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Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

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Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#81

Post by c3534l »

stvnchn wrote: post #76

> “You are thirty-five years old,” I said to myself. “More than half of your life has already been spent. Who is living your life, anyway? Is it actually yours? Or is it a kind of public storehouse of odd jobs? A pile of days and hours put on the counter of the world with a sign inviting every Tom, Dick, and Harry to take one?” This was probably the best part for me. We have longer life spans and so we trick ourselve…

That line struck me as unexpectedly grim. You forget that it used to be most people didn't make it to retirement.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#82

Post by watwut »

graphitezepp wrote: post #37

As someone who trends towards heavily accommodating, I often seem to find my actions that I judge as selfish or arrogant are the ones that I get respect for. Definitely a phenomena I don't understand, but its real so it should be very valuable to learn where to draw the line.

Do you have a concrete example?

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#83

Post by zaptheimpaler »

rdiddly wrote: post #47
graphitezepp wrote: post #37

As someone who trends towards heavily accommodating, I often seem to find my actions that I judge as selfish or arrogant are the ones that I get respect for. Definitely a phenomena I don't understand, but its real so it should be very valuable to learn where to draw the line.

Put it in the context of dominance and submission among apes and it becomes clear. The one who does nice things for you is displaying a submissive posture and trying to win your favor. They are probably your social inferior: beneath you in the hierarchy, or at most, a peer. The one who doesn't care about you and does what he wants, shows that he's above you in the hierarchy. And some people just can't resist their in…

Have you heard Apeman by The Kinks? I think you would enjoy it! Its the same sentiment in musical form, always really resonated with me because its so true.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#84

Post by DubiousPusher »

I have had a very similar realization regarding customer service. I used to think manners obliged me to be patient on the phone or at the customer service counter. That I should jump through all the hoops put before me. And finally if the outcome put before me was unsatisfactory that I should accept it and move on. But I've come to see that customer service is just as much something I'm paying for as the root service or good I'm buying.

Furthermore, the notion that an acceptable remedy to the problem that a company cannot have it's shit together enough to adequately service the occasional difficulties surrounding the transactions of its products is to impose upon me has become unacceptable in my mind.

I know this is going to sound entitled but think of it this way, it is also an entitled position to assume people should be obliged to fill out forms, perform extra steps or wait in line because of a mistake a company has made.

I'm not encouraging anyone to treat people like garbage but my threshold for corporate BS has become extremely low and I ask for issue escalation pretty fast if a company isn't fixing a problem.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#85

Post by anigbrowl »

77pt77 wrote: post #12
graphememes wrote: post #5

To summarize the entirety of the lesson: Sometimes saying "no" is better than saying "yes". By saying "no" you give time otherwise wasted to things that are beneficial to yourself. When and how you decide to say "no" should be based on whether the person that is requesting is perfectly capable of doing the task themselves according to the nature of the article.

And sometimes it's better to say nothing at all...

Very very true. The greater your ability to conceal your thoughts, especially in the case of escalating provocations, the more information your interlocutor will reveal until the strategic balance shifts.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#86

Post by coffeemug »

nostrademons wrote: post #44
nrjames wrote: post #15

It's ok to be accommodating as long as you have learned to be introspective. We all have demands of our own time and money. Introspective accommodating people are able to help others in a generous way while protecting the time and resources they need to help themselves. It's a difficult balance to achieve. Through experience, I've come to believe that this holds true in long-term personal relationships, too. While ma…

You want to compromise on the stuff that other people find important and hold fast on the stuff that you find important. Goes for both relationships, friends, teammates, and business associates. Most people come into the world assuming that their desires are everybody's desires. We live life by the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." This obscures that there's often a wide variety in t…

> We live life by the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." This obscures that there's often a wide variety in the things we would like others to do unto us, and that assuming everybody wants what you wants often leads us to do exactly what they don't want.

That's a brilliant insight. Thanks for sharing!

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#87

Post by rglover »

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #23
imesh wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know this is just a metaphorical doctor, but i don't think there are any doctor's who aren't busy

Sherlock Holmes was written by a doctor who wasn't busy, and who therefore had time to write.

"I couldn't save your wife sir, but I wrote a hell of a novel!"

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#88

Post by antisthenes »

username3 wrote: post #61

Do favors for money. Money is an IOU ticket for bartering.

You have a point there. Using money removes the arduous pontification of whether the favor was worth doing, aka "helper's guilt".

Especially when both parties enjoy some sort of prior established trust (long friends or acquaintances), it's even easier to use money even if it won't compensate for a comparable market rate service.

E.g. "Would you mind helping me with X, Y or Z and I'll buy you lunch(es)?"

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#89

Post by watwut »

paxtonab wrote: post #2

"People never trust an accommodating man with important things. That may sound harsh and cynical, but check it up in your own experience. If you have a severe illness, for example, you turn to the busiest, most exacting doctor in town. The fact that he is busy and can’t be bothered by little things gives you confidence in his ability and judgment."

On the other hand, you have all those non-accommodating nerds who wonder why their more accommodating colleges with less skills are being promoted.

Also: the busiest doctor in town is the one who did not said "no my schedule is full" despite being overworked already.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#90

Post by 77pt77 »

linksnapzz wrote: post #67
77pt77 wrote: post #45

>Read the life of a great scientist like Agassiz. Was he forever at the world’s beck and call? Not for a single day. Agassiz refers to "Louis Agassiz" a creationist scientific racist that believed the races had been created by God in separate events. Not the best example to use. Edit: He believed this in the late 1800 and the author of the submitted article apparently considered him a "great scientist" as late as 192…

Agassiz, who is still remembered for his contributions to geology & fossil taxonomy, can't possibly be a great scientist as he committed wrongthink over a century ago. Eventually, the only great scientists will be ones who are still available to have their opinions policed by modern progressives.

The man denied evolution. Completely.

He believed creationism and even went so far as "creatively" interpreting religious documents to support his own biases.

All this in the late 1800s.

I'm not usually on this side of the debate but here I think it's safe to say that his non-agreeableness and personal biases led him to the wrong conclusions and that is very relevant to this submission.

The more I read about his work the more I reach the conclusion that this was a man that achieved social and academic success but was a failure as a man of science.

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