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I'm a shut-in. This is my story

fighttheurgetofade.com

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Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#81

Post by javajosh »

Hey Ken, I see a deep internal contradiction in your belief system, and I want to point it out to you in the hopes that you can lead a happier, more fulfilled life. What is that contradiction?

   I want to be alone
   I want to make money
This does not compute. Creating things for money is a fundamentally social act. And indeed, the stuff of your life was all produced by others, from the house you live in to the clothes you wear to the food you eat. It was all build, manufactured, grown, distributed and sold by others. By consuming even these mundane things you've been integrated into society your whole life, even during these 5 years of isolation.

Now your childhood is over, and you know it is now time for you to create. But mere creation is not enough to make money. You need to create things that people want to buy. That means solving their problems, addressing their pain. And that means being social.

And, since money is vital for your very survival, you must be social to some extent. To rail against this fact is to rail against the need to eat, or to breath. Society is literally that vital to your existence. The fact that it is painful for you is bad luck. Just like asthmatics have it pretty hard when breathing itself can be painful. And just like an asthmatic, you need to figure out how to manage your condition so that you can breath again.

Don't worry about just "getting back to normal". Something tells me that you will remain a unique, talented individual even when you start socializing again.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#82

Post by barkingcat »

jawns wrote: post #42

"My name would be Kenneth Luke Erickson. I'd be male. I'd like blue. I would be a Gemini. I would be Christian. They'd chop off some of my penis so I'd never forget that last one." There's a common misconception that circumcision, for Christians, is a religious ritual or a religious requirement. In fact, it's just the opposite. Many Christian denominations (e.g. Catholicism) specifically DISALLOW circumcision, if it'…

Specifically, in many interpretations of Christianity, circumcision is not part of the observed religion (ie you don't need to have body parts chopped off or to have a certain type of diet to be a Christian)

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#83

Post by VLM »

lastbookworm wrote: post #70
undupe wrote: post #49

I wish there was a web community for shutins like myself who would like to no longer be shutins. It's definitely not Grouper - sorry, "ending loneliness" doesn't mean finding a girlfriend and being judged on your tagged Facebook photos (as someone who is actually lonely, I have no photos tagged, and I assume that's why Grouper never admitted me. You have to be unlonely to join Grouper, in reality.). The only people I…

I think this would definitely be helpful. Definitely something I will think about starting. You can really only get a handle on your emotions when you've someone that understands you and to do that you need to be able to express yourself without fear of rejection; a group of us would definitely help with that. All the resources for the socially isolated tend to be directed at; 1. Those that are depressed or insane. A…

"The very reason I withdrew from society"

It might be insightful to you, that you made a substantial Singular vs Plural mistake there. There's more than one society / culture, more than one way of life, more than one mode of socialization... Its a big planet, now go find the rest of it. Much like your story related numerous different places to physically live without getting the point there are numerous different cultures/societies to live in. As a much older dude than you, I found several (sub)cultures I like and happily socialize in. Lifestyle and culture of the masses, some parts are OK, some, maybe most, no. Reason, analyze, freely pick and choose, that is a feature, not a bug. Take reasoning engine, enter inadequate information, test and get confusing output, assume problem is the reasoning engine, not so. Its a big planet, there's more out there than just extroverted dominant media culture or nothingness. How to figure out the right way to live, that is the true education.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#84

Post by unconed »

RyanZAG wrote: post #37

I think you're wrong on one point: you constantly repeat how different and strange you are from everyone else. You're really not. As you mentioned at one point: you didn't want to go out and play, but the teacher forced you to do so. This is very common behavior, and teachers are forcing children every day to go out and play. Huge amount of people go through similar experiences to yours. Others start to lapse into an…

I identify with huge portions of this post. And if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that I don't think like most other people.

I don't mean "my ideas are better" or "I have superior reasoning skills". I mean "the tools that I use to reason about the world are not the same that most people appear to use".

It's the only logical explanation for the fact that several popular ways in which humans communicate ideas (e.g. lectures/podcasts or poetry/lyrics) seem meaningless and like an inefficient use of time to me. I'm a visual thinker, visual communicator, and I convert all the important ideas in my life into mental pictures and animations. Mnemonics seem like the most idiotic thing ever to me, like remembering a person's phone number instead of what they're like.

Here's another one: I don't have a voice in my head. When I learnt from reddit discussions that most people experience their inner thoughts as an inner monologue, I was flabbergasted. If I heard a voice, I would think I was going insane. To me, thought is a completely parallel process of association, words are simply not necessary, they only serve to unnecessarily clamp you down into linear trains of thought early on. For years, I assumed that "learning to think in another language" was simply a metaphor for a certain level of proficiency in constructing sentences on the fly. Apparently it's not.

There is a lot more variation in how our brains work than people are generally aware of. It's certainly not acknowledged in culture or education. I think this is where a lot of the sentiment of 'not being normal' comes from, and telling people to stop worrying about it is not productive. It's something they will continue to be faced with their entire lives, even as all the 'neurotypical' folks insist nothing's different about you and you just need to get out more.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#85

Post by nickknw »

Erwin wrote: post #38

This reminds me a bit of this first-person piece of autism-related sci-fi: http://www.amazon.com/The-Speed-Dark-Elizabeth-Moon/dp/03454... I used to keep a diary, where 13 years ago my entries were long monologues similar to this. There was a clear correlation between amount of personal and emotional human contact I had in a day and the length of the diary entries where I tried to reminisce going mushroom picking wit…

Just curious, which way did the correlation go? Less contact => Longer entries?

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#86

Post by HNaTTY »

thaumaturgy wrote: post #50
groby_b wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"I can't find a good professional, so using professional help is useless" - that is an odd conclusion to come to. Yes, many shrinks suck. It sucks dealing with them. I'll still shout "Find professional help" if that's what it'll take for that person. And that's the case here. You(OP) don't go and write a whole long screed how you'd like to be left alone to then justify said screed on a site like HN without actually,…

(Upvoting you just to move your comment above jpxxx's blithering stupidity.) I can't tell from your comment if you think I'm the author, but just FYI, I'm not. > I'll still shout "Find professional help" if that's what it'll take for that person. And that's the case here. OK, here's the thing, and it's really the only point I care to try to make here: telling someone to find professional help is not helpful. In fact,…

I have a treadmill in my basement, but three times a week I pay $5 to go to the rec center and run on their treadmill. Maybe half the time I use weights but usually I just run and then go home.

I pay the $5 because it encourages me to get the best use of my time.

I have a similar philosophy with going to work instead of working from home, and also with vegetables (I hate vegetables and do a lot of gardening).

I think "find professional help" is more akin to "you can get that if you want it and are willing to do the hard work" than "I can't help you", although I understand that it's hard being the recipient of that comment, which is often casually thrown out (and not at all out of the ordinary for K's story), and easy to take a negative view of it. Objectively it's not bad advice--everybody needs a sounding board IMO, it's a helpful tool to unwind after an eventful day.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#87

Post by pdonis »

deleted_account wrote: post #29
pdonis wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it's more sad to expect others to divine the solution to your problems when they have no point of reference I didn't get any sense that the author was expecting others to divine the solution to his problems; I think he was just irritated because they were besieging him with "concern" without actually helping any. I think it's sad when expressions of love and concern are rebuffed with a dismissive, "But you do…

I didn't get any sense that the author was expecting others to divine the solution to his problems; I think he was just irritated because they were besieging him with "concern" without actually helping any. Therein lies the contradiction. You presume the author isn't expecting solutions and yet he's justifiably irritated because other people aren't helping . I don't think he's justified at all. So many presumptions a…

he's justifiably irritated because other people aren't helping.

I didn't get the sense that that was the reason for his irritation. I got the sense that he was irritated because they were bothering him while he was trying to figure things out for himself, not that he was expecting them to help and they weren't.

No, she doesn't

She doesn't need to be willing to meet you halfway? Why not? How can someone possibly help at all (assuming help is what is desired in the first place, which it may not be--see above) if you have to do all the work?

she needs to hear, "I don't need advice, I need you to listen."

In some cases that may be appropriate, yes. But once again, it seemed to me like this author wanted to say something more like "Stop bothering me, I don't need help, I need to be left alone. I can't figure things out with you people bombarding me all the time."

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#88

Post by Domenic_S »

jmcqk6 wrote: post #58
jawns wrote: post #42

"My name would be Kenneth Luke Erickson. I'd be male. I'd like blue. I would be a Gemini. I would be Christian. They'd chop off some of my penis so I'd never forget that last one." There's a common misconception that circumcision, for Christians, is a religious ritual or a religious requirement. In fact, it's just the opposite. Many Christian denominations (e.g. Catholicism) specifically DISALLOW circumcision, if it'…

>In fact, it's just the opposite. Many Christian denominations (e.g. Catholicism) specifically DISALLOW circumcision, if it's done for religious reasons. On the other hand, many christian denominations (e.g. esp pentecostals) circumcise precisely for religious reasons. The simple fact is that while it might not be a religious ritual for some christians, it is for others christians. Oh, look at that, christians not be…

> Oh, look at that, people not being consistent from one type to another. What a surprise.

FTFY.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#89

Post by astine »

thaumaturgy wrote: post #26
jpxxx wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm going to put this in all caps because you are not paying my day rate: YOU ARE AN ABUSE SURVIVOR. Find professional help (NOW) to starting approaching it and dealing with it. Find professional help (NOW) to help manage your mental disorder (depression) which carries an enormous and present risk of self-harm. Get whatever the fuck is wrong with your foot fixed, and start walking out the door on the regular. You app…

> ...now be the best person in other people's lives. ...Why? I've spent most of the last ten years trying to do just that. Do you know what it has gotten me? Let me tell you what it has gotten me: friends and family that never call unless they need something; an utterly depleted bank account; a complete lack of respect or even human regard from my peers; a pile of strife and struggle and pain and misery and not one s…

No, do not live for others. Never live for others, because nobody will laud you for it -- in fact, people will find it laughable and openly sneer at you for it.

He wrote, "In the aftermath of emotional implosion; friends, family, colleagues and even strangers will metamorph into an invasive species from planet Concern," and I thought, "pfft, that must be lovely."

I know that I'm just a stranger on the Internet, but it sounds like you need to find yourself a better peer-group.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#90

Post by mtrimpe »

[deleted] wrote: post #66

[deleted]

That's a very specific diagnosis made from a quite widely interpretable blog-post.

I'm sure you mean well but these kinds of off-the-cuff diagnoses are, if not wrong, rarely of any benefit to the diagnosed.

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