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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#741

Post by Tangurena2 »

GolfPopper wrote: post #384
helterskelter wrote: post #354

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hah. I'm ADHD and I used to be terrible about remembering people's names -- like, their names didn't even register and I couldn't tell you what it was 30 seconds later. It wasn't that I didn't care about the person, it was just that their name would never stick. Anyway, I finally made enough people feel bad and embarrassed myself enough that I started compensating and made a point to remember basically everybody's na…

As someone with very similar issues with names, how did you start remembering names?

For myself, what really helped was working at an office where everyone's pictures were up on one of the walls. Going to the restroom meant passing the pictures. There were about 30 people there.

At my current office, there is a staff "phonebook" that also uses people's ID badge photo. At this agency, there are about 400 people working here. Plus about 300 more seasonal staff in the "busy season".

If there are "team" photos, see if you can get one and write names on it. You'll get a lot less static from HR if you let them know you have a hard time remembering names and ask them to help you write the names down.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#742

Post by butlike »

munificent wrote: post #476
butlike wrote: post #437

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's great about neurotic online personalities is that they're all contained within the little box on your lap or in your pocket. You turn it off and they all go away...

> You turn it off and they all go away... They disappear to you , but not to all of the other people who you share a society with who are still staring at their little boxes. And, for better or worse, you still have to live in a world with and share elections with those people too. I agree, completely, that it's good to get offline. But the pervasive societal effects of extremely online psychology can't be solved sim…

To push back on your last point, I truly believe that yes, they can.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#743

Post by talkingtab »

Falimonda wrote: post #525
talkingtab wrote: post #506

I have found three strange and unexpected avenues for interacting with people. 1. Be on a quest. Yes a quest. I was trying to buy an old metal key as a gift for a friend. I wanted to find someone who sold sheep's milk (for making cheese). If you are on a quest it gives a context for an interaction. You both have something to talk about and it you both have an out: the answer. People almost always help you with a ques…

"trying to get to the airport and I don't have much money" is not the quest you want to be faking...

Absolutely true! Perhaps the thing I was trying to say is do not travel or live your life in a bubble. Do not be a tourist in life, get in there. Be safe, but take survivable risk. And yes be honest. I would remove this line from the post, but on the other hand your reply adds a good guide post!

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#744

Post by nephihaha »

Tangurena2 wrote: post #738
nephihaha wrote: post #691

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ayn Rand was never the type to submit to heavy editing. There is a better novel hiding in there to be sure.

Dune is a pretty good book and I attribute that to a ruthless editor. After the author died, the son published many of the notes (sort of the way JRR Tolkien's son did) and one of the books shows several early drafts of the first novel - most of which were stinkers. The notes filled an entire room and he managed to squeeze 15 novels out of them.

Christopher Tolkien was a lot more respectful of his father's legacy than Brian Herbert. However, I think of Barry Humphreys saying that "if you want roses, you need a lot of manure". Even the best writers produce dreck.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#745

Post by navane »

socalgal2 wrote: post #701
dweekly wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My read on the book was "humans are really good at telling if you genuinely care about them or not and will respond well to that, so you should genuinely care about the people around you, and good things will result from that overall, especially if you're not super mercenary about it." Bill & Ted said it most pithily: be excellent to each other.

Serious question - what is your definition of "genuinely care"? The Carnegie example doesn't show "geninuely care" to me. It's nice, I think I should do it. Give people random but geninue complements. It's nice. It costs nothing. It makes both of us feel good. But, is that "genuinely care"? I ask because I'm bad at conversation. I hear this "genuinely care" and I just, usually, can't get myself to do it. I don't care…

You can genuinely care in one moment and forget about them five minutes later, that's ok. Part of making conversation is also stopping the conversation when you are done, not letting it bleed out. My favorite is: "I really enjoyed this conversation, now I'm going to read my book".

I find it nice to connect to strangers in real life, if only for a moment. It can be about something silly as sharing a very bright bird you see while waiting for the bus. It can be giving two dollars to the woman in front of you at the grocery store, cause she's short.

Also, having this connection with people when it is about nothing (small talk) helps build communication skills you need when it is about something.

I genuinely hope you will get answers on your question, maybe even in this thread. But I'll also forget about it in two minutes.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#746

Post by chollida1 »

weregiraffe wrote: post #663
dweekly wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My read on the book was "humans are really good at telling if you genuinely care about them or not and will respond well to that, so you should genuinely care about the people around you, and good things will result from that overall, especially if you're not super mercenary about it." Bill & Ted said it most pithily: be excellent to each other.

How can you make yourself genuinely care about something you don't care about? It sounds as plausible as changing your own sexual orientation.

> How can you make yourself genuinely care about something you don't care about? It sounds as plausible as changing your own sexual orientation.

Most people don't care about the gym but they care about their health and their health as they age so many learn to care about going to the gym even if they don't love every minute of their gym time. I'm one of those people.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#747

Post by rootusrootus »

DeRock wrote: post #596
rootusrootus wrote: post #569

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is it any worse than the anecdotes about the guys beating their wife and kids? It is a bit offensive, but on the other hand, if we are being honest real life often is. I do not think we should go out of our way to offend people, but neither should we go out of our way to be offended.

If you equate being sexually promiscuous with beating your children, then you have some serious self reflection to do on your moral compass.

I have never met someone in real life who would say that sexual promiscuity is worse than beating your wife and/or kids. Your moral compass is indeed in need of calibration.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#748

Post by skizm »

mindstorms6 wrote: post #547
talkingtab wrote: post #506

I have found three strange and unexpected avenues for interacting with people. 1. Be on a quest. Yes a quest. I was trying to buy an old metal key as a gift for a friend. I wanted to find someone who sold sheep's milk (for making cheese). If you are on a quest it gives a context for an interaction. You both have something to talk about and it you both have an out: the answer. People almost always help you with a ques…

> 1. Be on a quest. Yes a quest. This is unbelievably true. I did a scavenger hunt (challenge hunt?) in Seattle (hosted by a friend of a friend). Many of the challenges involved interacting with other humans (dance with a stranger, buy someone you don't know a shot, give someone you don't know a rose, etc) It was so fun. I've never met so many people before. But it struck me how excited everyone was to help out on my…

NYC was the complete opposite. Our company did a scavenger hunt and people were so annoyed at us for interacting with them when they realized we needed more than just directions. If others overheard they’d start edging away or making themselves busy. I’ll be totally honest, I’m the same way, which is why I fit in here I guess lol.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#749

Post by aidenn0 »

socalgal2 wrote: post #703
aidenn0 wrote: post #620

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's because a movie like that would be boring (at least if it took up more than a minimal amount of screen-time). Interesting stories require some form of conflict, and for movies that focus on romance, the conflict will be interpersonal.

Selective memory. Plenty of movies do not require conflict before romance. La La Land, Being Again, Silver Linings Playbook, About Time, ... plenty of others.

Conflict is required, just not necessarily before the romance, or even involving the romance. There's definitely a sub-genre of a low-conflict meet-cute followed by conflict later on.

FWIW I've seen none of the movies you list.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#750

Post by sokka_h2otribe »

alexmuresan wrote: post #98
mtlynch wrote: post #80

One of the things I like about this is that OP is giving people genuine compliments without any particular agenda. It reminds me of one of my favorite parts of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, where he tells a story about complimenting someone, and a student asks what he was hoping to gain from offering the compliment. Carnegie is incensed: > I was waiting in line to register a letter in the…

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

Certainly an OK book to read.

The trouble with this book for me was that it often recommends deferring to the other persons sense of self over your own.

There are times this is right, and there are times where it is very shallow. In fact, it can even be very inauthentic & fail to develop your own internal tools.

I think if it helps you start something, great! But for me personally at the youthful age I read the book - it was negative. Today I'm sure I could read it and only take the positive. Mostly it depends on whether you think you "must" behave in those ways, or if you "could, sometimes, by choice"

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