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Having Kids

paulgraham.com

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Re: Having Kids

#781

Post by lordnacho »

bryanmgreen wrote: post #459
throwaway2519 wrote: post #405

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> my kids started school at 4. I've put them in full time after school care as well, ending at 6pm > you get them asleep before 8pm > you can give them a book and that will keep them quiet And then people wonder why kids don't listen to and respect their parents when they grow up. You're basically just giving school teachers full control to raise your kids at age of 4, and they only interact with you for 1-2 hours du…

No clue why you're being downvoted. I too wonder why anyone would want children if they don't actively want to spend time and raise them.

This is utterly ridiculous. You live in the same house as your kids, they can and do get a hold of you literally at any time of the day. Yes, even when they are in school, they can get the school to call you for some issue.

To paint having 3 hours to yourself each schoolnight as somehow not wanting to be part of their lives is a cheap attempt at making people feel guilty.

Re: Having Kids

#782

Post by lordnacho »

Cougher wrote: post #752
zmmmmm wrote: post #750

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please be kind in life. Can you understand the hurtful implications of your comment to the person you are talking about?

Sort of agree, but sometimes hard replies can be the slap-in-the-face that makes people rethink what they're doing. Someday these parents may look back on the lovely little people they created and remember how much effort they spent trying to avoid being around them.

Don't think of it as "I don't want to be around my kids" but "My kids will develop better with other experiences than just me".

Re: Having Kids

#783

Post by [deleted] »

hodgesrm wrote: post #583
lordnacho wrote: post #269

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your kids are at the age before school where they are the hardest to deal with. Once a kid gets to school, magic happens. I mean it. - They get tired from learning stuff. And the teachers know how to deal with them. - They learn how to behave in a group. They start having actual friends. - You get a bunch of friends who are in the same situation as you, and you can use their kids to cancel out yours. (AKA playdates)…

Why did you decide to have kids? This is a serious question.

[deleted]

Re: Having Kids

#784

Post by peignoir »

I have no kids yet, but I always thought the goal of life is obviously to have kids wether they are dna or idea ones. We re hard programmed for that like any other species. The issue now is cost in terms of time of money. I see a couple of solutions to these, will test and document :)

Re: Having Kids

#785

Post by kamban »

This is a good write, I am a new father, 4 months old. Already in the process of adjusting my schedule to his. But it’s satisfying to stay with him than sticking with my laptop all the time. Given the fact we are all wired to be a good parent, it’s no surprising i guess.

Re: Having Kids

#786

Post by leetrout »

jmpavlec wrote: post #376
leetrout wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It turned my habits around. I worked remote for 6+ years when my daughter arrived. Had a generous 10 weeks of leave of which I took 7 and I stayed up late at night or all night for the feedings which meshed well because I was always a night owl. That was 21 months ago. This week I was in bed before 9pm at least 3 nights and up at 7 am with the spawn to take her to day care. I get a shower and get her dropped off and…

I've never related to a single comment so much. It can be exhausting. How old is your daughter?

Yea she’s almost two. It’s been as much fun as it has been work but it is WORK.

Re: Having Kids

#787

Post by bob33212 »

d_burfoot wrote: post #97

Note that PG has two incredibly important positive factors that make his experience of parenthood much better: he has a great partner, and he is very wealthy. People who don't have these power-ups might have much more mixed feelings about the experience. I would actually like to have kids, but from a young age I decided that I would not do so unless I achieved financial independence. The reason is that if I were forc…

I have been a huge fan of PG for 15 years. But early on I realized his advice about starting a company is similarly for people in a different situation. If I had rich supportive parents and no student debt I would certainly have started a company right out of school.

Re: Having Kids

#788

Post by danielovichdk »

Why people with kids is shocked about the energy and times it takes, shocks me.

Kids are not something everyone should get. I would go so far to say, most people shouldn't get kids, and yet most get them for a personal reason, as it is something which life itself is intended for.

Don't get kids just because you can. Get them only if you really want to show them the love and the size of the world.

And we don't need anymore people in the world, so before you go ego and get kids, take care of someone elses heritage. Please

Re: Having Kids

#789

Post by jaxr »

james_s_tayler wrote: post #365
sanj wrote: post #164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It gets better. Way better. Last night I explained quicksort to one kid. Now we are designing cards to laser cut. The kids get interesting and independent quicker than you might imagine. The days are long, but the years are fast.

>The days are long, but the years are fast. Nicely put. That's going into my "how to explain parenting" quotes right alongside "it doesn't get easier, just a different kind of difficult"

Loved both frases. Will add them to my own. Mine is: "having kids is as beautiful as it is hard. And it's the most beautiful thing in the world".

My mom always says "the older the children, the harder the problems". Which is also true and quite counter intuitive. You might think that the harder years are when kids are young and demanding, but us humans turn into quite complex beings :)

Re: Having Kids

#790

Post by foobarian »

triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

I made a change to go to bed when the kids do, i.e. around 8-8:30 and wake up naturally, which happens around 4-5. This gives me the same number of hours to myself as if I were going to bed later, but: they feel more productive because I am freshly rested, I can sip my coffee, and don't fall to the same distractions as at night. At night I feel my brain is a bit tired and more susceptible to just giving up and watching a bunch of TV or playing games. Also, at night there is no hard stop so I often end up eating into valuable sleeping hours.

Easier said than done though, been meaning to do this for 20 years and only managed to do it now.

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