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Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

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Re: Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

#71

Post by [deleted] »

stephen_g wrote: post #62
PakG1 wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this perspective is easier when one is single, certainly not married, and CERTAINLY without kids. Before I was married, I'd be annoyed if married friends weren't as free-spirited as I was in terms of hanging out late. Even if we all had full-time jobs, come on, what makes you so busy, let's do stuff! After I got married, I understood what everyone was too nice to tell me. Hey, you're cool and fine, but... no,…

The OP's solution seems to solve this problem though - if it's the last hour of 'work time' then people can stay for at least that hour and then if they have to leave at the normal time, they can. If the socialisation time is always outside work hours, then yeah, people with young kids will basically never come.

[deleted]

Re: Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

#72

Post by PakG1 »

jayd16 wrote: post #60
PakG1 wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this perspective is easier when one is single, certainly not married, and CERTAINLY without kids. Before I was married, I'd be annoyed if married friends weren't as free-spirited as I was in terms of hanging out late. Even if we all had full-time jobs, come on, what makes you so busy, let's do stuff! After I got married, I understood what everyone was too nice to tell me. Hey, you're cool and fine, but... no,…

Well, again, I'm suggesting using work hours not extra hours. People seem against the idea entirely.

Well, I suppose the question then would be getting buy-in from leadership. That’s a completely different force to change and is complex for its own reasons.

Re: Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

#73

Post by orwin »

DangitBobby wrote: post #49
whynotkeithberg wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not more risky for decent people. Just the people who can't stop being perverts & sexually harassing people while drunk actually get held accountable rather than it being swept under the rug. For those of us who don't participate in such behavior nothing has changed or become any more risky. People getting loose at parties used to mean harassment and it was deemed ok because "men are being men" but it was never…

Okay, you could jump straight to sexual harassment. But lots of people do dumb shit that has nothing to do with sex while they are drunk. "Letting loose" means lowering your inhibitions which makes you more likely to do something regrettable. And I don't want to hear anything about "decent people" unless you're the 1 human on this planet that's never done or said anything they regret.

I'm pretty confident a lot of people, even drunk, stay decent towards fellow humans. Most people don't get violent or harass people when drunk. Those that do, however, should absolutely stop drinking until they fix their issues.

I don't think I regret anything I ever did or said while drunk (unless you mean 'taking that last drink that will kill me tomorrow' and in this case, I regret an Irish coffee I knew was too much).

Re: Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

#74

Post by Gud »

qp11 wrote: post #33

Corporate wonderland is an such an abnormal environment. How it all hasn't collapsed is a mystery. Its structure is hierarchical, but the world has become a hyperconnected network. Underlings might have much more interesting networks than their bosses. In theory this should be putting lot pressure on what "orders" can flow top down. Its like pushing circus animals, trained to perform ever diverging niche tricks the w…

In most parts of the world, it's still very much hierarchical. And in the other parts of the world, it's just less visible.

Re: Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

#75

Post by ElevenLathe »

givemeethekeys wrote: post #28
lettergram wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m a huge family guy, I too am confused by these comments. 1. After work activities are voluntary 99% of the time (even “required events” I’ve personally skipped many times) 2. I prioritize my family over everything (leaving jobs over work-life balance), but that doesn’t mean having time out of work with co-workers is necessarily bad 3. I tend to value my coworkers as friends and have even invited some to weddings,…

> But not everyone has a family or solid friend group And they never will, if they stick around at work after work.

Not sure this is fair. I met my wife at work, we even got to know each other initially at a "mandatory fun" type of event (admittedly this wasn't a "professional" job, so I understand that it's a little different). Literally every close friend I've made since school is somebody I know from work initially. I would say going for a beer after work is probably one of the best ways to make friends as an adult.

Re: Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

#76

Post by runako »

sneak wrote: post #11
runako wrote: post #9

What does "after work" mean when you are expected to respond to email & Slack/Teams after you leave the office? The tradeoff to being always available to work is there's no "after work" time anymore; jobs have already claimed all the waking hours.

If you're not being paid an hourly rate x24 each day to be on call, turn off notifications for these apps when you aren't working. It's a matter of setting boundaries. If you do work whilst not getting paid, the beneficiary is not going to correct your error. The only way you get them to pay for 24 hour availability is by not working 24 hours each day for free.

Unlike the after-work schmoozing in the OP article, this will get you fired. Your employer will just claim this is an expectation of the job.

Re: Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

#77

Post by Eddy_Viscosity2 »

orwin wrote: post #73
DangitBobby wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Okay, you could jump straight to sexual harassment. But lots of people do dumb shit that has nothing to do with sex while they are drunk. "Letting loose" means lowering your inhibitions which makes you more likely to do something regrettable. And I don't want to hear anything about "decent people" unless you're the 1 human on this planet that's never done or said anything they regret.

I'm pretty confident a lot of people, even drunk, stay decent towards fellow humans. Most people don't get violent or harass people when drunk. Those that do, however, should absolutely stop drinking until they fix their issues. I don't think I regret anything I ever did or said while drunk (unless you mean 'taking that last drink that will kill me tomorrow' and in this case, I regret an Irish coffee I knew was too m…

Regrettable behavior is broader than not being nice to people, it could be that they overshare something personal, or express an opinion better left unsaid, etc. etc. Good for you for not having any regrets, but this is the exception not the norm.

Re: Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

#78

Post by zingababba »

listenallyall wrote: post #29
shawnc wrote: post #8

There's SO MUCH MORE TO DO at home or with close friends, coupled with everything else already said in the other comments, that it just doesn't meet the threshold of enjoyment or need it once felt like it did.

Yes, SO MUCH NETFLIX to watch. I'd write a longer comment but the next episode is already starting.

manager detected

Re: Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

#79

Post by twobitshifter »

analognoise wrote: post #38
twobitshifter wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Helps build trust and friendships, and understand people at a level beyond their job.

Faux socialization is just hybrid class warfare.

- Wanna grab a drink after work?

- Nah, I’m not into hybrid class warfare

Re: Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin

#80

Post by twobitshifter »

diab0lic wrote: post #14
richev wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I somehow agree with both of these points, but am not sure I understand how that can be.

It can both serve a function (help build extended relationships) and be something people don’t want to do because those relationships can be severed in an instant thanks to at will employment.

And even if you or they leave, in many forms of business having friends in another company can be huge in providing a safety net or a path towards a better job. Socialization with others may be the closest thing to a union that devs have. If Amazon cuts your job, your old buddy who moved to MS might be a lifeline.
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