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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#61

Post by 8bitsrule »

In recent years, biographies of 'famous people' are much less 'cleaned-up' and idealized than they once were. As I've read more of them, it's clearer that the inner lives of people who 'got up on the stage' are pretty much like those of all the rest of us 'down here in the audience'. And so they are more instructive than the PR bios.

This 'haunted' lady was once young and footloose and fancy-free and in pursuit of her dreams. And so were we all. But, once off whatever stage we occupy during the day, we all need to go home. There's where we have to face the same questions ... or distract or anaesthetize ourselves so that we don't.

Nobody has all the answers. Today I like this Kenneth Patchen answer I found yesterday.

"The meaning is in the wonder."

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#62

Post by yters »

throwanem wrote: post #54
simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

Conceding your every point for the sake of argument: what use is any of that to 'Haunted' right now? It's hardly going to come as a surprise that adult life involves tradeoffs; she's speaking from a place where she has belatedly recognized that fact, and feels as if she's made every one of them wrongly. If the purpose is to help 'Haunted' - or those reading along who find 'Haunted' painfully relatable - make more of…

Perhaps advising other young women from her own experience? Then those years will not have been wasted. On the other hand, if no one learns from her mistake and makes the exact same mistake, then her years will have been wasted.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#63

Post by throwanem »

40acres wrote: post #18

Everyone around us is fighting their own little war. I've felt similarly to the writer -- I moved out of my childhood home the day after graduating college and started work that Monday. I only moved 215 miles (NYC to Boston), but it felt a world away, especially considering most Americans live relatively close to where they grew up and 215 miles in Europe goes a long way. I've made and abandoned friends at almost eve…

'Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.'

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#64

Post by bitcoinmoney »

vinceguidry wrote: post #49

> And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, “I have to have kids in a couple of years”; fun times!). I think most, if not all problems people have that aren't resource-driven (not making enough money to live) boil down to lack of ability to enjoy the present moment. And maybe even the resource-driven ones as well. If people could just learn how to relax…

True that. I read an article last week about the rohingya genocide currently in Myanmar. The article centered about a guy who suffered throughout his life. Basically going back and forth because he has no citizenship. From childhood to fatherhood. His only hope was his intelligent daughter and she was just raped and killed by the soldiers... and I get stressed because I don’t get enough s. Talk about perspective. Being in A first world country I’m already living like a king compared to 90% of the world.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#65

Post by eludwig »

Wow, so much HN hate for Polly? It's my opinion that Polly is a national treasure. Her shameless wit and sense of humor make me smile. Her profound love of humanity makes me deeply happy. Not only that, but her writing is so poetic and lovely. Truly a gem.

On the topic of this question/answer, I assume most of you are young? Or at least younger than I am. I can tell you now that the way you feel now will not last. Change is absolute. There will be a time where you will look around you for reasons to be thankful. Make as many reasons as you can. You will need them.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#66

Post by mattcaldwell »

toomuchtodo wrote: post #22
40acres wrote: post #18

Everyone around us is fighting their own little war. I've felt similarly to the writer -- I moved out of my childhood home the day after graduating college and started work that Monday. I only moved 215 miles (NYC to Boston), but it felt a world away, especially considering most Americans live relatively close to where they grew up and 215 miles in Europe goes a long way. I've made and abandoned friends at almost eve…

I'm happy to be your best man when the time comes. Email in my profile.

Maybe this is why you have "toomuchtodo" ;)

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#67

Post by smacktoward »

duxup wrote: post #8
circlefavshape wrote: post #6

When I was in college there was an older woman doing my course who was a little like this - had lived all over the world, and had had the kind of wild life that I envied. I learned from her that memories of good times don't make you happy - quite the opposite, in fact, if your present is a let-down.

A few folks I knew like that were effectively running from something(s) hoping to find something.

My therapist put it thusly: "You can't run away from problems you carry with you in your head."

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#68

Post by CPLX »

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today. And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older, shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

This is an old true story. And the answer given by the article is mostly useless, some nonsense about the nature of art and accumulating a "treasure that doesn't disappear" or something.

One thing you realize when you're old is that time is finite and life is all about trade-offs. Every day by choosing the things you do you are continuously foreclosing a whole range of things you aren't doing, and soon will never do.

We live in a consumerist culture increasingly dominated by those with a financial interest in keeping us ignorant of this fact, but that doesn't make it any less true.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#69

Post by balls187 »

I think the issue isn't the "wasted life" but rather how one measures their life.

If she was in a committed relationship, had offspring, a home with equity, savings, and a career, there is no guarantee that would bring her fulfillment.

And even if you had that fulfillment, there is no guarantee it lasts.

Life is hard, it's cruel and not at all fair. And the way to survive is learn that no matter how hard it hits, you have to keep moving forward. I feel for the author. I do.

I had "everything" going for me and in less than a year I found myself jobless, homeless, and prohibited from seeing my kids except for a few hours a day. Why? Because I finally stood up for us and called 9-1-1 on their mother for domestic violence.

I'll edit:

I'm now working on a new startup, loving every minute of it. I have a small apartment, and I have joint custody and parenting decisions with my kids. I'm getting help through a DV survivor group, making sure to prioritize my self care, and starting to date again. This struggle has brought me closer to friends, family, and to God, and has made me a better father. And it reminds me never to take for granted the things in life that I find joy in.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#70

Post by hateful »

Tade0 wrote: post #20
simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

Frankly I stopped reading the moment the book was mentioned. It feels off and insincere.

I did the same thing. In my mind I went "oh, there it is" and closed the tab. That's a shame, since the first half was quite harrowing.
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