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Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

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Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#81

Post by em-bee »

theresistor wrote: post #23

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/he…

split finances doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves

nor does it create them. my wife and i have separate bank accounts but we don't have a trust issue. payments are made by whoever is doing it from their account. if an account is low on money we just move some without any regards as to whose money it is or who earned it.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#82

Post by em-bee »

taeric wrote: post #57
theresistor wrote: post #23

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/he…

Stated differently, it is a technical solution to a social problem. I'd posit that it is plausible you could both be compatible with multiple accounts for different uses. Especially as you get fortunate enough to have enough income that you can split where it is deposited, there is no reason "joint account" means a single joint account.

that's a good point, we never formally merged our accounts, but my wife told me the pins to most of her debit cards. i don't know if i told her mine, but that's because the need to do that just never came up. so even though nominally the accounts are separate, in practice we treat all of them as shared.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#83

Post by scarface_74 »

civilized wrote: post #78
tw04 wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because joint accounts have always seemed weird and controlling to me? I don’t want my wife to have to “check in” when she wants to buy something. She can spend her money on whatever she wants. We split the bills according to our income (more or less) and discuss saving more when we know larger expenses like a trip or home improvements are on the horizon. I don’t need access to her checking accounts or credit cards b…

Are you under the impression that joint accounts require both partners to consent to a transaction?

It does just for logistics. If we have $1000 in our joint account and we both spend $600 without talking to the other, it’s going to overdraft.

On the other hand, if we both have our “own” account even if they are really joint accounts, that’s not a problem.

My wife doesn’t work now. I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on - and to make her whole once I “retired” her.

She has access to credit cards and our joint savings account if something comes up. She isn’t really a big spender and neither am I.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#85

Post by batiudrami »

wrp wrote: post #84

Something I've seen frequently in the business world is the husband and wife maintaining separate financial identities so that if one side's business goes bankrupt, a large chunk of the family wealth will be protected.

this is what limited liability corporations are for, no?

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#86

Post by dc3k »

I couldn't be happier with a hybrid setup. My gf and I have an account that we both contribute mortgage and utility money into. Our finances are otherwise completely separate. We buy whatever we want and trust each other to pay our share. It is extremely easy and has not once resulted in any arguments.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#88

Post by em-bee »

sn41 wrote: post #49
dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

I see joint accounts as snooping into each other's affairs. People should be able to have a large degree of independence. Maybe this study says otherwise. I still think that it is prudent to keep separate accounts, even if we are "unhappier".

i don't know but i feel that if you are not comfortable to share your spending habits with your partner then you already have a trust issue that you need to resolve. of course the same is true when one partner demands to see, instead of both being relaxed and share these things when it's convenient or you are trying to figure out a budget or taxes or you need to track if/when certain payments were made or something else that requires taking a look.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#89

Post by scubbo »

ryandrake wrote: post #54
dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

It just sounds like so much extra work. Transfer $X on date Y for Z bill, repeat for both partners x each bill. Good grief! Then, how do you avoid the strife over "personal" spending when one spouse makes much more than the other? I can buy a Porsche for myself because my salary is large, but my partner has to make do with a bicycle because she works at a non-profit? How do vacations and other shared things get paid…

> Transfer $X on date Y for Z bill, repeat for both partners x each bill. Good grief!

This takes me approximately 10 minutes a month to total up and send over as a Zelle request. Hardly arduous.

> How do vacations and other shared things get paid for? Equally? proportionally? I could see a fight happening in each of those systems.

Sure, if you haven't discussed ahead of time what your strategy is going to be and people are blindsided. If you have (in our case - general vacations are shared, vacations to go see one of our family are covered by that person), then not necessarily, no.

> What if one spouse decides to stop working? You pretty much have to switch to a single, joint account at that point, right?

My partner's been out of work for a few months now, and...no, we haven't.

EDIT: wait, hang on, I'm even more confused now, because:

> I can buy a Porsche for myself because my salary is large, but my partner has to make do with a bicycle because she works at a non-profit?

Surely that's _more_ stressful if you have a shared account? With separate accounts, you just do your thing - it's your money, you do with it what you will. If your money's in a shared account, you either have to suppress your desires (not a healthy thing to do in life, especially in a relationship), or have the conversation about how _I_ want to spend _our_ money.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#90

Post by aleph_minus_one »

hypertele-Xii wrote: post #32
paulryanrogers wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It can make inheritance simpler in some cases. And if the other person develops into an asshole (not that anyone plans to) then it can also be simpler when it comes time to part ways.

Marriage is supposed to end when you die, remember your vows?

> Marriage is supposed to end when you die, remember your vows?

Well, if these vows turn out to an issue, there do exist options to increase the probablity that one of the marriage partners dies ... ;-) ;-)

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