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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#831

Post by cparsons3000 »

oryyx wrote: post #825
cparsons3000 wrote: post #819

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you tried meeting or just talking to anyone on Okcupid or Tinder? Or tried chatting with folks on Twitch?

Yeah, I met some women (mostly on OKC) a couple years ago. Went on about 5 dates with 5 different women. Only clicked with one; we setup a second date, and she cancelled on me last minute to say that she was getting back together with her ex. Honestly though, as much as I want to be with someone -- I don't know if it's the best time. I'm basically a depressed man-child, living on grant money and parental support. My…

I would say make it a priority to do a small thing every single day to make yourself feel better. Eating healthy, exercising, and sleeping well. Maybe even see a Dr. to get anti-depressants. I went on anti-depressants a while ago and it allowed me get my life to a place where I no longer need them and feel the best I've ever felt. It just takes time. I don't think experience will matter to a girl that likes you. It just takes time to find the right girl but you need to keep going on dates. I probably went on 40+ dates.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#832

Post by mac01021 »

Existenceblinks wrote: post #629
Robotbeat wrote: post #276

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's an extremely negative-sum way of viewing the world. Some individual humans (and even communities) can and have had a net-positive impact on the environment. For instance, did the parents of Greta Thunberg have a net-negative impact on the world by choosing to bring her into it? When people implicitly say that bringing children in the world is necessarily a net-negative on climate, they're implying that their l…

> Because the world will NEED people with those values in the future .. The world doesn't even need human or dinosaur. It will work just fine.

I'm pretty sure that by "the world" the GP meant human civilization.

And I feel like that's obvious enough that this objection that you and others raise has to be willful, disingenuous misinterpretation, just to be disagreeable or something.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#833

Post by actuator »

durnygbur wrote: post #87
decasia wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with your first point — like other structural problems, loneliness adds up over time. But on the second point, I'm really not sure that online social networks are just a "surface-level mirage." I met my spouse online, and many of my closest friendships have developed online, by instant message, etc. I don't think the alternative to "online communication" is necessarily that we will all socialize in person. If…

The opposite over here. Met less than a dozen at most of people exclusively through various online interactions. Use various online media and platforms only to sustain existing relationships and even this not always works. Dating and social networking applications from the FB platform are so full of attention absorbing people, inflencers, and similar that I have quit these long time ago.

Can't agree more with this. Social media apps kind of force people to post(show off) about their lives constantly; with people feeling the need to broadcast even trivial things in their life like a morning coffee. Things like stories makes it even worse as people viewing/commenting on stories gives you that dopamine fix throughout the day and you crave for more of the same by constantly posting.

I like the idea of these platforms for content creators like photographers, athletes etc. but overall I see a lot more negative than positive for common users.

Online dating apps are the worst and I even found myself getting sucked into the whole attention thing. I quit it when I realized a lot of women I was talking to/went on dates, was just to get the ego boost. It was very unhealthy for me and definitely not fair for the other person.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#834

Post by gnufied »

jriot wrote: post #552
camelNotation wrote: post #228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have less than five kids, but more than one kid. My kids cause me a lot of stress. The burden of knowing I have to deal with them and their energetic, ridiculous antics every day when I get home really drains me. I don't really have time to exercise anymore because from sun-up to sundown I am dealing with them, so I'm slightly overweight and out of shape in a way I was not before I had kids. My diet isn't as divers…

Appears to be a personal choice. My wife and I have two kids, we are both in the best shape of our lives, eat better than before, and our kids are quite healthy - participating in gymnastics, volleyball, and roller derby.

Do not judge too harshly... it may not be personal choice.

Life is hard as parent but a variety of things can exacerbate problems such as: both husband and wife working, work place requires long travel, age gap between children, having children with special needs etcetra..

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#835

Post by daveheq »

I think the increase in ostracization, bullying, and shallow celebrity reality shows has caused people to feel like they can barely do anything without being shamed, criticized, or ridiculed for showing a bit of difference from the established TV/movie/politically-correct norm. The divisiveness in owner/worker rich/poor and politician/voter has only sprayed fuel on the fire. Nevermind stagnating wages causing young folks to hold out on having children giving them less incentive to marry.

I don't know how many times I've heard about people not even being able to have conversations at the dinner table because of some stupid hot-button political issue that people feel they have to go hard-line on or take to the extreme just to get a little bit of gloat over things that are trumped-up in the mainstream/YouTube media. If you're the head of the household or workplace or friend group and you don't lay down the law about this kind of divisiveness, then you're letting the people you love tear each other apart.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#836

Post by picometer »

holler wrote: post #823

If anyone lives in Seattle and is feeling lonely hit me up! I'll grab coffee with you any time. I'm 35 & a few years ago my loneliness spiraled out of control and almost killed me. I had a lot of crap from my late teens -> late 20's and it led me to a dark place. I know what it's like to be in that place. I got sober and turned things around. Now I work remote and have a flexible schedule. Life is good! I love the go…

My friend made an app for this, and it's live in Seattle - https://www.jointhaw.com/

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#837

Post by graycat »

Clearly there are 1-2 people in this thread who, for no good reason, no rationally, deeply, profoundly, bitterly HATE me. To them, it's not my writing they hate but ME. That is your failure, not mine.

They might attack me if I posted 2 + 2 = 4. They are so angry that if they were physically close they would pick up a weapon and try to hurt me. Sick-o stuff.

Some nerds are emotionally, socially, and psychologically backward, and apparently a bunch of hackers are a good place to find such people.

Clearly there are 1-2 here.

Yes, there is old advice -- never discuss sex, religion, or politics because too many people are sick-o and go all irrationally, emotionally wack-o.

Nevertheless the theme of OP and this thread is darned important -- of COURSE we are lonely. Bluntly the reason is that we are abject, total, essentially suicidal FAILURES at family formation, so bad, did I mention, we are having so few babies we are going EXTINCT.

So, clearly there is something profoundly wrong with our culture. Of course, there is a cure: Darwin is on the case and will solve the problem in just a few generations.

In strong contrast, from 1800 to 1850, the US population of European descent multiplied by a factor of 4!!!! That's a LOT of babies nearly all the time by nearly all the women. That was GREAT family formation, since the generations were so short, maybe just 16 years, with each mother awash with women the same age or older right there to help. It worked GREAT.

Now? Grade flat F-. Going extinct.

So, we can correct this issue of "sex" and family formation or continue to fail.

Obviously most of our attitudes on family formation are just sick-o.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#838

Post by bscphil »

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #717
jniedrauer wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bringing a child into the world to increase my own personal happiness, when nothing else I could do has such a direct and massive climate impact, is not something I can justify personally. Not to mention, my child would have to live to see the impacts of climate change. There is coming a point (it has already passed, in my opinion), where we can no longer justify our purpose for existence as "creating more humans."

> There is coming a point (it has already passed, in my opinion), where we can no longer justify our purpose for existence as "creating more humans." Two comments. First, within evolution (true, a brutal and inhumane theory), the point of life is exactly to survive and reproduce. It is literally unnatural to deliberately choose to not have children (unless you don't believe in evolution). Second, I presume that you d…

>It is literally unnatural to deliberately choose to not have children

Something's being natural or unnatural has no bearing on whether it is right or wrong. I assume that when the OP says "we can no longer justify" they are making a moral claim, which means that saying it's "unnatural" to not reproduce is failing to be relevant.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#839

Post by oryyx »

cparsons3000 wrote: post #831
oryyx wrote: post #825

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I met some women (mostly on OKC) a couple years ago. Went on about 5 dates with 5 different women. Only clicked with one; we setup a second date, and she cancelled on me last minute to say that she was getting back together with her ex. Honestly though, as much as I want to be with someone -- I don't know if it's the best time. I'm basically a depressed man-child, living on grant money and parental support. My…

I would say make it a priority to do a small thing every single day to make yourself feel better. Eating healthy, exercising, and sleeping well. Maybe even see a Dr. to get anti-depressants. I went on anti-depressants a while ago and it allowed me get my life to a place where I no longer need them and feel the best I've ever felt. It just takes time. I don't think experience will matter to a girl that likes you. It j…

Thanks for the suggestions, I appreciate it. My diet is fine, and I surf often for a bit of exercise, but my sleep patterns are definitely not optimal as a student. Unfortunately, I've tried just about every SSRI on the market and they're not for me. Was up to 30-40mg of Prozac a few years ago; it replaced my feelings of hopelessness with extreme apathy, which was not good in retrospect (plus the weight gain). I've been diagnosed with dysthymia since like middle school.

But yeah, I'll probably retry the online dating scene when I get a source of income that's not from school/family. In the meantime, my dream is to be stable enough to have a dog.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#840

Post by navs »

I hear a lot of people admit to depression, anxiety, OCD but rarely do I hear mention of loneliness. I don't have a close circle of friends and my primary social interaction comes from local meetups. I run two, one of which is focused on mental health topics. I've met a lot of people through it and never once heard mention of loneliness.

There's a subreddit, r/foreveralone, where I sometimes go seeking validation that others feel the same way. Are there others who received amazing information but have no one to share it with? I only find those stories on the internet. Do we need more celebrities coming out about their loneliness for it to become more socially acceptable to ask of someone: "I'm feeling really lonely, do you want to grab lunch?".

It's not so much that I'm not around people, I just don't have meaningful relationships with any of them. If I were to suddenly get married, aside from my mother, I don't know who else to invite to my wedding. The relationships feel superficial, career focused or just spur of the moment interactions.

I also fear that maybe I'm overly romanticising friendships and family. Is the image portrayed on tv the basis for what constitutes a meaningful relationship? Maybe it's ok to live life like this, with only passing interactions. Then I read something like this:

> Public-health researchers have known for a long time that unmarried men and women are at higher risk of early death from a variety of diseases

And wonder.

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