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Hug vs. Handshake

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Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#61

Post by unalone »

claudius wrote: post #56
unalone wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is silly logic. If you were really treating women equally to men, you wouldn't follow a "what's good for one is good for the other" policy. You'd accept that the norms and behaviors of each gender should be held in equal regard, and adapt your own behavior to the person or group of people you're talking with. Acknowledging, in other words, that women have as much right to be in the workplace as men, rather than…

This is very non-silly logic. Why should I care about your chromosome configuration or sexual identification? It is not my business, and I expect you to respect that. Hence it is absolutely obvious to treat men and women equally and not adapt one’s greetings procedures to the gender of the other person. After all, punching girls is exactly as appropriate as punching guys.

If you think that treating genders equally has nothing to do with accepting variations in social norms, then you're missing pretty much the whole purpose of the "treat women equally to men" thing.

Gender inequality is almost wholly a social problem, not a biological one. And

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#63

Post by intrazoo »

fredleblanc wrote: post #13

I try to short-circuit awkwardness by putting my hand up to high-five people. If there's someone between handshake and hug, I've found that gesture is comfortable enough for most, explains the situation without saying anything, and gives everyone a way out. Your mileage may vary.

I came here to say this. Oh course it is not perfect all the time, but I find it useful in team and personal-world situations all the time. Sometimes, if i'm feeling really campy, i say "good game" too (if it is at the end of something).

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#64

Post by jaimebuelta »

voidlogic wrote: post #55

>>kiss on the cheek Interesting I don't think that I have ever seen that except on TV/movies. (Outside of grandparents and grandchildren) I've always thought of hugs involving males as reserved for family and close female friends (or your girl friend/wife’s close female friends). Hug in a business setting.. never! I've also thought handshakes should be as medium strength as possible. I live in the U.S. Great Lakes re…

In Spain (where I come from) that's usual except in the most formal environment when a female is involved (male/female and female/female). For example, the first time I meet my (female) boss (or coworker), I'll give a handshake. Once we have a working relationship, is common to cheek-kiss (twice, starting left, just touching the cheeks, and optionally kissing to the air, doing very obviously and simulating loudly the sound is very posh)

If the relationship is close, you can actually kiss the cheek of the other person, but that's optional. If the relationship is very close, you will hug and kiss on the cheek, but just once.

On males, if the relationship is close (family or close friends), you'll get the hug and kiss once, though it depends on people. A "casual" handshake and/or hug it's the common for friends.

All this complicated ritual is called "kissing", so I guess can be difficult to know when to do what for foreign people, but it gets typically done in a very casual way, so most people won't feel very awkward if they try to kiss and get a handshake or otherwise.

Curiously, only a couple of months after I came to Ireland, I met the girlfriend of a coworker, and she introduces herself with a handshake. I shake her hand, and then said: "Oh, I'm too new here, I almost kiss you". Just as the words escaped my mouth I got how weird that sounds (the look on her face was also funny). I didn't talk to her on the rest of the night or try to explain myself. Too embarrassing :-D (I've talked to her later, so I don't think there's bad feelings involved or anything)

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#65

Post by corin_ »

peterwwillis wrote: post #60
corin_ wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In the UK (or at least among people I know, both personally and in work circles), asking if you can hug someone would be just about the most awkward thing you can do. I don't really have any advice on a better answer, for me it just... feels natural. For both work and personal, both men and women, there are some who I'd hug, some a kiss on the cheek (women only for this one - except a few people in France/Belgium I w…

It may feel awkward at first, but asking is a form of showing respect. The worst that can happen is they say no. Maybe the best reason to do this is to practice consent culture in our everyday lives. As it relates to HN readership, consent culture would go a long way in improving the work [and convention] environment for women in technology. I wish more awkward nerds would read up on this. http://pervocracy.blogspot.…

I think our circles may have different social norms. Being asked wouldn't feel like respect, it would feel even more awkward than asking someone else.

And the idea that this needs a shift towards "consent culture" is just... weird. Maybe some people can't read, or don't feel comfortable trying to read, the signs as to what will work socially, and if they want to set rules that's fine. I don't have any problem with someone who will only shake hands, or who won't have any physical contact at all - hell, if they want to follow your rule of always asking, I'd feel awkward, but if that's what you prefer then whatever, I'm fine with that. But don't assume everyone needs to follow your rule. For the record I've never asked anyone if they want to have sex, that hasn't lead to me raping anyone.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#66

Post by ducksauz »

In business situations, stick with the handshake. A hug is just inappropriate. Save those for friends and family.

As for the handshake, go with Ron Swanson's advise: Firm, Dry, 3 seconds.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#67

Post by codfrantic »

DoubleMalt wrote: post #51

When I came to Vienna, the big city, being a slightly awkward nerd, it took serious adjustment to the fact that all male/female and female/female greetings of people that know each other fairly well involved cheek kissing (twice, starting with the right cheeks). But I got used to it, and even learned different forms (twice, starting left - dunno where high chance for funny misunderstandings, thrice, starting right -…

In the Netherlands we also use the three cheek kisses, foreigners get used to it quick enough if you ask me :-)

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#68

Post by troels »

unalone wrote: post #46
claudius wrote: post #15

What I find even more inappropriate is random women I talked to once suddenly thinking it is necessary to hug me. Really, no. We can shake hands if you insist, but a hug is an absolutely no-go unless you are closer than close family.

Some people are just huggers. As a fan of hugs I approve of people who get down to hugging quickly, though I understand why non-huggers would be squicked out by that. If that wigs you out, I have a particular friend group for whom kissing becomes a thing almost immediately after they've met you. The first time it happens it can be absurdly disorienting.

I love how you're framing people as "huggers" or "non-huggers". Similar to the good old "technical" and "non-technical".

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#70

Post by twrkit »

When I run into a male acquaintance, I know exactly how to greet him: shake his hand. Doesn’t matter how long we’ve known each other. I even shake my dad’s hand.

Maybe I'm too friendly or completely oblivious to how socially awkward and creepy I am, but I hug many of my close male friends, even though I am a 'cisgendered heterosexual male.' In a way I am saddened that the author is not on 'hugging terms' with is own father.

Perhaps he is overthinking the trivial niceties of social interactions? In my mind, it's never been a Big Deal. Do what comes naturally, Anything is only as awkward you make it.

After a few misguided attempts at executing the 'urban greeting,' I have since made a conscious effort to demonstrate clear intent upon encountering an acquaintance. In other words, I make sure my hand is clearly oriented in either handshake or urban greeting ready position.

Simply put, it's like partner dancing - one must lead for the other to follow, or else you'll end up with the 'ball-and-socket' when one goes for the fist bump and the other for the handshake/high five.

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