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The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

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Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#71

Post by kbuchanan »

christofosho wrote: post #11

As a teacher of ages 4 up until 14, I think parents and people in general need to be concious toward what constitutes "over" parenting. Too often we as teachers see students that are behaving poorly, or having more trouble in school, because they do not have enough help or consistency at home. Parents reading articles like this might take them too literally and step too far from their child's life. Parenting should b…

Although I agree, it's not the neglectful parents who are reading books like this...

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#72

Post by conductr »

thorell wrote: post #14

I think a lot of parents don't know how to effectively parent and make up for that with enthusiasm. Too much involvement, not enough parenting. I am guilty of this.

I also think it’s a new form of keeping up with the Jones. Which is why it happens in the privileged set. Stay at home parent? Nanny? Housekeeper? Dad present at all activities? Coaching the team? All things are social signals and increased parental activity is how parents compete with each other.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#73

Post by gukov »

squozzer wrote: post #43

I offer the following hypothesis - competition for entry into "the best" colleges, competition for "free money" through scholarships, and competition for "good jobs" after college has driven parents to micromanage their children's school "career." The margins for "error" - i.e. achieving suboptimal grades and cultivating interests outside of "school stuff" - have shrunk since I was a kid. This is, of course, in addit…

We gamified our kids.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#74

Post by aidenn0 »

finaliteration wrote: post #18

It’s a difficult balance to strike and it’s easy to judge parents either way. I’m plenty guilty of being on both sides as a parent. My particular challenge, however, stems from PTSD from childhood abuse and neglect, so I feel even -more- pressure to give my child everything she needs and wants because I don’t want her to feel as alone and unwanted as I did. But I do worry that comes at the price of her independence,…

One solution I've seen suggested is to let your kids mess up, but be there ready with empathy. For a kid to know that when they fail, their parent will be there to comfort them and encourage them is huge.

Also, you teach them basic safety things, and then name it when they've mastered it; e.g. "You know how to look both ways, you don't need to hold my hand crossing the street anymore." or "You can cook on the stove by yourself now because you know how to be safe around hot things." They are getting independence, but doing so knowing that their parent is concerned about protecting them from dangers they cannot address themselves.

With those two things, a child is unlikely to feel neglected or unloved, but can still develop a sense of independence.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#75

Post by indigochill »

afarrell wrote: post #67
privacypoller wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not sure what jurisdiction you're in, but I'm in Canada where we generally have good teachers. The problem we're experiencing is a curriculum that we feel is becoming easier over time and shifting away from core fundamentals. Teachers are powerless to oppose or address this, regardless of how they personally feel or want to teach. Should my 10-yr-old learn coping strategies for anxiety? absolutely, but she should als…

I notice that The things you list are things that can learn online from youtube and video games. - Geography Now: https://youtu.be/DxxZOsfsIUM - Crash Course Computer Science: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8dPuuaLjXtNlUrzyH5r6... - 6.004 EdX: https://www.edx.org/course/computation-structures-part-1-dig... - Hearts of Iron, Europa Universalis, Sid Meyer’s Pirates, Railroad Tycoon, bunches of kids games teach…

One of Coursera's top courses is a course on learning how to learn, which is really about learning the balance of self-discipline (both how to do it and why it works). It works not just for learning, but also for time management and other things:

https://www.coursera.org/learn/learning-how-to-learn

Don't know about online courses for things like emotional health, but I see no reason there couldn't be.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#76

Post by smileysteve »

war1025 wrote: post #64
laurieg wrote: post #58

As someone considering starting a family, I have literally no idea what parenting is anymore. When I was younger I was pretty much left to my own devices, sent off to play with my brother and then packed off to school when old enough. My parents were too busy working, cooking and cleaning to do much fancy extra curricular stuff. I do wonder now what I should be doing to prepare for parenthood. I feel that perhaps it'…

Be present. That's about the sum total of it I think. If you are there, you will pick up on what is and isn't working, and you can work to make it better. Really kids just want someone to love them and teach them how to be a person.

I think that the books and article argue how present you should be. Which is where the above question comes from.

Kids need to fall, need to be able to solve things without parents nearby to be able to grow and make responsible decisions.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#77

Post by aidenn0 »

guard0g wrote: post #20

What kind of parent does their kid's homework?! Here's an idea. Why not have "how to be a parent" classes taught in high school or college?

How about schools that assign homework before the kids in the class are able to read? If that's not training parents to do their kids' homework, I don't know what is.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#78

Post by tc7 »

1996 wrote: post #51
citizenkeen wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife is a pediatric occupational therapist. My dad's always saying "There's no book on parenting." My response if always "Screw you, yes there is. But you went to business school." You can pay someone to fix your injuries, or broken pipes, but you can't pay someone to raise your kids. When my son was born, I went into it with the knowledge of three highly rated books on Amazon I had picked at random. My wife went…

> but you can't pay someone to raise your kids. Actually, you can. It's called a nanny. If you prefer a cheaper version, it's called au pair.

I think there's more implied in 'raising' children than keeping them alive and transporting them to their scheduled activities, which is what I'd expect from a nanny or au pair.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#79

Post by chasd00 »

conductr wrote: post #72
thorell wrote: post #14

I think a lot of parents don't know how to effectively parent and make up for that with enthusiasm. Too much involvement, not enough parenting. I am guilty of this.

I also think it’s a new form of keeping up with the Jones. Which is why it happens in the privileged set. Stay at home parent? Nanny? Housekeeper? Dad present at all activities? Coaching the team? All things are social signals and increased parental activity is how parents compete with each other.

my wife is a stay-at-home mom except for working at a non-profit for 10-15 hours per week. The stay-at-home mom crowd is about the most vicious group i've ever seen when it comes to status and who is viewed as the best parent.

Re: The 'Over-Parenting Crisis' in School and at Home (2015)

#80

Post by loco5niner »

burfog wrote: post #24
christofosho wrote: post #11

As a teacher of ages 4 up until 14, I think parents and people in general need to be concious toward what constitutes "over" parenting. Too often we as teachers see students that are behaving poorly, or having more trouble in school, because they do not have enough help or consistency at home. Parents reading articles like this might take them too literally and step too far from their child's life. Parenting should b…

There is a slightly different way to interpret that. Some students, despite being in your classroom, are really being homeschooled. For example, my wife and I both got extra assignments from our parents. The parents aren't just helping. The parents are teaching. You aren't trusted to teach. Other students have parents that trust you to teach. Your job is to teach, and these parents expect you to do it. In theory, the…

I wouldn't trust every teacher to teach well. The simple fact is, there are good teachers and there are bad teachers. Ultimately, it's the parents job to make sure kids are brought up well. That means helping teach during some years and stepping back more in some years. Parent involvement is a must.
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