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Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

nytimes.com

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Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#701

Post by nugi »

Pica_soO wrote: post #36

My assumption is that with 30 age really becomes visible. It was at this age, people- the same sort of people i would hang around with and goof with- started to refer to me as "Mr." - as if by having the first grey hair- you somehow become some authoritative figure to be afraid of. Which is ridiculosis - but you cant change what people think when they see you for the first time.

Oh, but you can.

I find how I dress and hold myself signals "age" more than my actual aging. If you act tired and old, no matter your age, it is a signal.

We also have hair dye, dentures, plastic surgery for those that care. And many do.

Youth is a verb.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#702

Post by nugi »

xstartup wrote: post #608
gonzo41 wrote: post #487

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You met shitty poor people. Being poor doesn't make you screw people over, but if you're rich, you may not have notice or appreciated how your wealth was interacting with these people. Great example was in the show Friends. There was this episode when Febie? and Joey were broke as f--k and they got all bent out a joint having to be in situations with the others where they were spending more money than they could affo…

I've have helped lots of people and I am a firm believer of "If you can help, you must". Heck, my wife was also poor but she is the best person I've ever met. She is the only one who can set millions of dollars on fire for me. But over the time, my inability to act indifferent to people's struggle has burned me over a countless number of times. Examples include places where I gave out few hundred thousands in help an…

"my wife was also poor but she is the best person I've ever met"

You still make it sound like you see it as some black mark against someone. I doubt you meant to come off that way, but you really did.

Imagine if I said: "Xstartup is (gay,black,jew), but is a really great person"

Sounds bad huh?

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#704

Post by gaius »

randomdata wrote: post #267
tinyhouse wrote: post #14

I think you can make good friends at any age, but you need the right environment for that. When you're young you spend a lot of time with the same people, like in school, which is the environment you need to build a close friendship. When you're older you tend to meet a lot of new people, but you don't have many opportunities to spend a lot of time together. Except at work, which is why many people make close friends…

I agree entirely. Friendship requires repetition. When you are older, your time gets spread across more activities, leaving less opportunity for repetitive time spent together. I'll add that the workplace can be problematic for friendship as there is extra room for undue hostility. If someone makes a mistake, for instance, that mistake may fall directly on your shoulders and friendships predicated on that type of sit…

Some of my oldest, closest friends today are people I worked with at a startup in the ‘90’s. But I always keep my current workplace and social life distinct.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#705

Post by gaius »

leetcrew wrote: post #173
Kluny wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm glad it made someone think :) This is one of my fastest upvoted comments ever. I think it struck a chord. There's no way of knowing whether it was men or women upvoting, but I have a feeling I'm not the only who has had these thoughts.

my guess is a fair amount of the upvotes were from men. deep down i think men do realize that we have gaps in our coping skills, but don't fully understand the cause.

fully understand the cause.

The cause is that “society” expects that to “grow up” a man must give up his hobbies and his friends and “settle down” (provide for a family as sole purpose in life).

Someone will say “that’s how the patriarchy harms men too!” But I don’t think I believe that; I don’t think men say “hey bro, we should totally just give up all that cool stuff we do, for no reason”.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#706

Post by donretag »

julianilson wrote: post #696
donretag wrote: post #670

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is there any reason why this is a mobile only app? I have a strong preferences not to use apps that are mobile only. And I firmly believe that communicating on mobile has a hard time turning into something more substantial. People nowadays are used to quick status updates while on mobile. Look at the popularity of Snapchat. Why bother writing something when I could just post a picture on Instagram? It is difficult to…

Yeah, totally get what you're saying, but unfortunately people's behavior and perception of the product is different when something is on mobile, especially with an online matching service. Tinder was able to break down the stigma of online dating because they were on mobile only. I'm hoping We3 will be able to break that stigma for friendship matching.

I never said there was a stigma. Conversations are just more vapid on mobile. No effort is put in, while people take their time when not on mobile.

If I am looking to build a friendship, mobile is not the place I would look. Hookup? Tinder/mobile is awesome.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#707

Post by jamaicahest »

iamleppert wrote: post #284

People are a sum of their life experiences. People who are older, have more that goes into that equation. More often equates to complexity and intricacy, like a complicated key, that becomes harder and harder to find a lock for. In my early 20's, I was more open to hanging around people I know I didn't like, or wasn't compatible with, because I didn't want to be alone or without friends, craved attention, and saw eve…

>It's more important to be authentic and true, even if that means having less friends, than a phony with a lot of fake friends. All this has the result of making it more difficult to randomly find real friends.

And this is where Facebook tries to seduce you. I'm going to go ahead and say that 90% of your Facebook friends aren't friends but rather they are acquaintances. Being friends means actually doing something together. Rather than liking your Facebook friends' vacation pictures, why not go on a vacation with them?

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#708

Post by manmal »

maccard wrote: post #416
manmal wrote: post #391

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I‘m exactly like this. The only way that helps is to get ready 30-60m ahead of the time I had originally planned to, and then wait it out. But since I hate to wait on other people, I don’t do this as often.

So you’re saying that your 30 minutes is more valuable than mine? And that your hatred of waiting on other people is more important than whatever you were supposed to do? I don’t care if you’re 30 minutes late once or twice and you tell me, but if you tell me “oh sorry I’m late, I saw that I could have left on time but I’d rather have you wait on me than be on time” then that’s an instant way to piss anyone off.

I didn’t mean to say that it’s good that I‘m behaving this way. And I‘m not responsible for every emotion I have, you know. Some things need working on before you can get in control of them.

EDIT: Removed comment about downvotes.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#709

Post by grzm »

manmal wrote: post #708
maccard wrote: post #416

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So you’re saying that your 30 minutes is more valuable than mine? And that your hatred of waiting on other people is more important than whatever you were supposed to do? I don’t care if you’re 30 minutes late once or twice and you tell me, but if you tell me “oh sorry I’m late, I saw that I could have left on time but I’d rather have you wait on me than be on time” then that’s an instant way to piss anyone off.

I didn’t mean to say that it’s good that I‘m behaving this way. And I‘m not responsible for every emotion I have, you know. Some things need working on before you can get in control of them. EDIT: Removed comment about downvotes.

The guidelines ask that we don't comment on downvotes:

> "Please don't comment about the voting on comments. It never does any good, and it makes boring reading."

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#710

Post by manmal »

grzm wrote: post #709
manmal wrote: post #708

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn’t mean to say that it’s good that I‘m behaving this way. And I‘m not responsible for every emotion I have, you know. Some things need working on before you can get in control of them. EDIT: Removed comment about downvotes.

The guidelines ask that we don't comment on downvotes: > "Please don't comment about the voting on comments. It never does any good, and it makes boring reading." https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

I apologize and retract my comment - cannot delete it now.

Do you have a bot that looks for downvote keywords?

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