Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms

newstatesman.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

11–20 of 90 posts

Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms

#11

Post by cryptica »

circlefavshape wrote: post #9
cryptica wrote: post #7

[flagged]

You don't have to live like this. I recommend you find some new friends not connected with your work - join a choir or maybe an improv group

I think even this won't work. Friendship just doesn't work in this system. Everyone is just looking for an opportunity to take whatever you have; even if they have more than you overall, people are greedy; they will find the one thing you have better and subconsciously try to take it or ruin if for you. If you have something that someone else wants, they will take it as soon as you turn your back. If they can't take it, they will get satisfaction from seeing you lose it.

I think unfortunately, the average person is just not altruistic enough to deserve friendship. For sure, they exist, but you won't find them. The actors are too good and too many; they will waste your life.

Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms

#12

Post by jamisteven »

cryptica wrote: post #11
circlefavshape wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don't have to live like this. I recommend you find some new friends not connected with your work - join a choir or maybe an improv group

I think even this won't work. Friendship just doesn't work in this system. Everyone is just looking for an opportunity to take whatever you have; even if they have more than you overall, people are greedy; they will find the one thing you have better and subconsciously try to take it or ruin if for you. If you have something that someone else wants, they will take it as soon as you turn your back. If they can't take…

If you dont mind me asking, where do you live? City wise..

Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms

#14

Post by brabel »

Sounds a bit like the "Firefly Lane" series on Netflix.

https://www.netflix.com/title/80994340

The two main characters definitely love each other, in a friendly way. It's a beautiful story, but because their love comes from interdependency and vulnerability, as they feel like they can only rely on each other in a world that keeps trying to get them down, it feels like their love is just a little bit less nobel. Perhaps, love without the same difficulties being faced would actually be much less interesting and sincere?!

Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms

#15

Post by zzzzzzzza »

cryptica wrote: post #11
circlefavshape wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don't have to live like this. I recommend you find some new friends not connected with your work - join a choir or maybe an improv group

I think even this won't work. Friendship just doesn't work in this system. Everyone is just looking for an opportunity to take whatever you have; even if they have more than you overall, people are greedy; they will find the one thing you have better and subconsciously try to take it or ruin if for you. If you have something that someone else wants, they will take it as soon as you turn your back. If they can't take…

i'm not a big fan of therapy but it sounds like you need therapy

Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms

#16

Post by cryptica »

jamisteven wrote: post #12
cryptica wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think even this won't work. Friendship just doesn't work in this system. Everyone is just looking for an opportunity to take whatever you have; even if they have more than you overall, people are greedy; they will find the one thing you have better and subconsciously try to take it or ruin if for you. If you have something that someone else wants, they will take it as soon as you turn your back. If they can't take…

If you dont mind me asking, where do you live? City wise..

I lived in different cities in Australia (which I assume is similar to the US)... Schools there are full of bullies and cliques (if that's an indication of how cruel the average person is).

Actually I did meet a 'soulmate' eventually (a foreigner actually) and married them but looking back now, I think it was like winning the lottery. I had to make so many compromises but it has been worth it. Extreme hardship is the only way to know if you've found a true friend and it's not something you can experience often (or at all) in your life because of how much time it takes... Also it's too easy to discard a good person too early because your own ego is getting in the way. IMO, genuine people do tend to hurt you in the first few years because that's what honest and realistic people do; the truth hurts.

Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms

#17

Post by fsflover »

dTal wrote: post #13
cryptica wrote: post #7

[flagged]

You seem to be using "crony-capitalism" as a shorthand for a toxic social environment you happen to be in. I assure you that most of the world is not like this.

Even though "most of the world" might be an overstatement, there are definitely many better people if you put the effort to find them.

Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms

#18

Post by ReactiveJelly »

GauntletWizard wrote: post #4

I don't think we do. As the article notes, these are not new concepts - the Greeks had four words for different types of loves, as recently as 50 years ago they were still known and understood in pop culture [1] It is a recent invention that has us all confused. The rush to validate the gay rights movement has pushed people far beyond their comfort zone, and the culture war has put pressure on people to assert their…

> the rush to validate

do you mean society would be better off if gay rights took longer to catch on?

> nobody is better for it... shift in religion

I am better for it. I have never been religious, though.

Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms

#19

Post by ReactiveJelly »

I was hoping for something more conclusive. I have had two good friendships that lasted more than 2 years each. besides them, I feel like I've almost never had friends at all. I don't know if I can say they were romantic. the first one I miss so badly that I wonder if it was. the second one became romantic and now we are married. I terribly want the lifelong deep friendships that normal people seem to form accidentally. I don't know how to form them even on purpose.

Re: Romantic friendship: deep and lasting connection comes in many forms

#20

Post by cryptica »

zzzzzzzza wrote: post #15
cryptica wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think even this won't work. Friendship just doesn't work in this system. Everyone is just looking for an opportunity to take whatever you have; even if they have more than you overall, people are greedy; they will find the one thing you have better and subconsciously try to take it or ruin if for you. If you have something that someone else wants, they will take it as soon as you turn your back. If they can't take…

i'm not a big fan of therapy but it sounds like you need therapy

A therapist can only help you if you don't understand yourself or your situation (they can help to make sense of it by helping you to unlock new information). But I understand my situation perfectly. I will probably end up converting the therapist to my world view unless they're too shallow to understand it... In which case why would I want such shallow person as a therapist?

If I want to unlearn information, maybe old-school electroshock therapy is a better way...

Post reply on HN