Thanks for sharing. I think plenty of people get into these situations. They are tough to recognize, and even harder to act upon. I respect your thought about recovery, its been almost a year since I left my scenario, I've had to learn slowly how to forgive myself for not being able to get back up to 110%. You'll get there at some point but all those years in a bad situation do take a toll, be patient with yourself and celebrate every step of progress. (like the .5 lbs I lost this week!)
Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
61–70 of 224 posts
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#62Earlier quoted context omitted.
I guess it's all relative. To be honest, I would be over the moon to never "work" again. Don't wanna be needed, don't wanna have to report to anyone, don't wanna be part of a pyramid scheme earning some CEO or founder 50% of company payroll. I could very happily set and achieve little goals for the rest of my life -- in video games, education, little creative pursuits, and hobbies -- and never once look back. Really…
I agree with you, but I also feel there is a huge difference between not working and doing nothing at work. The latter is way more draining to me.
Yes, the latter has a big guilt factor involved which for me, weighs me down heavily.
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#63Glad you got out of that situation. Burnout & depression suck. They're cycles that area easy to get stuck in and hard to get out of. When it comes to avoiding such situations in the future, therapy and personal boundaries are the tools I personally reach for, but recovery is a long journey. Don't let them drain you of the energy you need to make life worth living. As a mentor told me, "Illegitimi non carborundum".
Echo company motto in the VTCC.
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#64I’ve had the opposite experience: you don’t know what you got until is gone.
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#65I've been in that situation a few times, and was always proactive about moving on before losing a job.
After I quit my second job (41 years ago) I felt a tremendous relief that I did not immediately understand. Things had gotten worse there over time, and like a frog being slowly brought to boil, I did not realize how bad it had become until after I left.
It's usually pretty easy to see the signs that your future is limited, and that is the time to start looking for a new position.
In the end, it's only a job, and your life is far more important.
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#66Thanks for sharing. > Just doing nothing sounds awesome. It's not. It's crap. Yeah, this is something people don't realize until they're it in. It's not fun. Humans long to be needed. > but I didn't have the courage to jump This is one of those things I personally have trouble wrapping my head around, but I know it happens. Kudos for getting it done.
> Humans long to be needed.
Between personal survival and tribal survival (a sort of partial gene survival pattern) It makes a lot of sense.
until recently (and even currently in some places). If you do nothing you freeze, starve, and fail to attract a mate for procreation.
Until recently if you were not a net contributor to the tribe, you risked being ejected.
We likely have hardwired circuits that ensure we are actively contributing (ie needed).
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#67I'm there now. The endless cycle of staring at the bedroom ceiling trying to muster the will to get out of bed, the anger at the existencial inertia, the tiny voice inside my head that says "jump" while staring at the abyss. Glad to see you made it out, guess there's still hope out there.
Why not move on? I know that right now the economy is not exactly in a good shape, but what you are going through right now is worse.
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#68Can't the inverse be said (probably just as often): you don't know how good you have it until you lose it? I remember a job I thought was bad/toxic as you described. Months/years later, it turns out I was wrong.
It can be said, but does it happen as often?
This sounda pretty easy to be empircal about. What % of people who quit jobs regret it vs. regret not leaving sooner vs. have no regrets? Is it higher/lower in tech?
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#69If you are in a large company and don't have a good relationship with your boss or department, one good option is to network with other people/departments in the company and find a cool project to work on. It's super easy for HR to approve internal transfers since you are already past all the new hire paperwork. When I was an intern at a large company, I rotated through a TON of departments until I found what I liked…
I have a friend that just finally made this happen for himself with Big Blue. A zillion awesome things going on there, and he got stuck in a hole due to crappy mgmt. Onwards and upwards, without leaving the office he already worked in!
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#70Completely relatable. I watched my dog eating a bone in the sunlit grass of my backyard happy and content, and realized how much smarter it is than me.
I was working my ass off pulling 18 hour days climbing the corporate ladder, trying to get wealthy and I was absolutely miserable. Happiness doesn't come from money, it comes from having everything you need in front of you. It took watching my dog gnaw a bone to make me realize that.
I punched out, went back to the startup world for way less pay working on problems I actually enjoy solving, at a pace that isn't detrimental to my health, and I have been much happier.
I also gave up a lot to do so - in time and money - but I have zero regrets. At least I learned a really valuable lesson about myself.