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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#771

Post by tracker1 »

I have to admit, this is really hard for me to relate to. I mean, I get social anxiety, but I've always made such a massive effort to overcome those feelings that I never (rarely) just give into them.

A couple of my best friends today I met just standing in line and striking up conversation. It's kind of wild how often people will avoid just conversing with random people in line, but when everyone is open to it, it's pretty cool... Especially if you're going to be waiting a while for a movie, concert, etc anyway.

I've had a couple panic attacks in my life... one when I was set to move to another state... I was keeping my old apartment, but the plan was to move myself then my stuff in a month or so... my car was packed and ready, my fridge was emptied and my place was about 80% packed. But every time I actually got ready to walk out the door, I'd get so nauseated and throw up... after about a day and a half, I got hungry and decided I was going to get something to eat and head out... in my mind I decided just to drive in the direction I needed then once out of the area had lunch and kept going.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#772

Post by birdsink »

komali2 wrote: post #393
chasd00 wrote: post #272

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If Books Could Kill did an episode on How to Win Friends and Influence People, it's an interesting listen. iirc the book was written by someone documenting what they learned while breaking into high society or some other class they were not a part of. So it's not so much about manipulating people but more about stroking egos and being as agreeable as possible to avoid any conflict. The podcasters make the point that…

Huh, having read the book and about Dale Carnegie, I completely disagree with that take. There's plenty of stories where he does the opposite of avoiding conflict and faces it straight on - such as when he just ignores a cop's random order for him to keep his dog on a leash at the park.

based

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#773

Post by busymom0 »

hn111 wrote: post #416
nasir wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even though typing them out may make them stupid but here are a few examples thinking out loud. Remember the body language is quite important and as you do more you start feeling more comfortable in your skin. - Waiting for an elevator that never comes with two strangers. What I may say: I guess we'd be camping here tonight. Do you have your tent with you? - Embarrassing moment: I hit my head lightly to something in…

Even written these jokes made me smile, you’re a natural!

Same here. I wanna read more of these jokes by the author haha

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#774

Post by busymom0 »

nasir wrote: post #140
plewd wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> There was simply not much I could work with (what I thought at the time). This has been my big blocker keeping me from talking to most people. I feel quite adept socially once I get going, but I can usually only get to that point through mutual interests or a solid conversation topic to kick off from. I seem to usually psyche myself out because most starters feels too fake or unsubstantive. Compliments make sense,…

Even though typing them out may make them stupid but here are a few examples thinking out loud. Remember the body language is quite important and as you do more you start feeling more comfortable in your skin. - Waiting for an elevator that never comes with two strangers. What I may say: I guess we'd be camping here tonight. Do you have your tent with you? - Embarrassing moment: I hit my head lightly to something in…

Your examples remind me of something I'd see Mr Bean do haha

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#775

Post by crazygringo »

soperj wrote: post #756
crazygringo wrote: post #514

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm sorry that's been your experience. I don't know where you live; and I know this can be a cultural thing. But in America at least, it's not usually bullshit or false. It's not a means to an end. I will compliment servers and cashiers and receptionist just because it makes everyone friendlier and we all enjoy our brief interaction more than we would otherwise. It would be nonsensical to say I was using them. For wh…

> I will compliment servers and cashiers and receptionist just because it makes everyone friendlier and we all enjoy our brief interaction more than we would otherwise. It's been my experience that many of these people hate that, and that the reason they seem to enjoy it is that that's what they're trained to do.

I have been a server and a bartender. Everyone vastly prefers the friendly customers. The chitchat is what makes the job.

The worst thing is when people treat you like some kind of robot, like you're not even a person.

So no, nobody hates that. Unless it's some creepy dude trying to hit on a girl, but that's not what we're talking about here.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#776

Post by nozzlegear »

wink wrote: post #705
nozzlegear wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

I don't want to be too generalizing, but I found the book to be matching a lot of American cultural stereotypes (as I have experienced them) and most of it would just seem corny (but not terrible) to most people from European countries (less in the south or UK maybe). Like, I don't even disagree with what he wrote, but most of the stuff just felt a little out of place and intruding on people who generally want to be…

I read it over 10 years ago now so I can't remember too much of it, but I mentioned in another comment that the book is so old the author's anecdotes and aphorisms came off as folksy and quaint. I can definitely understand it matching American stereotypes.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#777

Post by Ntrails »

socalgal2 wrote: post #701
dweekly wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My read on the book was "humans are really good at telling if you genuinely care about them or not and will respond well to that, so you should genuinely care about the people around you, and good things will result from that overall, especially if you're not super mercenary about it." Bill & Ted said it most pithily: be excellent to each other.

Serious question - what is your definition of "genuinely care"? The Carnegie example doesn't show "geninuely care" to me. It's nice, I think I should do it. Give people random but geninue complements. It's nice. It costs nothing. It makes both of us feel good. But, is that "genuinely care"? I ask because I'm bad at conversation. I hear this "genuinely care" and I just, usually, can't get myself to do it. I don't care…

> Give people random but genuine complements. It's nice. It costs nothing. It makes both of us feel good.

I'm worried it'll come off as creepy/weird so I never do. I've seen the power of other people doing it, but I cannot do it free from that worry so it's always gonna be off vOv

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#778

Post by olyjohn »

Nition wrote: post #554
tylerc230 wrote: post #404

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A trick I learned is to picture their name written across their forehead (visualize each letter). It works pretty well.

AR glasses killer app.

I think the effort in remembering someone's name is what people appreciate.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#779

Post by Melatonic »

socalgal2 wrote: post #701
dweekly wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My read on the book was "humans are really good at telling if you genuinely care about them or not and will respond well to that, so you should genuinely care about the people around you, and good things will result from that overall, especially if you're not super mercenary about it." Bill & Ted said it most pithily: be excellent to each other.

Serious question - what is your definition of "genuinely care"? The Carnegie example doesn't show "geninuely care" to me. It's nice, I think I should do it. Give people random but geninue complements. It's nice. It costs nothing. It makes both of us feel good. But, is that "genuinely care"? I ask because I'm bad at conversation. I hear this "genuinely care" and I just, usually, can't get myself to do it. I don't care…

Its not really about "genuinely caring" about the individual scenarios or things. Its about genuinely caring about the lives of other people and things which you may not have direct experience, aptitude, or a prexisting joy for.
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