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Hug vs. Handshake

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Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#41

Post by robotmay »

JonnieCache wrote: post #34

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…

I actually don't know how hard I'm shaking hands. I never go in strong, and I've never felt like a big guy, but I always find it really difficult to tell if I'm applying more strength than I think I am.

Any time someone tries to crush my hand I instantly feel apprehensive of them, as you describe. But perhaps some of them don't actually realise how hard they're squeezing.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#42

Post by INTPenis »

Growing up it was regular for all my male friends to hug when greeting each other. I still do this with new male friends if we haven't seen each other in a long time, or are just happy to see each other.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#43

Post by melvinmt »

JonnieCache wrote: post #34

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…

Weird, I have the complete opposite: I have a slight feeling of distrust when somebody gives me a weak hand.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#44

Post by tenfingers »

JonnieCache wrote: post #34

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…

I wouldn't consider strength of the grasp of any importance.

In some places a good grasp is more of an indication of attentive communication (as in "I'm listening/ready") than "macho-ism" of any form.

I've rarely seen strong grasps as an indicator of "macho" except in early adulthood/teens, where it's mostly a form of play.

On the contrary, a very flimsy grasp gives you exactly the opposite: the handshake becomes an afterthought.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#45

Post by w0utert »

heyitsnick wrote: post #29
stargazer-3 wrote: post #8

To make it even more complicated, people from different counties react differently to hugging. Taiwanese, for example, often seem be quite uncomfortable with it.

In Argentina, everyone kisses once on the cheek, including between men. Certainly a culture shock at first, put it avoids all the ambiguity in NA/Europe. Edit: I should say I only know that to be true in the BsA area. Not sure about other provinces.

In most of Europe, kissing each other on the cheek in informal settings is also perfectly normal, but usually not between men. Where I'm from (Netherlands) three kisses on opposing cheeks is more or less the standard greeting if at least one girl/woman is involved, but only after you get to know each other a little better. In other European countries, 3 kisses is weird but 1 is normal. I've never been anywhere in Europe where hugging is considered a normal way of greeting, except among close friends and relatives, and usually only in special situations (haven't seen each other in a very long time, or meeting under difficult circumstances). When I visit the US, the first time someone tries to hug me still keeps surprising me...

So yeah, greeting seems to be a pretty diverse and complicated cultural phenomenon ;-)

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#46

Post by unalone »

claudius wrote: post #15

What I find even more inappropriate is random women I talked to once suddenly thinking it is necessary to hug me. Really, no. We can shake hands if you insist, but a hug is an absolutely no-go unless you are closer than close family.

Some people are just huggers. As a fan of hugs I approve of people who get down to hugging quickly, though I understand why non-huggers would be squicked out by that.

If that wigs you out, I have a particular friend group for whom kissing becomes a thing almost immediately after they've met you. The first time it happens it can be absurdly disorienting.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#47

Post by looki »

melvinmt wrote: post #43
JonnieCache wrote: post #34

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…

Weird, I have the complete opposite: I have a slight feeling of distrust when somebody gives me a weak hand.

I know this guy who won't even attempt to participate in the procedure. He just gives you his hand. It's like he just inserts his flat hand into yours and removes it once you let go. No shake either.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#48

Post by bcgraham »

melvinmt wrote: post #43
JonnieCache wrote: post #34

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…

Weird, I have the complete opposite: I have a slight feeling of distrust when somebody gives me a weak hand.

Ditto. And I squeeze the hell out of their hand to relate reliability and engagement. If I shake someone's hand and they give me a weak handshake, I see it as, above all, not being engaged. I feel like it leaves emotional distance.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#49

Post by unalone »

reiche wrote: post #22

Women wanted to be treated equally to the men in the workplace, so no hugs from me. Simple and straightforward.

This is silly logic.

If you were really treating women equally to men, you wouldn't follow a "what's good for one is good for the other" policy. You'd accept that the norms and behaviors of each gender should be held in equal regard, and adapt your own behavior to the person or group of people you're talking with. Acknowledging, in other words, that women have as much right to be in the workplace as men, rather than treating their actions as somehow foreign or alien to the "acceptable" male norms.

I mean, your simple and straightforward logic is the logic that four-year-old boys use when they want to punch girls on the playground and don't feel like being courteous.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#50

Post by arethuza »

heyitsnick wrote: post #29
stargazer-3 wrote: post #8

To make it even more complicated, people from different counties react differently to hugging. Taiwanese, for example, often seem be quite uncomfortable with it.

In Argentina, everyone kisses once on the cheek, including between men. Certainly a culture shock at first, put it avoids all the ambiguity in NA/Europe. Edit: I should say I only know that to be true in the BsA area. Not sure about other provinces.

I'm in Scotland (and from a particularly dour bit of Scotland) and I can remember an Italian chap who was working with us for a while exclaiming "Why, I bet you have never kissed your father".

The palpable sense of horror that this created remains with me to this day.

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