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Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

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61–70 of 114 posts

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#61
post #38

Interesting. I apologise incessantly for everything and everyone, to everyone. I've never put much thought into why I have this behaviour, but it's possible I stumbled on the same phenomenon as these folks purely due to pressure.

Excessive apologizing tends to come off as obsequious. If other people notice that you are an over-apologizer it could easily make them dislike you.

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#62

tl;dr - a flawed study concluded something that may not necessarily be true

what's flawed about the study?

if you read the article all the way through, at the end they mention the study was flawed because of the lack of a control

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#63

> How trustworthy are these results? The accumulated findings from several experiments help build a convincing case, but unfortunately the field study - which had the potential to provide the most persuasive evidence - is seriously flawed. The actor apologised (sic) for the rain then asked to borrow a phone, or in the comparison condition he just asked to borrow the phone. There was no proper control condition. This…

The addition of "(sic)" is non-useful, as that is an accepted spelling in British English, which is where this post comes from. Try searching, I don't know, anywhere else on that page. It was not a mistake.

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#64
post #21

Reminds me of the Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality quote: "Of course it was my fault. There's no one else here who could be responsible for anything." Which is to say, if I hear someone apologizing for the weather, one likely presumption would be that they're just assuming fault as a matter of etiquette, or some latent self-hating tendency... but another, more interesting, possibility is that they're apolo…

Or, along those lines but less world-dominating, "Sorry for [choosing a time and location for our meeting that resulted in exposing you to] the rain." Same point, though. The superfluous apology lends an implied sense of influence and responsibility.

I'm sorry for this thread. Can I borrow your phone?

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#66
post #21

Reminds me of the Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality quote: "Of course it was my fault. There's no one else here who could be responsible for anything." Which is to say, if I hear someone apologizing for the weather, one likely presumption would be that they're just assuming fault as a matter of etiquette, or some latent self-hating tendency... but another, more interesting, possibility is that they're apolo…

Or, along those lines but less world-dominating, "Sorry for [choosing a time and location for our meeting that resulted in exposing you to] the rain." Same point, though. The superfluous apology lends an implied sense of influence and responsibility.

Or even an implicit acknowledgment that I do indeed have the power to call you out into the rain.

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#67
post #58
post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The last paragraph states: "How trustworthy are these results? The accumulated findings from several experiments help build a convincing case, but unfortunately the field study - which had the potential to provide the most persuasive evidence - is seriously flawed. The actor apologised for the rain then asked to borrow a phone, or in the comparison condition he just asked to borrow the phone. There was no proper cont…

Right, but "any kind of icebreaker" is a superset of "superfluous apology". It's a hypothetical extension of the result, not a flaw in the study. Saying there was no proper control condition is flat wrong. There is a control in the study that would falsify the hypothesis that they were testing.

No, there isn't. The hypothesis they were testing was whether a superfluous apology would increase the likelihood of strangers behaving in the desired manner. All they proved is that making a lead-in comment had this effect. We have no way of knowing whether it was because the lead-in comment was an apology, or if a broader range of comments would have had the same effect.

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#68
post #39
post #37

I think it's going to far to call the study seriously flawed: The core claim presented "we find that superfluous apologies increase trust in the apologizer" is being properly controlled (superfluous apology, acknowledgment, or neutral greeting followed by a trust test). Suggesting that the mechanism for that result is caused by ice-breaking effects, or by delaying the time between the introduction and the request, or…

The last paragraph states: "How trustworthy are these results? The accumulated findings from several experiments help build a convincing case, but unfortunately the field study - which had the potential to provide the most persuasive evidence - is seriously flawed. The actor apologised for the rain then asked to borrow a phone, or in the comparison condition he just asked to borrow the phone. There was no proper cont…

Which is pretty much the same thing as writing "By the way this study is junk. Why did we write this entire bullshit article anyway? Because link bait. And we could care less about actually informing our readers"

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#69
post #20

I find it weird when they use percentages for groups that are smaller than 100. 9% of a group of 32 people makes it feel like 2 people and a torso handed over their phone without the rain apology. (I'm aware this is my poor math skill, and it's something I'm working on.) I don't know if the sub has been edited, but it mentions lack of controls: > How trustworthy are these results? The accumulated findings from severa…

>I find it weird when they use percentages for groups that are smaller than 100. 9% of a group of 32 people makes it feel like 2 people and a torso handed over their phone without the rain apology.

I suppose it's slightly odd, but the point is to make it so you can compare results across similar studies and also understand how it would generalize to the general population.

>It doesn't seem to mention randomization either.

The study does (see the citation at the end). The blinding and randomization were done in the field study by not telling the person asking the questions what the hypothesis was, and by instructing him to alternate which script he followed.

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#70
post #21

Reminds me of the Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality quote: "Of course it was my fault. There's no one else here who could be responsible for anything." Which is to say, if I hear someone apologizing for the weather, one likely presumption would be that they're just assuming fault as a matter of etiquette, or some latent self-hating tendency... but another, more interesting, possibility is that they're apolo…

For me that's the most irritating feature of hpmor's protagonist. I understand that's probably intentional - so it's working. I wouldn't really trust more a person that claims exclusive agency - I'd probably trust him much less as if he doesn't respect me enough to assign me agency - how can I be sure he respects me enough to not violate my trust? You don't feel to bad if you make a promise to an NPC character in a video-game and break it, right?
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