0-5 Years: I depend on my parents
5-10 Years: I want to learn to be independent
11-20 Years: I want to be independent and free
20-40 Years: Oh crap I need a network of friends and our parents to depend on to help with our kids
40+ Years: Oh crap I'm dependent on the love from my children who moved out
Why don’t more people live close to friends?
511–520 of 572 posts
Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?
#512Earlier quoted context omitted.
Multiple bookstores in a U.S. town of 2000 people? Is it a college town?
There are a lot of small towns like that in western massachusetts, which are in proximity to the five colleges, but aren't in them. Places like Montague or Shelburne Falls have areas of density in town that you can walk around in and get to things, and then you can drive 20-30 minutes into Amherst or Northampton or another larger town, closer to the universities. I went to school out there and have friends from the s…
I don't think that's a sufficient condition. I too am from a New England town that was incorporated more than 200 years ago. But it doesn't have the density or the amenities that you're describing. (I wish that it did!)
Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?
#513Earlier quoted context omitted.
There are a lot of small towns like that in western massachusetts, which are in proximity to the five colleges, but aren't in them. Places like Montague or Shelburne Falls have areas of density in town that you can walk around in and get to things, and then you can drive 20-30 minutes into Amherst or Northampton or another larger town, closer to the universities. I went to school out there and have friends from the s…
Western Massachusetts is unique I have 2 world class art museums and a couple of other smaller museums within biking distance of my house.
Williamstown area?
Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?
#514> You'd Be Happier Living Closer to Friends. Really though? Anecdotally I feel the opposite... Proximity tends to breed opportunities for conflict. Personally, I really appreciate the distinction between neighbors that you have a more "professional" relationship with versus friends who maybe you have fewer day-to-day contact with but can be more intimate emotionally...
Conflict is part of relationship. The less you spend time with someone, the less intimate it is, not more. What you seek is the benefits of relationship without any of the drawbacks. But they come as a package deal.
By the same logic, boundaries and distance are also part of a healthy relationship, and there's no point to forcing proximity when it is not desired.
The original title of this post was "You'd Be Happier Living Closer to Friends." which I disagree with. It has since been changed to "Why don’t more people live close to friends?" which feels like a much more reasonable inquiry.
The matter of fact is not everyone wants to be social and connected all the time. While it might be interesting to discuss how the modern world limits people who do enjoy being more close to their friends, my point is that it is critical to also recognize that, no, sometimes you'd be less happy living closer to friends.
Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?
#515Earlier quoted context omitted.
How? My eight year old daughter gets to roam free and has seven or eight different kids she plays with on a weekly basis. A few of them daily. We’re not worried about her getting carried off because the area is super safe. We lived in the city before and it was dangerous and the neighbor had a crazy pitbull chained up that’d break out all the time so we couldn’t let her out of the house. It’s also very diverse, her f…
> We lived in the city before and it was dangerous and the neighbor had a crazy pitbull chained up that’d break out all the time so we couldn’t let her out of the house. That's not specific to cities. My wife grew up on a farm, where neighbours lived a hundred meters away, and her brother had an entire chunk bitten out of his leg by a neighbour's dog. I grew up in a village, and I was terrified of some of the dogs th…
Oh yeah CPS came and determined we weren’t neglecting our children when some busybody called on us. It was annoying.
Then she lost her job and had to move away, which I definitely didn’t feel any sense of schadenfreude from. We ended up buying her an Apple Watch with cell service and the complaints stopped.
I think us letting our daughter roam free has changed the general mood of the neighborhood and I’ve noticed far more children playing outside. We’ve been the catalyst to get everyone to just chill out. Be the change you want to see in the world and all that.
Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?
#516I have a behaviour that some people have said is weird. I rarely hold on to friends when I change locales. Once in university, I had none of my high school friends within a year. Once I graduated, I had almost none of my university friends within a year. I just make friends with whoever is nearby. People I work with. Neighbours. People from the Curling club. I don't really feel anything about it, positive or negative…
I think the way you frame this is probably weird, but the actual behavior is completely normal. Most people would say that they care about their friends from previous phases of their life, but most social research says that friends rarely survive the transition from one stage or location to the next. For friends, proximity is king. I would frame this that I have much love for these people, but that we are on differen…
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Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?
#517Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?
#518Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah, it's just Fox. Not official crime statistics. Or even Wikipedia: "The American city of Baltimore, Maryland, is notorious for its crime rate, which ranks well above the national average. Violent crime spiked in 2015 after the death of Freddie Gray on April 19, 2015, which touched off riots and an increase in murders. The city recorded 348 homicides in 2019, a number second only to the number recorded in 1993 whe…
For reference, 348 homicides in one year for a city of half a million people is the same risk (using the micromort) as base jumping twice in the same year, or driving 175k miles, or 85ish skydives.
Yeah, nothing to see here, move along...
Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?
#519Earlier quoted context omitted.
I see two faces of it. One is meeting local people as in building local community and fulfilling socialising bar for yourself. Another is collaborating on ideas long-term. Those are very different. For me the most valuable part is the later. And interwebs do wonders in this space. Same conversions IRL may have been nicer, but there's no way I could have been part of them (or at least so many of them) otherwise. And i…
I'm saying that most of Europe has access to such spaces, and that they serve an important purpose. It's a good place for loosely planned social encounters. Whether or not you personally like them is irrelevant. > And if you're in a crowded cafe watching a famous person You can go to another café
Born, raised and living in Europe, it seems to me to be a myth of days long gone. I love the idea in theory. But I just don’t see it playing out in real life. They do play a role. But I do see similar, if not better, scenarios happening in different settings.
Another cafe wouldn’t have that famous person though. Which is fine. Just saying that many real life interactions ain’t deep 1-on-1 conversations.
Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?
#520Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah, it's just Fox. Not official crime statistics. Or even Wikipedia: "The American city of Baltimore, Maryland, is notorious for its crime rate, which ranks well above the national average. Violent crime spiked in 2015 after the death of Freddie Gray on April 19, 2015, which touched off riots and an increase in murders. The city recorded 348 homicides in 2019, a number second only to the number recorded in 1993 whe…
I don't understand why people like to bath in drama like this. Yes, there are statistics... But, to be a bit cynic, you can spend your whole life being afraid of everything. But you can not spend the rest of your death being sorry about the decision that led to your demise. IOW, I'd much rather have a burden-free life where I might be a little unlucky and die before I reach the average lifespan... Instead of being ca…
>I don't understand why people like to bath in drama like this. Yes, there are statistics... But, to be a bit cynic, you can spend your whole life being afraid of everything.
Or you can spend your life in a safe, normal, environment, not just a crime ridden place, where crime of course doesn't end with homicides (those are the tip of the iceberg).
You know, so that you can have kids playing outside, cops not shooting first and asking questions later because of the crime rate, women not afraid of being raped or assaulted, and so on...
>Is it that my doctor told me that I have only a 50/50 chance of reaching the age of 30 that I see risks as a worthwhile thing to embark on. Or am I just stupid not wanting to waste my life with fear and not caring enough about becoming old?
You literally compared a crime ridden city to a terminal illness with big chances of dying before your time. Couldn't have put it better myself.
That people can still find joy in life or live their lives as best as they can, is orthogonal.
People can also find joy and love, and a purpose, while their country is at war, but that's not something we should tolerate as if "war/peace, it's all the same to me".