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Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

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Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#61
post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> HN is a strongly self-selected group of people, with rules against bad-faith arguments I'd love to see those rules enforced someday. There are plenty of examples of such arguments to be found here.

https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&sor...

I meant for real, Dan - like bring down the ban hammer more forcefully. Let's get serious about cleaning up this place.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#62
It's not quite true in my observation. Many RL people are much more aggressive. Many are less.

I think people portray themselves differently in different contexts. Everyone is a caricature, but which side they emphasize depends on who's watching. Someone might be a skirt chaser among college friends, a board game freak on Instagram, and a virtue signaler on LinkedIn. It's still the same person, with the same opinions.

The other side of the coin is algorithms. I like chess memes and basically the internet will highlight all of my friends who are into chess memes. When I'm angry at anti-vaxxers, suddenly everyone else is. Whenever I complain about the drop in KFC quality, I find that everyone I know is just furious about KFC.

It's why I stopped using FB and Twitter; it's basically a warped mirror. Plus the algorithms encourage being a caricature. It's the PewDiePie effect - the difference between a gamer and a millionaire celebrity gamer is that the celebrity is always hyperactive and screaming at stuff. There's also a kind of tribal effect in play.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#63
Anonymity allows you to be freed from your inhibitions. If statements in real life were made as callously then people might fear for their employment, housing situation, family issue, schools, etc., being impacted in some manners. Those enforce boundaries that your inhibitions generally restrain you from breaking. As you get older then you are less restrained due to lack of boundaries. 2 cents.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#64

For in-person discussions, we should probably factor in the nature and depth of the relationship. For example, if I'm just chatting with someone at the park, I don't expect them to welcome a serious critique of views they espouse. But if I've known that person for a long time, and we're invested in each other, then I'm more likely to challenge or at least discuss touchy matters. Internet discussions, depending on the…

There's also the fact that when you're online there's a zero risk of being punched in the face when you say something the other person is likely to find unpleasant.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#65
I think there's definitely self-selection, the anonymity effect, and the fact that when people say things online they're usually in a safe place and have time to ruminate.

Mostly you just need to catch certain people at the right time to have those kinds of discussions.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#66
post #9

People don't feel guilt online, generally, because they either forget the person they are talking to is a vulnerable human, or they just imagine them as someone deserving of their vitriol. However, as soon as they are sat in front of someone and are picking up on the visual clues in facial expressions and body language which make it clear that what they are saying is actually affecting a real person with feelings, al…

I agree with that assessment. Which means it should come as no surprise to anyone, if people are harsher online to people they literally do not know. It's not nice, but the alternative is also not very pleasant, which is real life and the constant misuse of status and lack of anonymity. Although it kind of creeped up to the internet as well.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#67

To quote a great pugilist who recently laid his hands on someone outside of the ring (and not for the first time), I think the answer is really simple: "Social media made y'all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it."

A similar quote I love from Conan the Cimmerian: "Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing."

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#68
post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&sor...

I meant for real, Dan - like bring down the ban hammer more forcefully. Let's get serious about cleaning up this place.

Agressivenes in moderation (hah) can be counterproductive. Also, everyone has a bad day once in a while.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#69
In real life you see a real human's body language and can see if you are upsetting them by being critical, which may make you uncomfortable and cause you to hold back.

On the Internet I can bash anyone on any topic without obvious indicators that there is a real human being on the other end of the conversation that I may be hurting.

Also this community tends to attract contrarians who believe they know better that the majority of people on many topics, for better or worse.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#70
post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&sor...

I meant for real, Dan - like bring down the ban hammer more forcefully. Let's get serious about cleaning up this place.

It's a bit of a balancing act. If you're too ban-happy you'll get an echo chamber (some would say that HN already is one) and if anything goes the trolls drive out serious participants. I think it's remarkable that the discussion here is as good as it is, compared to e.g. reddit or other forums.

There has to be a little room for jokes and sarcasm and "devil's advocacy," as that's part of how real people talk about things.

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