This is quite an interesting take about Romantic friendship. It is a spectacle that there are different kinds of perspectives regarding love. As deep and lasting love comes in different terms.
Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms
61–70 of 90 posts
Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms
#62Earlier quoted context omitted.
My friends are my number one priority in my life, and I let them know it. As for how I met them, it’s kind of all over the place, ranging from my fraternity, my university, my meditation group, rock climbing, WWOOFing, language exchange, etc. But I think we’re friends because we really add to each other’s lives. Whenever anyone seemed interesting to me, whether it was because of the music they made, their opinions, t…
>Don't be afraid to talk to people This is so true, I like to think I've always been good at making solid, lasting friendships in my life, I have quite a few. One thing that helped me that I used to do, and I didn't realize that this was possibly awkward for the recipient, was to just call them and start talking about something. I realize in hindsight that it was probably weird for them to get a random phone call fro…
Haha yea I do the exact same thing. Never considered it might be awkward, just assumed they were down to talk.
Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms
#63After discovering that I'm "poly", whatever that means, I realized that there is absolutely no point for me to "sever" my relationships or "break up" and transition tht person into an "ex". I've decided to keep all my relationships working and sustain them as much as possible, within sane reason.
(I heard a poem read once about giving away the key to one's heart to someone, but refusing to change the lock, so that all previous keys continue to work.)
This has been one of the most rewarding decisions of my life.
I still wonder about the original purpose of our societal norms so strongly encouraging abandoning a just recently beautiful and supportive relationship just because it doesn't check all the boxes of "The One And Only".
Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms
#64I was hoping for something more conclusive. I have had two good friendships that lasted more than 2 years each. besides them, I feel like I've almost never had friends at all. I don't know if I can say they were romantic. the first one I miss so badly that I wonder if it was. the second one became romantic and now we are married. I terribly want the lifelong deep friendships that normal people seem to form accidental…
The initial connection may be random or "accidental". But friendships require work. Meeting up, hanging out, phone conversations all require some initiative to reach out and set something up (that's the work part). It won't feel like effort in a friendship but the commitment to staying in touch is key.
Also @ReactiveJelly, the long lost friend you mention (assuming he/she is still alive), just reach out. With true friends, no amount of time or distance can diminish the bond. Speaking from multiple experiences. If you fucked it up somehow, make amends. A good friend is worth it.
Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms
#65Earlier quoted context omitted.
My friends are my number one priority in my life, and I let them know it. As for how I met them, it’s kind of all over the place, ranging from my fraternity, my university, my meditation group, rock climbing, WWOOFing, language exchange, etc. But I think we’re friends because we really add to each other’s lives. Whenever anyone seemed interesting to me, whether it was because of the music they made, their opinions, t…
>Don't be afraid to talk to people This is so true, I like to think I've always been good at making solid, lasting friendships in my life, I have quite a few. One thing that helped me that I used to do, and I didn't realize that this was possibly awkward for the recipient, was to just call them and start talking about something. I realize in hindsight that it was probably weird for them to get a random phone call fro…
You can always be up front and start the conversation with "Hey, I just wanted to talk about random shit with you, do you have some time for that?"
Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms
#66[flagged]
@cryptica in the human realm, like attracts like. If you want different kinds of friends, you'll need to be a different kind of friend. And if you're good with the types of friends you describe, no judgment from me at all, go with that and enjoy what you have while it lasts. No friendship is permanent as death is a certainty. Said with love.
Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms
#67After discovering that I'm "poly", whatever that means, I realized that there is absolutely no point for me to "sever" my relationships or "break up" and transition tht person into an "ex". I've decided to keep all my relationships working and sustain them as much as possible, within sane reason. (I heard a poem read once about giving away the key to one's heart to someone, but refusing to change the lock, so that al…
> After discovering that I'm "poly"
Interesting. How did you come to discover this?
Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms
#68[flagged]
Please don't take HN threads on generic ideological flamewar tangents. They make discussion more shallow, more predictable, and nastier. We want the opposite here.
Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms
#69Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think even this won't work. Friendship just doesn't work in this system. Everyone is just looking for an opportunity to take whatever you have; even if they have more than you overall, people are greedy; they will find the one thing you have better and subconsciously try to take it or ruin if for you. If you have something that someone else wants, they will take it as soon as you turn your back. If they can't take…
i'm not a big fan of therapy but it sounds like you need therapy
Please do not do internet psychiatric diagnosis on HN. It rarely ends well.
https://hn.algolia.com/?sort=byDate&type=comment&dateRange=a...
Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms
#70Earlier quoted context omitted.
A therapist can only help you if you don't understand yourself or your situation (they can help to make sense of it by helping you to unlock new information). But I understand my situation perfectly. I will probably end up converting the therapist to my world view unless they're too shallow to understand it... In which case why would I want such shallow person as a therapist? If I want to unlearn information, maybe o…
>But I understand my situation perfectly. I will probably end up converting the therapist to my world view unless they're too shallow to understand it Or, and here is a radical thought, you don’t perfectly understand the complexities of human relationships. Maybe your arrogance and narrow world view lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy that also serves to validate your world view. See a therapist.
Crossing into personal attack will get you banned here, regardless of how narrow someone's world view is or you feel it is. If you'd please review https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and not post like this again, we'd appreciate it.
Edit: you did it twice - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29106710. That's definitely not cool.