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Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

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Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#511

Post by danenania »

0_____0 wrote: post #116
danenania wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Rather than an “intentional community” which sounds kind of overbearing to me, I’d be happy to have some way to filter for houses/apartments that are simply in proximity to others who are at least open to making friends and want to be pleasant, neighborly, etc. I don’t need or particularly want there to be any obligations or explicit organization facilitating this. When people are friendly and open, it happens natura…

If you live somewhere that's reasonably dense, this is possible. I live in a very walkable city that is also socially quite dense. Most of my social links are people who live a walk or a short bike ride away. During the warm months, if you are around town you will see people you know, and have the option of conversation. Put simply, you feel like you live in a community without having built a commune or something. Un…

What city are ya in?

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#512

Post by BehindBlueEyes »

em-bee wrote: post #44
sanderjd wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nailed it. I was going to say that I think more of us should be figuring out how to make connections with the people in the communities we live in. But I do think moving might make sense for lots of people (maybe including me), in order to have a better local community. Instead of moving to be close to past or current friends, I might suggest we should be moving to places where people are like-minded about valuing a…

i'd change that to like-minded and valuing a tight knit community. just valuing a tight knit community is not enough, because if i don't fit in with those people than they won't let me join. personally i am going for friendly and tolerant. likeminded people (for me maybe the kind of people that read hackernews) are hard to find, and are a reason for me to prefer big cities.

I believed I needed to befriend like-minded people for the longest time, and only recently did I realize that held me back - my closest friendships now are with not so like minded people and they are more fullfilling and stronger than any since making friends in school.

Where did this idea that early friendships are not as good because they weren't formed intentionally with carefully curated people come from?

Isn't the fact childhood friendships can endure despite people changing a clue that maybe it is doing things right?

I would never become homeless as long as I have my childhood friends, none of my curated friends would let each other move in without a second thought. I've made more new close friends in a year of hangout out with anyone willing to spend time together than I did in the last 5 trying hard to find like minded people.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#513

Post by BehindBlueEyes »

the_clarence wrote: post #390
bluGill wrote: post #323

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most people live where they are many jobs. Most people live close to their parents. They were able to find a job close and so choose that. Generally if you look for a job you can find plenty of them in whatever field you are in. Now jobs are the most common reason to move away. However that is still a minority situation, the majority find a place to live and then a job there. Even when looking for a new job people te…

Depends where you live. In the US people move for jobs a lot, we studied that aspect of US life in French schools. In France it's common to move to Paris to work once you finish school.

The advantage in France is that friend cohorts are likely moving to Paris roughly at the same time. But moving further out into the suburbs or returning to the province / a city nearer their hometowns to start a family is comparable to the US - just my guesstimate.

And as someone else pointed, friends living on the RER or opposite side of Paris might as well live in another city, unless meeting up somewhere halfway instead of at someone's place, but that can quickly get expensive.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#515

Post by BehindBlueEyes »

philosopher1234 wrote: post #184
davkan wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This has not been my experience. Are you just trying to find that level of communication in places like this?

It is not possible for it to exist in any text based forum because it depends on: * body language, non verbal communication * the ability to respond instantly * the ability to interrupt * the ability do develop relationships over time Which do not exist altogether anywhere on the internet

Did you not experience the golden age of ICQ, irc, msn chat? It is absolutely possible to form strong friendships entirely online - it just takes the same amount of time and effort to nourish them. I still have fond memories of friendships with the people I used to chat with a couple hours almost daily, and we still know what's going on in each other's lives 20 years later!

Consider the collections of letters from snail mail friendships some classic authors used to maintain. Also purely done in writing.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#516

Post by BehindBlueEyes »

jongjong wrote: post #503
vel0city wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or honestly maybe just bad luck. Lots of possibilities for just a one-off internet comment. But yeah no doubt wise to do some self reflection and analyze what one could do better when trying again. One shouldn't just continue the same strategy without reflection when faluire occurs. But also don't be too hard on yourself, sometimes things just don't work out.

I hope it's bad luck because I struggle to find what else to improve. I can launch high quality projects quickly and reliably and my main concern is product-market fit. I feel like I've tried everything and its opposite. Problem I face now is I've lost a lot of faith in the system and it requires a lot of energy to maintain my work ethic and also maintain the outward appearance that I still believe in success. I ofte…

Sounds like you might be burnt out and could use a break. If you're just roleplaying your belief in success at this point, maybe it shows in your job hunt and is the thing getting in your way.

That said it's tough out there and luck/timing is a huge factor. Be kind to yourself

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#517

Post by BehindBlueEyes »

0_____0 wrote: post #116
danenania wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Rather than an “intentional community” which sounds kind of overbearing to me, I’d be happy to have some way to filter for houses/apartments that are simply in proximity to others who are at least open to making friends and want to be pleasant, neighborly, etc. I don’t need or particularly want there to be any obligations or explicit organization facilitating this. When people are friendly and open, it happens natura…

If you live somewhere that's reasonably dense, this is possible. I live in a very walkable city that is also socially quite dense. Most of my social links are people who live a walk or a short bike ride away. During the warm months, if you are around town you will see people you know, and have the option of conversation. Put simply, you feel like you live in a community without having built a commune or something. Un…

Rather than what city, I'd say you need to find out what neighbourhoods in each city. I used to take a 1h commute to a community garden for the people there, instead of helping at the utilitarian community garden on my own block. Moving there would have been great but it wasn't affordable. Didn't prevent being treated like one of the neighbours each saturday!
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