This reminds me of Grice's Maxims[1]. Lying is an impediment to communication.
The Surprisingly Large Cost of Telling Small Lies
81–89 of 89 posts
Re: The Surprisingly Large Cost of Telling Small Lies
#82Maybe my memory is bad, or perhaps I'm subconsciously "lying to myself," but I don't think I lie anywhere near as often as the author believes she and other people do, even about tiny things.
I'd be surprised if you don't tell small lies in 'conversational mode'. In natural speech, people generally make simplifications that edge towards oversimplification, or omissions that could be considered misleading if the omission is not fully understood by both parties, or false statements just because of a personal misconception (perhaps only realised later). That's a natural part of communicating at a reasonable…
I don't feel like I actively avoid white lies, but I can't think of many that I've told recently. When I was a kid, sure, I'd lie to my parents about little things, and in school I would invent or exaggerate excuses for late assignments, etc. But now I don't feel like there's much need to do that.
Of course, when you get into simplification and omission, things get more complicated. I've absolutely simplified basic things like where I'm from, or the exact timeline of my education, etc. And every time I say anything, I'm omitting, well, everyone that I don't say. The line there is definitely blurry.
Re: The Surprisingly Large Cost of Telling Small Lies
#83During my studies (conflict resolution), I had the opportunity to ask several mediators and negotiators who had worked on high-profile political cases about lying. It occurred often, but was by far the least favorite item in the toolbox of a negotiator. Many would rather make emotional / moral appeals to the opposing side than lie. Not because it wasn't effective (in some cases it could be quite effective), but becau…
Then again, in Poker, honesty is not really a winning strategy.
Actually, for most hands, honesty is helpful for arbitraging risk.
You need lying in poker, but it should be the exception. No one will buy your biggest bluffs otherwise.
Re: The Surprisingly Large Cost of Telling Small Lies
#84Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm not sure what's included in "be impeccable with your word" that isn't also included in the more mellifluous "don't lie".
Ruiz means by "be impeccable with your word": don't have negative thoughts about yourself. Basically don't be hard on yourself, rather you should have a good self image.
That appears to be a small part of his meaning, based on this quote copied from Wikipedia: "Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love..."
Re: The Surprisingly Large Cost of Telling Small Lies
#85Earlier quoted context omitted.
Then again, in Poker, honesty is not really a winning strategy.
Actually, for most hands, honesty is helpful for arbitraging risk. You need lying in poker, but it should be the exception. No one will buy your biggest bluffs otherwise.
How is that fundamentally different from lying outside of poker?
Re: The Surprisingly Large Cost of Telling Small Lies
#86>”Every time he sees a pitch, he waits until the end of the presentation before asking the entrepreneurs to go back through the deck and point out every lie they have just told.” This isn’t honesty so much as self-righteousness. >"If you are reading this post and thinking, “This doesn’t apply to me — I never lie,” you are probably lying to yourself." Same deal here. I find this to be the most frustrating part of prac…
Psychological tests reduce your points on honesty if you say yes to "I never lie"
that's why I lie on those tests and say no
Re: The Surprisingly Large Cost of Telling Small Lies
#87Earlier quoted context omitted.
Actually, for most hands, honesty is helpful for arbitraging risk. You need lying in poker, but it should be the exception. No one will buy your biggest bluffs otherwise.
How is that fundamentally different from lying outside of poker?
With poker, the thrill from the risk of getting caught is often why you play the game.
Re: The Surprisingly Large Cost of Telling Small Lies
#88Earlier quoted context omitted.
Actually, for most hands, honesty is helpful for arbitraging risk. You need lying in poker, but it should be the exception. No one will buy your biggest bluffs otherwise.
How is that fundamentally different from lying outside of poker?
Poker lies are short lived. Once the hand is over, it is done. But in real life you have to remember and maintain your lies. It takes a toll.
Re: The Surprisingly Large Cost of Telling Small Lies
#89I cannot agree with this more. I don't know when it was, maybe a few years ago now, that a wise man I met pointed out that brutal, total honesty makes life easier to live for yourself. He was right, overall -- I'm still not 100% perfect, but I took it to heart and tell the truth even when it will hurt me, or is difficult. This has a flow on effect in my life, where I am more motivated to do the right thing from the s…
I think 100% truthfulness is too hard to achieve when you are living in a society.
There are inconsequential lies (white lies?) that are ok in my book. Just grease for wheels of society.
How many guys can truthfully answer the question 'Honey does this dress make me look fat?' and not made to sleep on the couch?