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OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

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Re: OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

#71

Post by planetguy »

sophacles wrote: post #59

It may be an artifact of the different city problem in data collection, but assuming it wasn't, I find it interesting that the woman who was 'second most attractive' got significantly more messages than the 'most attractive'. To me this suggests interesting game theoretical stuff going on here. Does anyone know any good research/math on strategies that would optimize for this phenomenon? e.g. I can see a thought proc…

Or else men just thought the "second best looking" was better looking than the "best looking" one.

Or else men don't like it when the only photo is a black and white close-up from an odd angle -- makes it look like you're hiding something.

Re: OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

#72

Post by jaems33 »

mootothemax wrote: post #66
jaems33 wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Eh, sort of. I'd be interested to know your race and your height. At the end of the day, women still have deal breakers regardless of your personality, boldness, income, skills, etc. The reason why I think women have it easier is that they can both wait for someone to approach AND take the initiative and go up to a guy if they so choose. Whereas guys not named Ryan Gosling almost always must take the initiative.

I'd be interested to know your race and your height. Pasty white with a beer gut that shrinks and grows according to the season, and somewhere around 5'10" or 5'11". At the end of the day, women still have deal breakers regardless of your personality, boldness, income, skills, etc. Are you saying that men don't? I think it's fair to say that everyone has deal breakers. Personally, I'm put off by people who judge othe…

In terms of race, you have your choice of white women PLUS higher probability of success with other races (based on inter-racial marriages rates, OKCupid stats).

Then with height, you are about average, which is a good thing. You have your pick of women who are short or average height.

I realize everyone has deal-breakers but height and to some extent race for women are almost universal. It is extremely rare that a taller women will marry a shorter guy. I've travelled around the world many times, and count the one and only time I've seen a tall woman (6 ft) go out with a short guy (Though I don't see how choosing a person based on their income is any less 'offensive' than visual superficialities. At least the former is somewhat based on merit. The fact that I worked my tail off in university and on the side to build up my skills so that I could earn a great living should be more of an attraction than say the fact that I inherited certain genes from my parents.

Re: OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

#73

Post by jboggan »

nostrademons wrote: post #12
jsnk wrote: post #3

>The fact that the first stage of online dating is so heavily stacked in women’s favour doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s any easier for them, compared to men, to reach the end goal of pure love or perfect sex. Of course, men have it harder than women in the mating game. This conclusion seems like a white lie the author created for women. No one is looking for perfect mate. Both men and women choose their partners f…

You're familiar with the Stable Marriage Algorithm, right? The math doesn't bear you out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stable_marriage_problem It's been proven that the algorithm is optimal for the initiators of proposals, i.e. men in contemporary Western culture, although women can hack this by asking guys out themselves. The confusion is because you've artificially restricted the universe to a subset of its true si…

I strongly disagree. The men that I know that successfully use OKCupid do not have just one girlfriend.

Re: OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

#74

Post by rubashov »

goodside wrote: post #37

Hi. I work at OkCupid. I coud have saved you a lot of trouble. Your results confirm what all dating web sites have always known, and which we've made no secret about: Nearly all initial messages are sent by men. This does not mean that the site is "better" for women than for men, relative to any other form of heterosexual courtship. It's a deeply ingrained cultural, and perhaps biological, norm that men make proposal…

> perhaps biological, norm that men make proposals and the women evaluate them

I don't think this is quite true. In a bar or club women invite specific men to hit on them with positioning, proximity, and eye contact. She'll steal glances and stand nearby. The solid majority of flirting is subtley initiated by women in the real world and internet dating breaks that.

Re: OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

#75

Post by tibbon »

teuobk wrote: post #58
dude_anon123 wrote: post #30

In other news, gay people don't even exist. Seriously, if you are going to attempt this type of "study" gay people are a perfect group, as you can mostly control for gender bias.

It's an interesting question: what determines how many messages a gay guy receives? What type of guys are most likely to send the initial message? In the first four months I was on OKCupid, I got unsolicited messages from about 115 guys. In the same period, I sent unsolicited messages to about 10 guys, of which 7 elicited responses. My sense is that my numbers are higher than if I were a straight guy, but I have no i…

I'm a straight guy, but I've had a lot of experiences observing how some of my gay male friends are able to date online and offline.

From what I've casually observed (which lines up with your guess) is that it is relatively easier for gay men to find others to meet/hookup with on almost any website (OkCupid, Grinder, Manhunt, etc) and also in real life.

One of my friends, who was not exceptionally attractive, witty or any other specific characteristic (let's say he's a 5/10) was able to get guys over to his apartment using Manhunt faster than I was able to get a pizza delivered. Not exaggerating a bit.

I have to wonder however, if the primary thing here is that its more equal 2-way attention. Men are actively looking for men, and men are actively looking for me. Whereas for heterosexual relationships it appears to be men looking for women, and women not looking for men.

If I remember right, OkCupid did some stuff on non-heterosexual relationships and it was interesting. I'll have to dig for that.

Re: OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

#76

Post by ta12121 »

wtvanhest wrote: post #55
goodside wrote: post #37

Hi. I work at OkCupid. I coud have saved you a lot of trouble. Your results confirm what all dating web sites have always known, and which we've made no secret about: Nearly all initial messages are sent by men. This does not mean that the site is "better" for women than for men, relative to any other form of heterosexual courtship. It's a deeply ingrained cultural, and perhaps biological, norm that men make proposal…

I just started using it after I moved to a new city. I have had some great dates, and even met some friends who introduced me to their friends so I’m certainly not complaining about the site, but I have two observations I would love to have the understanding behind. 1st, what is the purpose of the green/yellow/red dot? To me, if I see a women with a yellow or green dot I rarely if ever contact them. Also, the percent…

1. The dot indicates the likelihood the person would respond. I would imagine it's an attempt to encourage people to try talking to others that are less than perfect, since they are more likely to respond.

2. Because if they haven't been online in 3 months I don't want to waste my time emailing them.

Re: OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

#77

Post by mortenjorck »

dude_anon123 wrote: post #30

In other news, gay people don't even exist. Seriously, if you are going to attempt this type of "study" gay people are a perfect group, as you can mostly control for gender bias.

Well, yes, you can control for gender bias, but then you're studying a completely different domain. You're selling short the unique complexities of both heterosexual and homosexual courtship.

Re: OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

#78

Post by wtvanhest »

ta12121 wrote: post #76
wtvanhest wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I just started using it after I moved to a new city. I have had some great dates, and even met some friends who introduced me to their friends so I’m certainly not complaining about the site, but I have two observations I would love to have the understanding behind. 1st, what is the purpose of the green/yellow/red dot? To me, if I see a women with a yellow or green dot I rarely if ever contact them. Also, the percent…

1. The dot indicates the likelihood the person would respond. I would imagine it's an attempt to encourage people to try talking to others that are less than perfect, since they are more likely to respond. 2. Because if they haven't been online in 3 months I don't want to waste my time emailing them.

1. I get that, but in practice it doesn't work that way since almost every women is red.

2. That is why it could say... "online in the last 48 hours"

Re: OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

#79

Post by Bill_Dimm »

wtvanhest wrote: post #55
goodside wrote: post #37

Hi. I work at OkCupid. I coud have saved you a lot of trouble. Your results confirm what all dating web sites have always known, and which we've made no secret about: Nearly all initial messages are sent by men. This does not mean that the site is "better" for women than for men, relative to any other form of heterosexual courtship. It's a deeply ingrained cultural, and perhaps biological, norm that men make proposal…

I just started using it after I moved to a new city. I have had some great dates, and even met some friends who introduced me to their friends so I’m certainly not complaining about the site, but I have two observations I would love to have the understanding behind. 1st, what is the purpose of the green/yellow/red dot? To me, if I see a women with a yellow or green dot I rarely if ever contact them. Also, the percent…

I haven't been on OKCupid in years, so this info may be outdated, but they used to display a green/yellow/red dot to indicate whether or not someone usually responds when you initiate contact with them. Most women have red dots because you probably won't get any response from them whatsoever if you send them a message.

Re: OkCupid on Trial - 4 Month Experiment

#80

Post by ig1 »

wtvanhest wrote: post #64
ig1 wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You realize for someone to see that you're checking in all the time they'd also have to be checking in all the time and stalking your profile ? I don't know OKCs reasoning behind it but I can think of a bunch of arguments. For example say you've messaged someone to rearrange a date and you want to make sure they've logged in since you sent it, or say you want to catch them online and want to know the best time, etc.

I’m reacting to my thought process in viewing women’s profiles. If I visit a profile just twice I have a pretty good idea that they are checking it every day etc. If both times I visit they were online within the last 2 hours (extreme example) I know they are checking it a lot. While that information doesn’t really matter, I noticed that I sort of laugh about it to myself and make assumptions about the person. If I a…

How often do you have a woman checking out your profile every day ?
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