Ask HN: High functioning alcoholism – anyone?

First read up about going cold turkey with alcohol. I think sudden withdraw can be deadly

I second this. As an adult with kids, I rarely make new friends that are more than acquaintances. However, running with groups have given me more than 10 friends the last two years. These are people I've socialized with while running mile after mile. Running puts you in a mood quite like being moderately drunk.

It's also a great way to meet people who couldn't care less about what you do for a living. That's a win for me.

I was in a similar situation. I drank too much - I also brewed my own beer, so I always had a fridge full of beer that was close at hand. I'd play video games and drink a few too many beers and feel a bit cruddy in the morning, and I had no idea why other than, "I'm an adult, I can drink and play diablo if I want".

This went on for a while and was under control until it wasn't anymore. For me, I was lucky: I drank way too much and decided to try to ride my vespa scooter. I fell off and hurt myself, but I didn't hurt myself permanently and I didn't hurt anyone else. It did involve the police, and my wife getting woken up at 3am by those police, being terrified that I was dead somewhere.

In particular, this was where I decided I had to change things. I'm on a pretty strict regimen - I still can drink, but basically only one drink a night, and almost always only one drink a week (during some holidays or vacations, I can have a drink on two nights, but I strictly limit the per-night drinking). This worked for me, but I can't say it works for everyone. Nowadays (five years later), I will frequently go several weeks without drinking once, and I don't feel the urge to break the rules anymore. Honestly, at first, I was following the rules because I knew my job, freedom and marriage were on the line, but after a while I followed the rules because that was enough alcohol for me. I'm no longer as worried that I'll randomly binge when I'm traveling for business and I'm AFK on a weeknight with nothing stopping me from tying one on (always a fear, but I'm at least less tempted these days).

I also had to spend a lot of time thinking about why I was drinking in the first place. In the moment, and even shortly thereafter, I thought, "hmm, I don't know why I am doing this". In retrospect though, I was deeply unhappy with my job. It was one of those things where I had a lot of my identity tied up in doing my job (academic / professor job), and the fact that I hated it wasn't something I wanted to face.

So, to directly address some of your points, I was in a place you describe, but there was just one mistake that showed how little control I actually had, and it was only because I am incredibly lucky that I didn't end up dead, permanently injured, or in jail. And only from a distance and with some perspective did I realize that I was drinking in part because I did not want to face some personal issues that were difficult to face.

an act become an addiction if you can't function with it at all or close; can you feel calm without it even at the cost of performance ? if so you're not alcoholic. Also wine is not a strong alcohol. Those I've seen were hiding vodka in plastic water bottle at work.

Plus you have monitored your usage.. btw, is it stable or increasing ? are there peaks ?