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I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

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Re: I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

#81

Post by majewsky »

aglavine wrote: post #65
DoreenMichele wrote: post #39

I cannot imagine posting so much about a child of mine without them being aware of it at all. I talk a lot about my sons. They know. If I feel it is a story with sensitive information, I run it past them to see if they are okay with me saying that. I can't really comprehend the thinking here of the family members who did this. They talk about her but not to her? That's the opposite of "social" behavior. That's treati…

This. She've never seen his mom's Facebook profile in 14 years? It seems fake.

How's she supposed to see it if she's not allowed to have a Facebook account?

Re: I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

#82

Post by tomcam »

jpfed wrote: post #71
gringoDan wrote: post #15

I sympathize with this perspective. I too would be livid and mortified if my family shared embarrassing photos of me in exchange for the quick dopamine hit that validation from acquaintances provides. I'm hopeful that in the next several years there is a pushback against social media and the idea that for an experience to be valid, it must be shared. There's something to be said for having an album of photos that you…

>There's something to be said for having an album of photos that you pull out a couple of times a year to show a select group of others. My perhaps unreasonable hope for a Facebook killer is just a paid personal archive of your own photos, writings, etc. with the assumption of privacy by default.

I call that Gsuite and/or iCloud, both of which I pay for.

Re: I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

#83

Post by mrunkel »

This seems to me (albeit as a probably completely unqualified person to have a real viewpoint here, as a 50ish male without children) to be much ado about nothing.

Somehow, perhaps because of the pervasiveness of social media, the sense of self has expanded quite a great deal.

In a family, and later in public life, we don't have the right to control how we are perceived in the public. (I know some countries in the EU have differing views on that, but I disagree with them as well).

Just as the daughter has the right to not share herself or her life on social media, I don't believe she has the right to demand approval of her mother's or sister's posts.

I would argue that the mother and the sister have an equal right to share their lives as they wish, that includes things that were given or said to them by the daughter that is now aghast that these items were shared further.

Freedoms are always a balancing act. Every time we expand our personal sphere of control, we are impinging on the sphere of control of someone else.

I mean, I get the sentiment, and I get that a 13/14 year old would be embarrassed by these types of things, but that is unfortunately what life is like. We get to control the things we say and do, but we don't get to control what others do with it.

Re: I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

#84

Post by Reedx »

gringoDan wrote: post #15

I sympathize with this perspective. I too would be livid and mortified if my family shared embarrassing photos of me in exchange for the quick dopamine hit that validation from acquaintances provides. I'm hopeful that in the next several years there is a pushback against social media and the idea that for an experience to be valid, it must be shared. There's something to be said for having an album of photos that you…

It's interesting how that changed within one generation in many cases. Millennials started using the Internet when conventional wisdom was to not use your real name online. Don't reveal your age or location. Don't post your photo. Use an anonymous name.

We went from that to the complete opposite.

Re: I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

#85

Post by 908087 »

koboll wrote: post #57
samayylmao wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I respectfully disagree. Children have a right to their own privacy from the rest of the world and it is a parents' responsibility to respect that. My son is only 11 months old but neither my wife, our family/friends, or myself post pictures of him or any intimate details on social media. They can be shared privately but not on social media.

Okay. Well then parents can go through and delete photos their kids want removed from Facebook. If the parent's Facebook is private, that'll probably be the end of that. Since I'm perfectly willing to do this for my child once they're old enough to form opinions about their own privacy, I don't see the problem with sharing photos of them to my private network while they aren't.

Yes, I'm sure "I'll delete it now if you want" will completely negate any feelings they have about the fact that you've already broadcast those things to hundreds or thousands of people (and a massive advertising corporation that thrives on the exploitation of personal information) for the last 14 years.

"The horses escaped. Quick, close the barn door!"

Re: I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

#86

Post by ck425 »

LeonM wrote: post #61
MattBearman wrote: post #6

My wife and I recently had our first child, and we decided we didn't want her to have any kind of social media presence until she was old enough to make that decision for herself. It's been a challenge ensuring friends and family don't post stuff about our daughter, but reading this reinforces that we're making the right choice.

I applaud you. My sister had a baby last year, and she's been posting and sharing photos and videos non-stop. Recently she asked me if I knew if hackers could break into baby monitor because she was worried some hacker may spy on her sleeping baby... I had a good laugh first, then I felt sad for her.

Hopefully you also discussed the ramifications of her sharing with her too.

Re: I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

#87

Post by astura »

I get mortified about some of the stuff I see parents posting about their kids on social media. It's like they don't even realize they are living beings with feelings of their own and not some lifeless prop. Especially when its complaining about the kid... do you really want to publish that comment? Are you ok with them seeing it one day?

I don't mind occasional non-embarrassing non-inappropriate pictures and stories, but FFS, please don't live stream their entire life, it just seems so disrespectful to the kid.

It's also uninteresting to everyone else but you and perhaps the grandparents to boot.

Re: I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

#88

Post by caprese »

LeonM wrote: post #61
MattBearman wrote: post #6

My wife and I recently had our first child, and we decided we didn't want her to have any kind of social media presence until she was old enough to make that decision for herself. It's been a challenge ensuring friends and family don't post stuff about our daughter, but reading this reinforces that we're making the right choice.

I applaud you. My sister had a baby last year, and she's been posting and sharing photos and videos non-stop. Recently she asked me if I knew if hackers could break into baby monitor because she was worried some hacker may spy on her sleeping baby... I had a good laugh first, then I felt sad for her.

> Recently she asked me if I knew if hackers could break into baby monitor because she was worried some hacker may spy on her sleeping baby... I had a good laugh first, then I felt sad for her.

and what did you tell her?

"Baby" gadgets and toys are the most vulnerable. I liked the story where a teddy bear that allowed parents to leave messages was hosting recordings and replies on a public fileserver. You have to get more imaginative to think about who would take advantage of that and why, but its a valid enough answer, especially for a simply "spying" concern.

Re: I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

#89

Post by JimBrimble35 »

Why quit? Why not just tell your parents to make their accounts private, or remove the images that you're not comfortable with? I feel like there are solutions here that don't involve delaying the parent's participation in social media until the child is old enough to choose to accept it.

As much as this concerns the child's social media life, it's also a matter of the parent's experience. Parents post this stuff to share, and commiserate, and participate with other parents in the experience of parenthood. I find it difficult to accept that this girl will grow up and privately horde all of her children's images and information until they give consent to release it. Teenager tend to struggle with the fact that the people around them have lives as well.

All that said, I operate my social media very differently than this girls parent's seem to. I prune and keep friends lists very inner circle, I never post anything publicly, and I often show my children the pictures that I'm posting and get them involved in the process. they won't be surprised about social media when they become teenagers.

I think the next generation of people are just going to need to develop a thicker digital skin.

Re: I’m 14, and I quit social media after discovering what was posted about me

#90

Post by philpem »

ravenstine wrote: post #14
MattBearman wrote: post #6

My wife and I recently had our first child, and we decided we didn't want her to have any kind of social media presence until she was old enough to make that decision for herself. It's been a challenge ensuring friends and family don't post stuff about our daughter, but reading this reinforces that we're making the right choice.

One of the reasons I left Facebook was the amount of web presence people give their young children. It's not that I don't think children are adorable. I'm talking about parents who have a baby and then spend every day posting photos about every event in the child's life. I know 3 people in my relatively small circle who have been posting on behalf of their children for years . Maybe I'm a freak, but I think there's s…

It's attention-seeking. Or if you prefer, validation-seeking. They're addicted to seeing the "likes" counter go up...
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