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You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

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Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#51

Post by AznHisoka »

buf wrote: post #43
swanson wrote: post #42

I'd ignore all the complaints here about the Bottom Line message. People will bash you for making an "absolute truth", take it or leave statement - but people will also bash you for trying to appeal to everyone with an obvious generalization. You can't please everyone so at least pick a voice and stick to it. I enjoyed the post, even if some of the points are contentious and make me, personally, feel uncomfortable. T…

Thanks for the advice. I've come to realize that posting anything on HN will always amount to some bit of criticism. Also, I agree that you're spot on with your idea that there is value in being uncomfortable. I agree so much, in fact, that I wrote a blog article about how being uncomfortable is a great motivator. It's called, "Please, Make Yourself Uncomfortable." Here it is: http://bufr.tumblr.com/post/6768971854/p…

I notice a basic difference between men (which most ppl here in HN are) and women is that men's first impulse is to be critical, while women lean towards being supportive... nothing inherently wrong with either approach, both have its merits at certain times... if you're looking for emotional support, absolutely DO NOT go to men. They're horrible and want to suggest solutions, while you just want to be listened to.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#52

Post by jamesaguilar »

swanson wrote: post #42

I'd ignore all the complaints here about the Bottom Line message. People will bash you for making an "absolute truth", take it or leave statement - but people will also bash you for trying to appeal to everyone with an obvious generalization. You can't please everyone so at least pick a voice and stick to it. I enjoyed the post, even if some of the points are contentious and make me, personally, feel uncomfortable. T…

> People will bash you for making an "absolute truth"

I think people are bashing the statement because it's wrong, not because it's absolute. At least, I have no problem with people making absolute statements as long as they are correct, but this one certainly isn't.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#53

Post by swanson »

jamesaguilar wrote: post #52
swanson wrote: post #42

I'd ignore all the complaints here about the Bottom Line message. People will bash you for making an "absolute truth", take it or leave statement - but people will also bash you for trying to appeal to everyone with an obvious generalization. You can't please everyone so at least pick a voice and stick to it. I enjoyed the post, even if some of the points are contentious and make me, personally, feel uncomfortable. T…

> People will bash you for making an "absolute truth" I think people are bashing the statement because it's wrong, not because it's absolute. At least, I have no problem with people making absolute statements as long as they are correct, but this one certainly isn't.

Who is to say whether it is correct or not? Even if you disagree with the point, I don't see anything that makes it "certainly [not correct]".

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#54

Post by HaloZero »

deadmansshoes wrote: post #36
ComputerGuru wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just like anything else in life, you have to do this step-by-step. First, don't sell yourself short. You have some valuable attributes and characteristics that others will find valuable. You find a friend or group of friends who are a notch or two closer to where you want to be, people that have something valuable to give you and to whom you can give something back . You slowly replace your friends with "better" ones…

"You slowly replace your friends with "better" ones"..."will make you more of who you want to be" I believe the talented Mr Ripley used this strategy to good effect. There's a saying about never trust anyone who doesn't have at least one friend left from childhood.

Not sure what the point of the childhood friend thing is.

I was a very very awkward youth (I didn't speak English well and I was one of few Indian students at my school) so I had a lot of trouble making friends. I don't have many friends from my childhood because I wasn't very good at it, I didn't really establish lasting friendships until High School and College.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#57

Post by kellishaver »

"If the main topic of conversation you have with your friends is not how you can better yourself, you need to get new friends."

Friends serve a number of purposes. Some make us better people, some accept and support us for who we are. The best ones manage to do both at the same time.

But I think looking at a friendship from the angle of how it can benefit you and make you a better person is a somewhat selfish metric upon which to judge the quality or value of a friend.

I have certainly learned a lot from my closest friends over the years and I'm better for it, professionally and personally, but it's not the reason I chose those particular people as friends. It's a side-effect of having friends with similar interests and values, who happen to have different skill sets and different perspectives on life.

Neither is the sharing of that wisdom intentional, either, but rather it just sort of organically happens over time as we share experiences together and help each other out with work, family, and life in general. The motivation isn't to "make me better" it's to "be a better friend."

We are, after all, talking about friends here, not co-workers or colleagues or instructors or employers. This "bottom line" just feels rather shallow and selfish.

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#58

Post by dells »

writing software is not the only way to change the world. though, if this is the life she was interested in living, this is an awesome story for her. most decent people's friends don't necessarily need to be engineers or high achievers to have great value. (none of that is positive or negative in response to the post.)

Re: You Are the Average of Your Five Closest Friends

#60

Post by westicle »

swanson wrote: post #50
egypturnash wrote: post #39

I take issue with that 'bottom line'. I have friends who I hang out with and talk about the business side of what we do, yeah. We also spend a hell of a lot of time just kicking around and critiquing PROJECT IDEAS, and sharing the stuff we've found that we think is pretty awesome.

All the things you are listed are about Getting Better... Your conversations shouldn't be reciting self-help books to each other. Sharing stuff you think is awesome and kicking around projects are both great examples of bettering each other. Gossiping about celebrities or talking about that new World of Warcraft expansion pack are not.

What if you happen to think the new World of Warcraft expansion pack is awesome?
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