Ok but can we have another post on how to subtly signal that you do not want to be talked to?
I've rather assumed this is half the use of airpods.
How to talk to anyone and why you should
511–520 of 584 posts
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#512Earlier quoted context omitted.
The funny thing is that if they recommended guessing based on race, rather than gender and age, the comment would be downvoted to hell.
Funny how? Are you suggesting some races are more violent? Not all immutable characteristics are made equal.
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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#513Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#514Earlier quoted context omitted.
A lot of seemingly casual interactions in the US turn out to be someone trying to sell something. When that happens a 3rd time, you start to ignore random chatter from someone that seems too friendly. The salesperson tactics abuse common social conversation rules, and one ends up feeling like they are being forced to be mean and rude to an idiot. So, to avoid that, we push away chatty strangers in the United States.
That or someone running some sort of scam or asking for money. All on the same continuum I guess. I'm always on my guard when a talkative stranger approaches me. Which is sad in a way, but experience proves it's necessary.
I'm in my 42nd year of life and I've never been small talked into giving someone money. I have been accosted by pan handlers who are directly asking for money. But never under the guise of a conversation. Ok, I take it back, once in 2011.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#515Earlier quoted context omitted.
I live in a Nordic country. The rule here is to avoid social contact at any cost. People waiting for a bus must stand at least 2 meters away from each other. Otherwise you might be close enough for someone less equipped in the local etiquette to mistake you for someone that may engage in small talk. When sitting , never sit directly next to someone else. Stand if that’s not possible and try to observe the 2 meter rul…
Regions in the US dominated by Nordic immigrants have similar patterns!
Reminds me of
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#516Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'd take just being safe from violence from people You might want to adjust your media diet because society often isn't just randomly violent.
I wish it was just media. And it's certainly not random, I wouldn't expect violence in a decent neighborhood. But I would on the subway in NYC for example (depends on the line too I guess). And by violence I don't mean necessarily assault, but anything that involves the cops, getting arrested, etc.. or certain forms of mistreatment (even though it's a stretch to call them violence). I mentioned attractiveness because…
> I wish it was just media. And it's certainly not random, I wouldn't expect violence in a decent neighborhood. But I would on the subway in NYC for example (depends on the line too I guess). And by violence I don't mean necessarily assault, but anything that involves the cops, getting arrested, etc.. or certain forms of mistreatment (even though it's a stretch to call them violence).
The fear of crime is more socially harmful than crime itself, net.
A hundred years ago, folks in the US trusted their neighbors more, despite violent crime being more likely than today. The US is objectively safer now, but, ironically, people are more afraid than ever of talking with strangers, and more distrustful of their neighbors.
If folks back then could chat with a stranger without being gripped by paranoia, I think we can do it today. Don’t let the media scare you from living life. Have chit-chat. Have fun!
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#517Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#518It makes me sad that my reaction to this piece is so cynical, but I really think that 90% of the "how" in this article is "be an older British lady". If you're missing that vital piece you'll quickly meet many people who "don't have any money", or just remembered they meant to be walking on the other side of the street, or worse. Talking to strangers when people see you as a threat feels really shitty (for everyone i…
So be an older British lady? You get to decide how people see you. Hair, clothes, body language, smile, is 90% of how people decide whether they want to interact with you. When I dye my hair all kinds of colors, random people talk to me (and the specific colors even dictate who talks). When I dress up in a suit, people treat me more seriously. When I dress like a contractor and drive my truck, regular dudes talk to m…
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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#519I went through a phase where I forced myself to socialise a lot to overcome social awkwardness and anxiety. Was well worth it, both in terms of leveling up my social skills but also in terms of eventually becoming very comfortable with myself. The main ingredient, at least for me, was being determined enough to push through the discomfort. A lot of the early interactions were awkward, sometimes overtly uncomfortable,…
I am still at the awkward early interaction stage. How do you know what to say?, usually I can start the conversation but I don’t know where to take it after. How are you able to shift to the next stage when you have both agreed that the weather today is nice. How do you get over the feeling that you are wasting their time? Finally, how do you end the conversation when you're still going in the same direction or wait…
You've created problems that don't exist. They're concerns that most people don't have.
You don't know what to say. That's fine.
You might be wasting their time. That's fine.
You might not know how to end the conversation. That's fine.
It's ok to be awkward. It's ok to be honest. It's ok to bother people as long as you take their feedback appropriately. It's ok to walk away without saying anything.
The more often that you talk to people and actively reflect on the REAL outcomes of it, the sooner you'll realize those concerns aren't shared by most other people.
Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should
#520Earlier quoted context omitted.
This was an interesting perspective, thanks for sharing it. Its all very geographical context dependent I suspect and that's where difference in perspective can be quite different. One thing though is why you see new people as any different than strangers? I'm not a Quaker or ever attended a quaker meeting (but have always liked the ethos of the vibe) so don't know how that goes. But i've spent time in christian chur…
At church or during social gatherings in a friend's home, there is a certain set of expectations of behavior which are much more well defined and widely understood than the behavior you can expect from random people traveling though the NYC streets or subway. There are settings where I'm much more likely to engage in conversation with a random stranger than others, because I know it's far less likely that they will r…
Again maybe its a geographical thing since I don't live in NYC, but I have visited several times, so i have narrower perception of this. My view and experience is that its far more likely that engaging with a random stranger that they will either politely ignore you, go on their way than react unpredictably and/or try to scam/hurt you. Similarly, its more likely that they will respond to you (even if its a throwaway reply and thats that) than react unpredictably. A society where those two statements aren't true doesnt exist as it would be complete chaos with no interaction between anyone at all