Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

thecut.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 669 posts

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#71

Post by MrBuddyCasino »

wufufufu wrote: post #36

At least this person can communicate and can open themselves up emotionally. But it sounds like this person would have mental health issues no matter what their current situation was. A partner or job isn't going to fix that. Anxiety is living in the future. Depression is living in the past. Wanting a good experience is a bad experience. Accepting a bad experience is a good experience.

Thats actually a very good summary. I found Vipassana mindfulness meditation helps immensely to achieve happiness by detaching the self from outside influences that would otherwise make me unhappy.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#72

Post by creaghpatr »

toomuchtodo wrote: post #22
40acres wrote: post #18

Everyone around us is fighting their own little war. I've felt similarly to the writer -- I moved out of my childhood home the day after graduating college and started work that Monday. I only moved 215 miles (NYC to Boston), but it felt a world away, especially considering most Americans live relatively close to where they grew up and 215 miles in Europe goes a long way. I've made and abandoned friends at almost eve…

I'm happy to be your best man when the time comes. Email in my profile.

Sounds like the setup to "I love you, man"

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#73

Post by yholio »

> And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, “I have to have kids in a couple of years”; fun times!). All the while still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old I thought I was until what seemed like a moment ago.

It sounds like going from one end of the spectrum (aventuros, yolo) to the other (a family, fast), all while punching above their weight, so to speak, in terms of compatible long term partners.

Most young women can easily find "serial monogamous", short term, male partners with highly desirable qualities such as physical good looks, relative success, social skills etc., but most of this limited pool knows they are desirable and do not really want to get bogged down with a family.

When youth starts to fade away, reality kicks in - the highly desirable partners are not interested, and the average ones are already committed to long time partners who valued them in their own youth. Their "family" started a long time ago with mutual investment - you can choose not to make that trade-off but cannot have the cake and eat it too.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#74

Post by api »

citilife wrote: post #40
nostromo wrote: post #10

I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch. American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. I think parenting has ov…

> decades at a time I think we're seeing the result of the baby boomer generation, essentially. They rejected the old, as you put it -- stern way of parenting. I'd argue, perhaps it wasn't so much stern as it was the structured. There was structure, expectations, and responsibilities. Things previous generates required to live. Since then, we've grown increasingly accustomed to insane amounts of wealth (or perhaps de…

Social trends almost always overcorrect. I wouldn't be surprised if we overcorrect the other way in future generations, then back again, etc. People seem to have trouble with the idea that the optimum is not at an extreme.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#75

Post by matt4077 »

ThrustVectoring wrote: post #39

I could give better advice in a single sentence. To wit, "you should schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist to get screened for adult ADHD." These life problems are classic adult ADHD symptoms. Moving cities every few years. Not being able to hold down a long-term relationship. Your "who-knows-what-number" job. Debt from poor and impulsive decisions. Lack of internal drive. Difficulty making and keeping friends.…

Depression or bipolar disorder seem like a better fit. ADHD would manifest more in “short term” issues, i. e. difficulty getting through a workday. The fact that they can, apparently, hold down a job they don’t enjoy, and seem to quit voluntarily to improve their situation (going for an opportunity more than getting away from s/t) also don’t fit.

In the end, the point might be mood because the first step is the same, and a therapist will be far better figuring it out in person. The specific labels also seem not to perfectly fit the actual conditions, which are more fluid than what the existing lingo suggests.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#76

Post by seatdrummer »

magic_beans wrote: post #31
mooseburger wrote: post #13

/pol/ is always right, eh? No, seriously, this woman is probably real, but her life story reads like a 4chan meme.

How can you have so little compassion? You've never in your life felt regret or loneliness?

its entirely possible that certain beliefs common on 4chan strike true. This isn't so much about making her struggle a meme, but acknowledging that youth is fleeting and its particularly hard for women.

Coming to terms with this reality for a woman is even more terrifying than a man because her bodily clock is ticking and pretty soon she will have little opportunity to have a child and dare I say, attract her ideal man. Its a call for more traditional values, to acknowledging that the deal is different for men and women, and its a criticism of responses like this which tell women to embrace being a free spirit when all she wants is stability and steady growth.

Traditional values are truly counter culture in the west, and thats why pol will emphasize it.

EDIT: 4chan also likes it because it serves their tendency toward genetic determinism.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#77

Post by keiferski »

claudiulodro wrote: post #25
keiferski wrote: post #17

I’ve always thought life is a balancing act of “building” and “experiencing.” Building relationships, communities, homes, organizations, education (your self) and experiencing other countries, different jobs, lifestyles, foods, etc. Western culture as a whole has gone a little too far in the “experience” direction. You can see this in little ways, like the fact that Legos are sold as pre-planned structures and not ge…

> Legos are sold as pre-planned structures and not generic building blocks I don't know if this is an "experience economy" thing as much as it is a lucrative licensing deal thing.

I’d argue that the appeal of the licensed Lego products is precisely an experience. Instead of starting from zero and building everything yourself, you’re given a premade story, world, and characters. It’s similar to the difference between writing your own fantasy novel vs. reading Lord of the Rings.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#78

Post by andyidsinga »

Anyone else read the Dear Polly part ...and just couldn't bring themselves to the Dear Haunted / advice part?

I felt like just trying to sit in that situation; sort of ponder the whole thing without coming to any conclusions. How many people do I know who could be Haunted? How many times have I been Haunted myself? What got me out of that space?

I just couldn't read the advice part.

I think to the points when I've been in that dreadful place like Haunted. A few friends reaching out asking "how are you?" without offering any advice and especially not sharing a fucking story riddled with survivorship bias. Those little acts seemed to clear the fog; and even better, I knew that they just wanted to reach out and ensure that I knew they were thinking about me.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#79

Post by ataturk »

nostromo wrote: post #10

I think the parents of many 20 and 30-somethings played a role in so many young(ish) adults failing to launch. American parents could learn a thing or two about parenting from previous generations and from a lot of immigrant families: nobody owes you anything, plan for a rainy day, find a partner you love and commit to them, work hard, cherish friends and family even when it's difficult, etc. I think parenting has ov…

I spent my 20s getting a PhD. I don't think I've ever gotten the most out of my degree professionally, but as a way to spend one ones 20s, it wasn't too bad. I never had more than about $10K to my name until sometime in my 30s. Having a career in tech certainly helped--I took very few loans, but the ones I did have were paid off within five years of exiting academia and smartening up about my career.

I just wish I had gotten patents for the things I worked on in grad school, even if those patents belonged to the university.

These days I strongly advise young people to just get a bachelors and forget the rest unless it's required (e.g. for teaching).

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#80

Post by jakobegger »

simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

Polly tries to pick up the author and tell her everything will turn out fine, she just needs to relax a little.

You're telling the author they indeed wasted their time and it's too late and it's their own damn fault. You're just being honest.

I prefer Polly's advise.

Post reply on HN