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Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

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61–70 of 175 posts

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#61
I just hope Jeff realizes that the amount of work per child is exponential not linear. So having twins will be about four times the work of just one child.

Also, I'm sure Jeff has already done the math on this but at at roughly seven diapers per day, 40 diapers per week, 2000 diapers per year, your average child goes through about 5000 diapers. 5K down, 10K to go :)

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#62
post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing that surprised me immensely was the unexpected new perspective and sense of respect for my own parents who had obviously been through it all themselves.

And the funny thing is, I remember them telling me "one day, if you have kids, you'll understand how this feels". I didn't take them seriously because I thought I knew everything. Now sort of understand what they meant. Now friends with older children keep telling me "little kids -- little problems, big kids -- big problems". I hear the words, but it doesn't really mean anything to me now, just a nice saying. But som…

My kid is a little sensitive. He was born prematurely and he also inherited a little allergic material from me. A month ago he had a very mild version of Lyell syndrome, most probably as an allergic reaction to an infection with staphylococcus aureus.

He's over it, he's doing great in general, he looks his age both physically and mentally and to us he's the best kid in the world (and I'm sure we aren't exaggerating much), but ever since he was born we have been freaking out, being extra careful not to catch cold, doing all kinds of tests for hearing, eye-sight, immunity, allergic reactions, bacterial infections and so on and so forth.

Imagine that in the case of this Lyell syndrome, the doctor warned us that he may lose all his skin, and that this is extremely dangerous because it will behave like being burned. Fortunately it didn't happen that way, but imagine the stress.

Now, I don't know what kind of problems I'll have later down the road, but I'm pretty sure health-related problems, especially when the child is between 0 and 2 years, are the worst ;)

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#63
I love children but I am looking forward to NEVER having them. My sister's got a couple now and my cousin's boys are carrying on the family name for the people in my family who care about that.

I think it's incredibly selfish to bring new kids into the world when there are so many that nobody wants. I don't normally say that to people and I don't really hold it against anyone (I do understand the motivations for having your own children), but that's how I feel.

If really want to do something useful and not just serve your own desires, why wouldn't you just adopt?

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#64
post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For me the main discovery is that of pure bidirectional unconditional love

Sure, I loved him from the start, but he really wasn't very interactive in the beginning and definitely a lot of work. For me the true bond really came when the little guy started following me everywhere, crawling with great effort, just not to lose sight of me. Yes, it is a burden when I am trying to fix a cup of coffee and he's standing there holding my leg making it difficult to walk from the counter to the sink,…

Yes, the first three months come with very little reward, it's exhausting. During that time almost all I can remember is my daughter crying, she cried to take a bath, to change diapers, from gas. And maybe the worst was that she cried really, really loud, affording comments from doctors and other professionals (that are in frequent contact with different kids) that she had "good lungs" or "strong personality".

Then at four months she teething started early and she couldn't even sooth herself by biting toys, so it was a real burden for everyone.

It was only after that period that things really started to look better, with her interacting more and developing a more visible personality.

I heard somewhere that babies should actually spend three more months in gestation, but can't since we started to walk upright and now have a narrower birth canal. I think it's a very elucidative theory, because in that period I really don't think that babies are ready to face the world.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#65

Congrats to Jeff! My firstborn is also Henry, and I have two year old twin girls (Ada and Alice). The most interesting things about twins is how incredibly different they are from each other. They were nurtured in the same way, they share the same sets of genes, but they are wholly and fully their own people from day 1. It is completely fascinating stuff.

Ada and Alice. Might I ask if the inspiration for those two names came from a computer background? (Ada for the first programmer, and Alice for the first Apple computer)

I bet when she gets to school Alice is going to be trying to pass secret notes to Bob.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#66
post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing that surprised me immensely was the unexpected new perspective and sense of respect for my own parents who had obviously been through it all themselves.

I became a father 2 weeks ago and that's the thing that's struck me most. We're only 2 weeks into it and we are giving everything we have night and day to look after our daughter. I don't recall ever hearing my parents using it against me or even mentioning it. You suddenly realize that ever parent has just taken it on the chin and selflessly put themselves second to their children. As a father I completely understan…

For me, the first 6-8 weeks were the most difficult. It starts getting easier and you start getting better at it. Hang in there.

Your parents didn't mention it because they probably forgot how difficult that part was. It passes quickly-- even though it may not seem like it at the time-- and is mostly a blur when you look back. Take lots of pictures. Think about keeping a journal.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#67
post #13

Nicely written, although I have to say I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it. Exhausting at times, yes, but nothing that gets me angry. As for my old life - maybe I wasn't partying hard enough, because I don't really miss it that much. OK, it is terrifying, but not because the kid is a terrorist. It is terrifying because life suddenly has you by the guts. I guess I cared a…

As I have learned, there is such a thing as easy babies and hard babies. I lotteried a hard one, and our friend landed an easy one. It's really unfair, but that's just how it goes.

If you had an easy one, don't expect that all are equal if you ever decide to have another one. ;)

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#68
post #63

I love children but I am looking forward to NEVER having them. My sister's got a couple now and my cousin's boys are carrying on the family name for the people in my family who care about that. I think it's incredibly selfish to bring new kids into the world when there are so many that nobody wants. I don't normally say that to people and I don't really hold it against anyone (I do understand the motivations for havi…

Because it's not about "doing something useful".

And that's okay.

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#69
post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing that surprised me immensely was the unexpected new perspective and sense of respect for my own parents who had obviously been through it all themselves.

I became a father 2 weeks ago and that's the thing that's struck me most. We're only 2 weeks into it and we are giving everything we have night and day to look after our daughter. I don't recall ever hearing my parents using it against me or even mentioning it. You suddenly realize that ever parent has just taken it on the chin and selflessly put themselves second to their children. As a father I completely understan…

Just to add to the many other comments here: Having just crossed a year, I swear it does get better, much, much better. Also you will honestly almost completely forget how intense those first few weeks are. You will have increasingly more and more time for yourself. In fact I'm pretty sure this year has been one of, if not the most personally productive and I've refused to sacrifice anytime with my son to make that happen. There will come a time soon where that baby is able to completely refresh you much faster than it can drain you, that first real smile... better than 3 nights of sleep :)

Re: Jeff Atwood On Parenthood

#70

Congrats to Jeff! My firstborn is also Henry, and I have two year old twin girls (Ada and Alice). The most interesting things about twins is how incredibly different they are from each other. They were nurtured in the same way, they share the same sets of genes, but they are wholly and fully their own people from day 1. It is completely fascinating stuff.

Ada and Alice. Might I ask if the inspiration for those two names came from a computer background? (Ada for the first programmer, and Alice for the first Apple computer)

Wasn't the Apple computer called Lisa?
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