Earlier quoted context omitted.
> It wouldn't necessarily be explicit, but there were lots of offhand comments and jokes. That's how racism (and sexism, homophobia, ...) tends to present itself; it's a lot more subtle than people straight up going "I hate ${group}". Don't conflate those jokes and offhand comments with hate. You're erasing all sorts of meaningful differences between basically harmless husbands joking about their wives or differences…
The problem is that if you don't personally know the views of the people involved, racist jokes are often indistinguishable from hate. Outside of a context where the humor is understood by all like a stand-up comedy act, you aren't entitled to how other people perceive your behavior. If you walk like a racist and talk like a racist, people are just gonna assume you're a racist. If that's a problem for you, there's a…
Furthermore I'm entitled to argue for what I think are good practices for communicating online, just like everyone else.