic, the better for all of us.

Walking/hiking seems like an easy habit to get in to with benefits abound.

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#97

Post by muzuq »

lhuser123 wrote: post #26

Thanks for this question. I think many people will be curious about the comments here. In my case, I have stopped thinking about it. Admittedly, some days it's not so easy, but the next day it's gone. What can I say. Some people like parties, others like strange things, and we like to be alone.

I'm very happy to see such a lively, helpful discussion sparked from my post.

May I ask what you do on the days that it is bothering you? Do you just keep going until it doesnt bother you?

I find that I can do this, and have been doing this. It's just lately... The days I'm stuck living and feeling my loneliness outweigh the days I forget about it.

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#98

Post by muzuq »

nxsynonym wrote: post #75

Loneliness is more widespread than you could imagine, and it effects every person differently. The easiest way to develop friendships or make connections with people is to show up regularly to a scheduled event. Even if you are the shyest, most social awkward person in the world, if you keep showing up to a regular event you will help combat loneliness. My first suggestion is physical activities. If you're not alread…

Thank-you for the indepth reply! I think a lot of valuable information is there.

I usually don't feel afraid of "looking lonely" but, there have been a few times I stop myself from going and grabbing a dinner at a bar / diner or whatever because I get caught up thinking people are going to pity me for being out to dinner alone.

I really like the counter-invite idea you mentioned in your last paragraph. I've been trying to say "yes" to everything I can but sometimes I just can't make it, and I've never thought to counter-invite.

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#99

Post by muzuq »

hluska wrote: post #47

If you're anywhere near Regina, Canada, my name is Greg and my email is in my profile. I'll take you out and introduce you to the finest people I know. That aside, you've received some excellent advice in this thread. I won't reiterate any of it. Instead, I just want to say that you're very brave to come here and make a post like that. I wish you the absolute best. Feel free to email me if I can be of any help.

I don't feel brave. I just feel happy that this conversation can be had without judgement, without trolls, without feeling badly about mentioning it.

I'm not near Regina, but your offer means a lot to me. Seriously.

Thank you.

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#100

Post by monster_group »

You are wise to seek out advise on this. Loneliness is a terrible thing that can have very serious consequences like depression. Lot of comments here are suggesting activities like dancing etc. There is no harm in doing these activities but you have to do them because they interest you and you enjoy doing them. If you try to do things just to meet people, you will surely meet people but they will not become your friends because you have different interests/ personalities and have less in common with them. Do things that you like (sports, music, video games etc.) and seek out people who do those things. You will make friends more easily. Also, do not disregard friends that you made in school/college. They can be lifelong friends. If you have lost contact with them, seek out contact again. If you are religious, go to your church/temple/mosque. Sense of community, belonging and socialization are some of the biggest benefits of religion. It is likely to alleviate loneliness.
Post reply on HN