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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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21–30 of 669 posts

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#21

This is not meant to sound like an off the cuff comment, it is not, a lot of thought has gone into this: Remember this piece before you argue with someone that they should move away from their friends, family, their support systems for work or other development opportunities. It Takes A Village, and your local support system is not to be underestimated. In the end, all we have is family and/or loved ones ("chosen fam…

>Remember this piece before you argue with someone that they should move away from their friends, family, their support systems for work or other development opportunities.

Blood is certainly thicker than water as they say, for good and for evil. I used to think exactly as you stated the above and I don't mean to suggest how rigid you are but my recent experience with family is that relationships must go both ways, and when your attempts at expressing yourself go unheard or ignored then perhaps cutting ties is the right approach.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#22
post #18

Everyone around us is fighting their own little war. I've felt similarly to the writer -- I moved out of my childhood home the day after graduating college and started work that Monday. I only moved 215 miles (NYC to Boston), but it felt a world away, especially considering most Americans live relatively close to where they grew up and 215 miles in Europe goes a long way. I've made and abandoned friends at almost eve…

I'm happy to be your best man when the time comes. Email in my profile.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#23

When I was in college there was an older woman doing my course who was a little like this - had lived all over the world, and had had the kind of wild life that I envied. I learned from her that memories of good times don't make you happy - quite the opposite, in fact, if your present is a let-down.

As a wise older friend puts it, neither the past nor the future is real. Only the present is real.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#24
(Edit: see, the internet alone is part of what is wrong with the world. I share that I feel completely alone and miserable and what does the internet do? Downvote. Did you bother to comment negatively or just provide some sort of reason as to why you don't like my comment? Nah, 'here have a downvote' because you're safe and comfortable in your anonymity where you can freely show someone you don't like them because they have a different experience or opinion than you and have decide their worth is less than yours)

I'm broke, friendless and have nothing remotely resembling a meaningful life.

I however have not moved all over the place, I live 15 minutes from my childhood home and spend 90% of my life living in the same 3 blocks.

As far as family I barely have any left. My mother and my half-brother.

The bulk of my social interaction is via emails with one individual. On the occasions they reply, they're very terse due to how busy the individual is. I've met them once, for all of maybe 25 minutes. Other than that I mostly just talk to bun, a purple stuffed anthropomorphic rabbit I've had all but a few weeks of my life. As a child I was only invited to a few birthday partings or outings, as an adult I occasionally get asked why I wasn't at so and so's event 'well, I didn't even know about it...' and I was invited to a wedding of someone I went to school with from kindergarten on a couple of years ago, I was even sat at the head table with her father, with the exception of her insisting on a dance with me not a single person talked to me with the exception of the bartender taking my order. At one point I simple gave up and stood quite literally outside looking in, literally in the shadows outside of the barn the reception was at until the bartender cut me off and my contacts were gone through to find someone to collect me and my car.

The few seemingly like-minded people I've found are famous multi-millionaires and billionaires that live thousands of miles from me that I have effectively zero chance of ever interacting with. Put a gun to my head and I wouldn't be able to begin to tell you how one makes a friend because the only person that believes in any amount is essentially a stranger that I've met once and likely may never meet again.

I don't even know how to talk to people. I'm 33 and I've never actually had anything approximating a proper romantic relationship. I've never had a best friend that I do things with. I've never been part of a group carrying on and having experiences. I've never had to deal with a breakup, or co-habitated, or fought with a romantic partner. I've never had anyone phone me just to see how I was doing. I get a birthday card from corporate and sometimes from my mother when she remembers and that's the extent of my birthday being acknowledged.

The last person I got close to romantically, shot and killed themselves after we'd had 3 proper dates.

At 33 I have a GED and no college degree, I've filed bankruptcy, I've been in the same job for 12 and a half years. I'm one mild financial emergency away from being fucked.

I might as well just be a robot although, if I was a robot I'd probably have more human interaction purely from curiosity in me.

If things don't change professionally, in very drastic ways, I'll work until the day I die. I'm lucking if I can put 2-3 grand into my 401k each year.

While the woman writing to this columnist says she hasn't even the energy to contemplate humanity... that's about all I have going for me. I sit back and think about the nearly 40 gigatons of carbon dioxide we will put into the atmosphere this year, the microplastics in the air we breathe and the water we drink, the myopic and manipulated views of the world technology is giving to the masses, the growing wealth divide. I suppose I have more in common with a hypothetical artificial general intelligence though as I lack most of the experiences humans share in common.

She's 35 and had a cancer scare. My father died of cancer 12 days before my 13th birthday, his mother died before him of cancer, my mother had thyroid cancer which is in remission. Cancer is a highly probable death for me too ma'am.

Oh the drink, I know the drink well. At one point I was drinking as much as a fifth a night just to chase that fleeting escape from reality where everything amuses you. It's a trap ma'am, run from the drink, forsake the drink, the drink is a lie.

She may be a ghost but she isn't alone and to be honest her life experiences sound like quite the upgrade to mine.

Sure, there's people out there with it far worse than us. Simply having electricity and being able to read makes us far better off than many millions. Knowing that doesn't make life any less empty and cold and lonely though.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#25

I’ve always thought life is a balancing act of “building” and “experiencing.” Building relationships, communities, homes, organizations, education (your self) and experiencing other countries, different jobs, lifestyles, foods, etc. Western culture as a whole has gone a little too far in the “experience” direction. You can see this in little ways, like the fact that Legos are sold as pre-planned structures and not ge…

> Legos are sold as pre-planned structures and not generic building blocks

I don't know if this is an "experience economy" thing as much as it is a lucrative licensing deal thing.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#26

I honestly wondered if this was some kind of satire. I have great sympathy for the person asking for advice, and I suspect they may have been hoping for something a bit more actionable. Also, the advice columnist mentioning their new book and book tour in the reply seems a bit tone-deaf to me. I hope that she finds a way to start making the changes she wants to see in her life.

I agree. Feels like the only reason she decided to respond to this person is to use it as an excuse to shill her new book to her readers and not out of genuine care for the other person.

"Hi Dan, thanks for calling the Suicide Helpline! I know what you're going through is tough. I went through what you're going through too, which I wrote all about in my new book, Suicide Kings, available on Amazon, buy now and get it 20% off the hardcover price for a limited time only! Here's an affiliate link, and an interview I did with the Today show. So yeah, I've been feeling down in the dumps lately too, and you know what I did? I wrote Suicide Kings, only $19.99 in two easy payments if you call 555-555-1513. That's 555-555-1513. Don't kill yourself Dan. I didn't. Write a book instead."

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#27
I sometimes feel like I've won the lottery. The win being absolute absence of urges to travel, make memories or relationships. I just want to be alone and work on my stuff, which also happens to make me financially independent.

I'm old enough to know it's not just a phase. It's just who I am.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#29

This is not meant to sound like an off the cuff comment, it is not, a lot of thought has gone into this: Remember this piece before you argue with someone that they should move away from their friends, family, their support systems for work or other development opportunities. It Takes A Village, and your local support system is not to be underestimated. In the end, all we have is family and/or loved ones ("chosen fam…

>Remember this piece before you argue with someone that they should move away from their friends, family, their support systems for work or other development opportunities. Blood is certainly thicker than water as they say, for good and for evil. I used to think exactly as you stated the above and I don't mean to suggest how rigid you are but my recent experience with family is that relationships must go both ways, a…

> I used to think exactly as you stated the above and I don't mean to suggest how rigid you are but my recent experience with family is that relationships must go both ways, and when your attempts at expressing yourself go unheard or ignored then perhaps cutting ties is the right approach.

I would encourage you to use this as a growth opportunity. I had a similar situation occur with a close family member who died unexpectedly, and years later, my heart still hurts every day because of it. Take care of your self, but grow emotionally to put yourself out there when you can.

I won't discount that cutting ties is appropriate under certain circumstances. For myself, it is a last resort. People are people, fallible to their core.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#30
She's in her mid-30s. It's hard when you are at such a point of despair, but it's not too late to start a career, family, meaningful social activities, etc. Making progress on any of these fronts may seem slow, but it can pretty remarkable how it all adds up when you look back 5 or 10 years later.
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