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You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

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Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#61

Post by Estragon »

deadmansshoes wrote: post #36
ComputerGuru wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just like anything else in life, you have to do this step-by-step. First, don't sell yourself short. You have some valuable attributes and characteristics that others will find valuable. You find a friend or group of friends who are a notch or two closer to where you want to be, people that have something valuable to give you and to whom you can give something back . You slowly replace your friends with "better" ones…

"You slowly replace your friends with "better" ones"..."will make you more of who you want to be" I believe the talented Mr Ripley used this strategy to good effect. There's a saying about never trust anyone who doesn't have at least one friend left from childhood.

This saying is hard to google for, and quite intersting. Do you have a cite handy?

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#62

Post by ComputerGuru »

HaloZero wrote: post #54
deadmansshoes wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"You slowly replace your friends with "better" ones"..."will make you more of who you want to be" I believe the talented Mr Ripley used this strategy to good effect. There's a saying about never trust anyone who doesn't have at least one friend left from childhood.

Not sure what the point of the childhood friend thing is. I was a very very awkward youth (I didn't speak English well and I was one of few Indian students at my school) so I had a lot of trouble making friends. I don't have many friends from my childhood because I wasn't very good at it, I didn't really establish lasting friendships until High School and College.

I would say HS counts as childhood.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#63

Post by prophetjohn »

I don't understand how the title of the article is relevant. I'm inclined to believe that there's some truth to it, but after reading the blog, I didn't gain any insight on the topic. It just seemed like a nice story about a girl who turned her career around.

At the very least, I don't see how an automation engineer is the mean of two Google engineers, a brogrammer, an architect, and a soccer team president.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#64

Post by brc »

ppog wrote: post #10

"Bottom line: If the main topic of conversation you have with your friends is not how you can better yourself, you need to get new friends." Thanks, but I'm happy with the friends I have and with the kind of conversations we have. If your friends love talking about "how you can better yourself," then fair enough -- whatever works for you. On the other hand, if your friends love talking about the things they do, inter…

But doesn't this hinge on the definition of 'bettering yourself'.

To me, your comment isn't mutually exclusive with the original.

People discussing things they've learned, ideas and activities who, by my definition, are bettering themselves. You might like your friends, then probably, your friends are bettering themselves, and so are you. You mightn't realise this, but spend some time with people who have a social circle where complaining and moaning and hating the world are pre-requisites for membership, and you'd probably realise how good your current friends are.

I don't take 'better yourself' line to mean climbing a career/social/income ladder, or obsessively reading Dr Phil type books, to me it just means improving yourself continuously.

If you flip it over and get: "if you find your friends talking themselves down and complaining all the time, you need to get new friends"

I don't think too many of us would argue with that.

While the thought of dropping friends might seem harsh to some, you are definitely the product of your relationships and the thinking that goes along with them. Your life is also a product of the opportunities that come along, and having the wrong surroundings will produce the wrong opportunities.

You can do a lot worse with your time than make a new friend with someone who is positive and likes to continually learn. There's a lot of people out there who could use that advice.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#65

Post by DrJosiah »

The title suggests some sort of study involving more than one person, the content isn't a study, it's an anecdote.

Also, your "bottom line" is worse than patronizing, it's bullshit. I have friends that I talk movies with. I have other friends I talk music with. Others I talk about technology with. Even others I talk about relationships with. None of my goals in knowing and interacting with those people include "get advice from them and become a better person".

Have I become better through interaction with all of them? Of course. But that's expected as long as you are receptive to changing and you have friends that are competent.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#66

Post by jamesaguilar »

swanson wrote: post #53
jamesaguilar wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> People will bash you for making an "absolute truth" I think people are bashing the statement because it's wrong, not because it's absolute. At least, I have no problem with people making absolute statements as long as they are correct, but this one certainly isn't.

Who is to say whether it is correct or not? Even if you disagree with the point, I don't see anything that makes it "certainly [not correct]".

It's trivially obvious to me that if the betterment of your economic situation is not your main goal in life, his advice is incorrect.

"If the main topic of conversation you have with your friends is not how you can better yourself, you need to get new friends."

I'm sure there is some small subset of people for whom this is true. But if that's the criteria for evaluating the truth of a universal statement then it would be hard to make one about humans that is false.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#67

Post by jamesaguilar »

brc wrote: post #64
ppog wrote: post #10

"Bottom line: If the main topic of conversation you have with your friends is not how you can better yourself, you need to get new friends." Thanks, but I'm happy with the friends I have and with the kind of conversations we have. If your friends love talking about "how you can better yourself," then fair enough -- whatever works for you. On the other hand, if your friends love talking about the things they do, inter…

But doesn't this hinge on the definition of 'bettering yourself'. To me, your comment isn't mutually exclusive with the original. People discussing things they've learned, ideas and activities who, by my definition, are bettering themselves. You might like your friends, then probably, your friends are bettering themselves, and so are you. You mightn't realise this, but spend some time with people who have a social ci…

If you broaden the definition of "better yourself" to enough to include all constructive human conversation, then maybe you could read this statement as a truth. But if you read it as plain English it's obvious that's not what he's talking about. He's talking about a very specific sort of conversation around improving one's career and skills.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#68

Post by waterlesscloud »

jamesaguilar wrote: post #66
swanson wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Who is to say whether it is correct or not? Even if you disagree with the point, I don't see anything that makes it "certainly [not correct]".

It's trivially obvious to me that if the betterment of your economic situation is not your main goal in life, his advice is incorrect. "If the main topic of conversation you have with your friends is not how you can better yourself, you need to get new friends." I'm sure there is some small subset of people for whom this is true. But if that's the criteria for evaluating the truth of a universal statement then it wou…

I read the statement in a much broader way, and would disagree that it is at all obvious that he meant it in the narrow sense you are interpreting it.

In fact, if you read the whole article, I'm somewhat confused that you could imagine he even primarily means economic betterment.

It seems clear to me that he means you should be working to live your life doing things you want to do. That's what the entire article is about.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#69

Post by jamesaguilar »

waterlesscloud wrote: post #68
jamesaguilar wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's trivially obvious to me that if the betterment of your economic situation is not your main goal in life, his advice is incorrect. "If the main topic of conversation you have with your friends is not how you can better yourself, you need to get new friends." I'm sure there is some small subset of people for whom this is true. But if that's the criteria for evaluating the truth of a universal statement then it wou…

I read the statement in a much broader way, and would disagree that it is at all obvious that he meant it in the narrow sense you are interpreting it. In fact, if you read the whole article, I'm somewhat confused that you could imagine he even primarily means economic betterment. It seems clear to me that he means you should be working to live your life doing things you want to do. That's what the entire article is a…

Considering all the discussion of career switches and unhappy jobs, I'd have to differ with you on that point. To me it seems like the "doing what you love" is more in service to having a better job than the other way around. But I can see how you might come to the conclusion you have.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#70

Post by ahalan »

pnathan wrote: post #12
georgieporgie wrote: post #8

What? What was with the Eventbrite 'brogrammer' paragraph? You seem to say that 'marrying' social life and technology is a bad thing, but it's the segue into her (apparent) use of user groups and networking to further her career. Also: Bottom line: If the main topic of conversation you have with your friends is not how you can better yourself, you need to get new friends. Uh. No. If you drop universal statements like…

What is a brogrammer , anyway? I am imagining something like the Cheezburger "Bro" site, but sitting at a computer??

http://www.quora.com/Brogramming/How-does-a-programmer-becom...
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