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Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

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Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#71

Post by saddestcatever »

jazzyk wrote: post #69
scardine wrote: post #31

It is a numbers game and the problem with dining is that you can only make one try per night. Try the old school method: take ballroom dancing classes. Ballroom dancing is not only funny, it is a very clever algorithm to select a long term partner, and one of the best features is that you can try 40 partners per night. I used to be that guy that sits in the corner drinking all night: "dancing is not for me". Can't be…

This. Also, try yoga...

I would disagree. Most attendees of yoga, at least as I've seen in Boston, treat it similarly to a gym. It's a "come in, do yoga, resume rest of day" attitude that doesn't cater well towards conversation or interaction. I'd be curious to know if others have had any different experiences.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#72

Post by newday »

inanutshellus wrote: post #60
newday wrote: post #27

Having just been back in the scene this past week, this is disturbingly accurate. I'm 41. I'm surprised by the number of women that are still on the site from the last time I went through this 5 years ago. I have a large profile, with a ton of hooks for conversation, and yet the number of girls I talk to on there either don't want to or can't be bothered to ask a question. And unfortunately, the one that does, I have…

Sounds like the girls are getting too much attention, and so are passively enjoying swatting flies more than enjoying the hunt for a match. Actually answering questions takes a lot of effort when you're responding to 25 people in parallel. That you're even getting /any/ response is a testament to you, given that you're 41 and yet not looking for a "mom". Anyway... As someone else suggested, it sounds like you need to…

I agree, I have have 3 coffee dates lined up this week after taking that approach on Sunday.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#73

Post by newday »

jordanlev wrote: post #40
newday wrote: post #27

Having just been back in the scene this past week, this is disturbingly accurate. I'm 41. I'm surprised by the number of women that are still on the site from the last time I went through this 5 years ago. I have a large profile, with a ton of hooks for conversation, and yet the number of girls I talk to on there either don't want to or can't be bothered to ask a question. And unfortunately, the one that does, I have…

Might I suggest the possibility that you yourself have become as unattractive to the 40-year-old women as they have become to you?

Definitely for some, and I have a dozen ignored messages to prove that. But the number of likes I get, and the fact that I'm responding to girls that actively "liked" my profile, makes me get a sense that it's something else.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#74

Post by newday »

xlm1717 wrote: post #50
newday wrote: post #27

Having just been back in the scene this past week, this is disturbingly accurate. I'm 41. I'm surprised by the number of women that are still on the site from the last time I went through this 5 years ago. I have a large profile, with a ton of hooks for conversation, and yet the number of girls I talk to on there either don't want to or can't be bothered to ask a question. And unfortunately, the one that does, I have…

Going by what you typed here, I can't help but think you might be going about it the wrong way. When you talk about not being attracted to the people who talk to you or are in your age range, are you going purely by looks? Maybe if you met up with them and talked over coffee or whatever you might start to develop attraction. It's entirely your prerogative if you want physical looks to limit your dating pool, but just…

Lovely thought, but that's not how humans are designed. And I never hear this from people that actually have an ugly partner. I'm 40, not 80, so sexual attraction is an important part of selecting a mate. I don't find many women unattractive, but 300lbs is at least 100lbs more than what I consider attractive.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#75

Post by magic_beans »

omegaham wrote: post #33
boriselec wrote: post #14

Ask HN: Who is single?

I... don't see HN as being a decent dating service. My guess is that the demographics align to the average engineering / CS program, which does not bode well for the vast majority of people trying to get a date. Of course, for the women among us, the Georgia Tech mantra applies - the odds are good, but the goods are odd. (Currently taken, with a girlfriend who says "Yes dear" when I start talking about anything compu…

I am an attractive woman who spends at least 3 hours a day on HN. I'm sure my soul mate is on here somewhere.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#76

Post by [deleted] »

omegaham wrote: post #33
boriselec wrote: post #14

Ask HN: Who is single?

I... don't see HN as being a decent dating service. My guess is that the demographics align to the average engineering / CS program, which does not bode well for the vast majority of people trying to get a date. Of course, for the women among us, the Georgia Tech mantra applies - the odds are good, but the goods are odd. (Currently taken, with a girlfriend who says "Yes dear" when I start talking about anything compu…

[deleted]

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#77

Post by jarcane »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #46
jarcane wrote: post #35

What triggers a flash of actual nostalgia is a memory of the days when you met someone in the real world, perhaps at an activity that both of you enjoy, perhaps someone who wasn’t even supposed to be your type. That person might have caught your fancy, and the first order of business was to figure out whether he or she was, like you, unattached. Honestly people, you can still do this. Nothing's stopping you. You know…

I don't think on-line dating is a sham. It seems to be a natural answer to the growing problem - meeting people in general, and potential romantic partners in particular, gets an order of magnitude harder when you finish education. For most people, it's suddenly 9-10h/day spent at work (8h + commute), and it's hard to maintain a social life when you're both a) tired every evening, and b) required to be in good shape…

That said, I'm totally not surprised by your observation about Facebook events. It's more natural to meet people like that, without prior obligations. People tend to be more open, and conversations more genuine. Especially if this is a topical event, you automatically have people pre-selected for interest compatibility. Just like money can be detrimental to the projects of passion, on-line dating seems like "trying too hard", compared to casual meetup. I tried using a dating service once, and such dates actually felt to me more like a business transaction than a meeting of strangers. But then again, I'm shy, I prefer going the roundabout way :).

Honestly, I'm starting to think this is just true of dating in general. "First dates" are awkward. The original article is not wrong about blind dates. It's hard to really get comfortable with someone when you're just thrust into this 1-on-1 scenario with nothing to go on and all manner of confusing social expectations.

Really, I think it's just important to keep your options open, meet plenty of people in social situations when you can, and learn to find that balance when you do meet someone who strikes you of seeing where it can lead in a natural way.

Because for me, at least, all I really am looking for is someone compatible and fun to spend time with, and that part's a lot easier to establish and find out before you start putting labels on things and everyone gets spooked.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#78

Post by jarcane »

noam87 wrote: post #65
jarcane wrote: post #35

What triggers a flash of actual nostalgia is a memory of the days when you met someone in the real world, perhaps at an activity that both of you enjoy, perhaps someone who wasn’t even supposed to be your type. That person might have caught your fancy, and the first order of business was to figure out whether he or she was, like you, unattached. Honestly people, you can still do this. Nothing's stopping you. You know…

Met my current very lovely girlfriend online (and many other perfectly lovely people, some of whom are still friends). I think the number 1 mistake people make online, which leads to disillusion, is thinking that online dating is a replacement for meeting. I hear all the time complaints of not being atracted to any of their matches, or that they seem boring, etc. etc. "Well, did you meet?" "No, he's so not my type."…

Maybe it's just because I was raised in the "don't use your real name on the internet" era, but I still am not quite comfortable asking a perfect stranger to meet just right off the bat like that.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#79

Post by zeveb »

magic_beans wrote: post #75
omegaham wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I... don't see HN as being a decent dating service. My guess is that the demographics align to the average engineering / CS program, which does not bode well for the vast majority of people trying to get a date. Of course, for the women among us, the Georgia Tech mantra applies - the odds are good, but the goods are odd. (Currently taken, with a girlfriend who says "Yes dear" when I start talking about anything compu…

I am an attractive woman who spends at least 3 hours a day on HN. I'm sure my soul mate is on here somewhere.

So, how you doin'?

grin

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#80

Post by cableshaft »

tedks wrote: post #42

Every time I see an article like this on hacker news it reminds me of how disconnected and out of touch the userbase on this site is. I know so many people my age who claim to use hacker news, but I almost never see comments that seem to be from anyone under 30 or even 40. It really hammers home how startups and entrepreneurship is rapidly becoming a game only the mega-rich can play, and which virtually all millenial…

I worked at my first startup at the age of 26 and was the third employee, got to know quite a bit about the business side of things. I was far from mega-rich. I barely had a positive balance in my checkbook.
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