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Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

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Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#61

"Goldberg collapsed at a private beach-front villa near the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico" Today, 21,000 children died from causes that are preventable. I don't see any posts on HN about that. http://www.unicef.org/mdg/childmortality.html "Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou make a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy…

I believe it to be distasteful to use the death of someone whom this community has some connection to push a separate agenda. You can call out our priorities as being too short-sighted if you want, but this is a poor way to do it.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#62

"Goldberg collapsed at a private beach-front villa near the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico" Today, 21,000 children died from causes that are preventable. I don't see any posts on HN about that. http://www.unicef.org/mdg/childmortality.html "Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou make a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy…

Difference is people know who Goldberg is, and can therefore relate. Irrelevant post.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can't explain it now that I have a child and family and have lost people very close to me. As I posted to someone below you, I am married and have three kids. I have also lost a lot of my friends - I am an Iraq war veteran and was in the Air Force from 2003 until last Feb. All of that has led me to my conclusion because I see what is left after these people have gone away - and largely it's...nothing. Once their fr…

To first approximation, there are almost no people who would have a "grand legacy" that could extend centuries. How many do you know from 1850? Eventually, no one will remember you, and that is true even if you are the most successful person on earth. The urge to have a legacy is a manifestation of the fear of death, and is primarily an exercise of ego. It does not have to overtake one's life.

It's not about being remembered, it's about your life having positive impact beyond those you can personally see.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#64

"Goldberg collapsed at a private beach-front villa near the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico" Today, 21,000 children died from causes that are preventable. I don't see any posts on HN about that. http://www.unicef.org/mdg/childmortality.html "Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou make a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy…

Does celebrating one particular life, and death, diminish the many others?

I really don't know. You could build the argument that building empathy for one tragic death exercises the muscle for empathizing with the countless statistics of death. Decentering the experience of human life from riches and visible success to intimately personal experience seems like it would emphasize, hey, maybe poor people's lives have value too.

I don't know if I buy that argument. I do know, though, that empathizing with Sheryl Sandberg doesn't make me feel guilty. I still find the intolerable death rate of children, and women, and men in many developing countries horrific. My heart ends up breaking for everyone who loses loved ones.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#65

"Goldberg collapsed at a private beach-front villa near the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico" Today, 21,000 children died from causes that are preventable. I don't see any posts on HN about that. http://www.unicef.org/mdg/childmortality.html "Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou make a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy…

I definitely hear what you're saying. I often get annoyed and frustrated when the news media spend days obsessing about a handful of deaths in a train crash, for example, while ignoring the millions of people dying and suffering every year due to (relatively easily) preventable causes.

However, you have to remember what is considered news. Those millions of people who are suffering have been suffering for a long time. There's nothing new to report about it. We all know about it. We're willfully ignoring it. It's not news. It would be news if people in extremely poor countries weren't suffering.

A new personal, touching essay by a prominent member of the tech community about dealing with the unexpected death of her husband, another prominent member of the tech community, is news.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret? Will it be that you didn't spend as much time as you could've with your parents before they died? How about with your siblings? Maybe it was all of the times that you didn't make it to your kids' soccer games, piano recitals, school plays, or graduations? Or will it be that you didn't spend nearly enough nights at the office fixing your social media star…

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret? Always found these philosophical shortcut tropes (eg. if you had just one day left...) amusing, but not particularly illuminating because they over-simplify life long achievements to mere regret-avoidance. If you are asking yourself that, then 1. You are privileged to be at that level on the Maslow hierarchy and 2. you already know the answer. Embedded i…

You should be a little careful. The odd thing about creative professionals, which includes most software developers, is that if you take Maslow's hierarchy of needs as the truth for the general population, for creative professionals this pyramid of needs is inverted.

You see, most creative professionals are profoundly unhappy people. This is because the equation for happiness is usually easy - your expectations have to be lower than your achievements. As a side note, this is why the renowned mid-life crisis happens, because that's the point in your life when you realize that many of your dreams are impossible.

But going back to creative professionals - our expectations are off the chart. It's because we've been taught that we can achieve anything, with our imagination being the limit and hard work being the currency. It's because many of us come from families of high achievers. Yes, we are profoundly unhappy because our expectations are usually much bigger than our achievements. This is the reason for why many of us are idealists, for why we want to change the world. Many of us are also atheists, but all of us want to achieve some form of immortality, therefore that's the reason for why many of us want to build things that are long lasting.

I used to say the same things as you did. You may not feel the above right now, I'm going to make the assumption that you're in your twenties, which means you've got the energy to be hopeful about the future. But take it from a 32 year old that is going through a mid-life crisis 10 years earlier (or maybe it's just a burnout episode, I don't know), but this youthful energy is going to dissipate and you're then going to feel the emptiness in your life. And I'm lucky, because I have a wife and a 4-year old whom I love very much and which represent my reason for getting up in the morning.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Cre…

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret? Will it be that you didn't spend as much time as you could've with your parents before they died? How about with your siblings? Maybe it was all of the times that you didn't make it to your kids' soccer games, piano recitals, school plays, or graduations? Or will it be that you didn't spend nearly enough nights at the office fixing your social media star…

"Or will it be that you didn't spend nearly enough nights at the office fixing your social media startup's bugs?"

There's a snarky response in here somewhere that would get to the core of how code is trivial and not a 'legacy' whereas product might be, but I'm scared it will uncover something uneasy about the nature of the work most of us here feel is an integral part of our identities...

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#68

The prayer got me the most. "Let me not die, while I am still alive..." That's powerful stuff. The idea of asking for more time like a kid in a swimming pool - just 5 more minutes! I hope I do die while I'm still alive though. Dying after I'm done living sounds worse.

I feel the other way around. I'd rather die while I'm alive (doing or living through something really exciting) than completing something exciting, then entering the dawn of life realizing that I'll never do something as exciting again, and then dying. I wanna die in the middle of having fun, not in a retirement home.

I agree with you; I didn't get the prayer at all. It seems to call for some «pre death» period when you're not dead yet but somehow not truly alive, and I sure don't want that.

Anyway our own death is unimportant since we can't experience being dead. Death that matters is the death of others (dear ones). My payer would be: let me die any which way you want... but let me die first.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret? Will it be that you didn't spend as much time as you could've with your parents before they died? How about with your siblings? Maybe it was all of the times that you didn't make it to your kids' soccer games, piano recitals, school plays, or graduations? Or will it be that you didn't spend nearly enough nights at the office fixing your social media star…

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret? Always found these philosophical shortcut tropes (eg. if you had just one day left...) amusing, but not particularly illuminating because they over-simplify life long achievements to mere regret-avoidance. If you are asking yourself that, then 1. You are privileged to be at that level on the Maslow hierarchy and 2. you already know the answer. Embedded i…

I am incredibly privileged to be at (or near) self-actualization, but—then again—so are most of the folks who have time to spend here on HN.

And regret-avoidance is an interesting beast: for me, it is incredibly hard to balance short, medium, and long-term goals, and understand when I'm actually pursuing a long-term goal vs simply wasting my time on something that will never really matter.

Props to Zuck for building something that a double-digit percentage of the world uses every month, but he's the exception to the rule. Most of us will not be so lucky(?), and it behooves us to spend our time wisely.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#70

"Goldberg collapsed at a private beach-front villa near the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico" Today, 21,000 children died from causes that are preventable. I don't see any posts on HN about that. http://www.unicef.org/mdg/childmortality.html "Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou make a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy…

> Today, 21,000 children died from causes that are preventable. I don't see any posts on HN about that.

Guinae after ebola: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9544278

Why murder rates matter to humanitarians: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9519472

Rohingya screen light portraits (Internet huts used by refugees) https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9194870

Socio economic impact Of Ebola: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9194438

The aid industry, what journalists really think: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9183675

Ebola update, review of needs: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9038815

How the world's top donor spends its aid: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9008808

The humanitarian schemes aimed at countering Boko Harem: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9008802

Nigerian Lives matter: the Baka controversy: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8895047

Indonesia's mental health care: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8579494

USA child labour and tobacco: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7744420

Missing migrant project: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7679027

Unfolding tragedy Central African Republic: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6907365

What causes hunger?: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6678675

Edit: etc etc. have a look through my submissions. I post many articles like this.

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