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Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

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Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#31

Post by mhurron »

jtheory wrote: post #3

This makes a lot of sense to me - it's not even because the apology is logical, but because it's a gesture that shows the speaker is thinking of the other's welfare. There's a rule I have followed for many years when doing customer service - if the person is upset, apologize. It doesn't matter if you can't give them what they're asking for, or if they made a silly mistake. Just - make them feel better, then do what y…

> because it's a gesture that shows the speaker is thinking of the other's welfare.

To many, apologizing has become a automatic reaction and they now apologize for everything. They don't say the person is thinking of others, nonsensical apologies mean that the speaker isn't thinking anything about you and just wants to get on with their day.

You did it in the next paragraph. You're not sorry, you probably don't give a damn about them, you just need to move on to the next person.

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#33

Post by freework »

pertinhower wrote: post #30

Coupled with the many recent articles highlighting the unreliability of studies like this, I'd say this research is worth exactly squat. Example questions for practicing skeptics: The actor either (a) asked for a phone or (b) apologized for the rain, then asked for a phone. Could it be that the study simply demonstrates that saying some other pleasant thing before asking for something makes the request more effective…

Thats what I thought when I read the article too. I feel the same percentage of people would give their phone up if you said "So how about those [local sports team]".

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#34

Post by hawkharris »

It seems to me that this study says very little about the effects of superfluous apologies and more about the social etiquette of greeting someone before you ask for a favor.

The study's confederate could have said "Good morning," "Hello there" -- anything other than simply making a request -- and achieved a better response rate.

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#35

Post by bfell »

There could be an element of trustworthiness associated with apologizing for anything since you are inherently taking responsibility for something. But also it could have been that leading in with a request (with no foreplay, regardless of the type) may have come across as being brash.

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#36

Post by jtheory »

DanBC wrote: post #25
Theodores wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with you completely regarding computer support and customer service - put your hands up and apologise to the customer/client for whatever the hold-up/mistake/bug is, then to get on with the matter in hand and fix things. However, management types can discourage you from doing this as it is an acceptance that there is some liability for whatever it is that has gone wrong. There is a fear of unintended conseque…

There are words that show empathy for the other person, but without putting yourself at risk of accepting liability. They can sound a bit mechanical sometimes, and reading from a script isn't much good. Just letting someone know that you understand that they're stressed and annoyed or frustrated, and that you'll try to help them makes a big difference. At least, it does when people do it with me.

Yes, this is what I mean. Exercise empathy first - even just "I'm sorry, this is obviously frustrating" is a much better start than an angry defense of why you obviously can't include X and Y in the free version.

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#37

Post by bcoates »

I think it's going to far to call the study seriously flawed: The core claim presented "we find that superfluous apologies increase trust in the apologizer" is being properly controlled (superfluous apology, acknowledgment, or neutral greeting followed by a trust test).

Suggesting that the mechanism for that result is caused by ice-breaking effects, or by delaying the time between the introduction and the request, or by conforming to some unknown social norm are follow up experiments you'd want to perform... but there's always a follow up question, it doesn't make the initial discovery flawed.

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#39

Post by yannk »

bcoates wrote: post #37

I think it's going to far to call the study seriously flawed: The core claim presented "we find that superfluous apologies increase trust in the apologizer" is being properly controlled (superfluous apology, acknowledgment, or neutral greeting followed by a trust test). Suggesting that the mechanism for that result is caused by ice-breaking effects, or by delaying the time between the introduction and the request, or…

The last paragraph states:

"How trustworthy are these results? The accumulated findings from several experiments help build a convincing case, but unfortunately the field study - which had the potential to provide the most persuasive evidence - is seriously flawed. The actor apologised for the rain then asked to borrow a phone, or in the comparison condition he just asked to borrow the phone. There was no proper control condition. This means we don't know if the impact of the apology was specific to making an apology or merely an effect of uttering any kind of ice-breaker."

Re: Want people to trust you? Try apologising for the rain

#40

Post by yannk »

madaxe wrote: post #38

Interesting. I apologise incessantly for everything and everyone, to everyone. I've never put much thought into why I have this behaviour, but it's possible I stumbled on the same phenomenon as these folks purely due to pressure.

I'm sorry you feel pressurized
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