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Hug vs. Handshake

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Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#51

Post by DoubleMalt »

When I came to Vienna, the big city, being a slightly awkward nerd, it took serious adjustment to the fact that all male/female and female/female greetings of people that know each other fairly well involved cheek kissing (twice, starting with the right cheeks).

But I got used to it, and even learned different forms (twice, starting left - dunno where high chance for funny misunderstandings, thrice, starting right - Serbia iirc).

I greet everybody with a Handshake when I meet them the first time but can say the most universal rule is just to be relaxed about it.

People that are so uptight to have a bias against someone where the first greeting results into some awkwardness through cultural differences (where cultural differences cann also easily occur even within the same city), is not someone I want to be acquainted most of the time.

Contrary I even find a little misunderstanding about greeting protocol on a first meeting being a good ice breaker.

For business purposes I would of course always plead for erring on the conservative side ;) handshakes work well most of the time.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#52

Post by benjamincburns »

There's always my favorite: finding out if it's appropriate to hug someone you want to hug without it being awkward.

My strategy: Approaching from a bit of a distance with arms down look happy and kind of throw your arms out - half "this could turn into a hug" half "I'm just excited to see you." If they reach out a hand, shake it. If they reciprocate, go in for the hug. If they don't, stay safe with the handshake. The point is to give them time and opportunity to react with body language rather than speech, but not so much time that everyone's stuck thinking about it and upping the awkward factor. If it does get awkward just change the subject and move on. You'll both forget about it in a few minutes.

Either way, I'm with everyone else here in that I believe informal greetings are for informal relationships.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#53

Post by CognitiveLens »

melvinmt wrote: post #43
JonnieCache wrote: post #34

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…

Weird, I have the complete opposite: I have a slight feeling of distrust when somebody gives me a weak hand.

I've always wondered what happens when two people meet who literally don't flex any muscle in their hand while shaking... must be some kind of strange hand mashing.

I grip with what I hope is a sincere level of firmness - as in, "I'm really pleased to be shaking your hand, thank you" - and I'm flummoxed when it feels as though the other person has simply dangled their appendage for me to interact with.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#54

Post by cjg »

JonnieCache wrote: post #34

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…

I try to adjust the strength of my handshake, depending on a few factors, but mostly related to how hard the other persons will shake my hand.

I'm not trying to match the strength of their shake, just adjust my own. The objective is to make the other person feel more comfortable.

I start with a strength based on some stereotypes (for example, slim women generally have weaker handshakes than big men), but adjust the strength during the shake if I feel my initial strength wasn't right.

Whether this makes the other person actually feel more comfortable is difficult to know, but it makes me feel happy that I've tried.

However, it does mean that I feel a bit sorry for people who have a crushing handshake - what do they think they are doing?

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#55

Post by voidlogic »

>>kiss on the cheek

Interesting I don't think that I have ever seen that except on TV/movies. (Outside of grandparents and grandchildren)

I've always thought of hugs involving males as reserved for family and close female friends (or your girl friend/wife’s close female friends). Hug in a business setting.. never!

I've also thought handshakes should be as medium strength as possible.

I live in the U.S. Great Lakes region/Midwest.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#56

Post by claudius »

unalone wrote: post #49
reiche wrote: post #22

Women wanted to be treated equally to the men in the workplace, so no hugs from me. Simple and straightforward.

This is silly logic. If you were really treating women equally to men, you wouldn't follow a "what's good for one is good for the other" policy. You'd accept that the norms and behaviors of each gender should be held in equal regard, and adapt your own behavior to the person or group of people you're talking with. Acknowledging, in other words, that women have as much right to be in the workplace as men, rather than…

This is very non-silly logic. Why should I care about your chromosome configuration or sexual identification? It is not my business, and I expect you to respect that. Hence it is absolutely obvious to treat men and women equally and not adapt one’s greetings procedures to the gender of the other person.

After all, punching girls is exactly as appropriate as punching guys.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#57

Post by chasb »

Millennium wrote: post #37
praptak wrote: post #14

Isn't the social norm[1] to wait for a woman to initiate the handshake? The norm doesn't specify the timeout but to me it comes naturally to just nod and say hello after the "moment"[2] I am convinced the timeout happened. [1] It certainly is in Poland and I am fairly convinced about Western Europe too [2] About one and a half igniseconds [3] [3] www.unwords.com/unword/ignisecond.html‎

I don't know if it's precisely the social norm in the US, but I've found that it works extremely well.

Same here - as a male interacting with a female, waiting for the other party to initiate any physical contact is the best bet. If they want to hug you, they'll do it.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#58

Post by skreech »

I offer a hug to anyone who I'm not in a professional relationship with. Most people seem to like this, and if they don't, I switch to a 'bro hug' in mid-motion. Nice and simple.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#59

Post by graeme »

JonnieCache wrote: post #34

I'm more concerned about the strength of handshakes. I have a bias against anyone who actively squeezes my hand with anything beyond a simple, firm grasp. It comes across as macho, like you've got something to prove, and therefore untrustworthy. I'd like to point out here that I'm admitting a bias rather than expressing an opinion. EDIT: at least now I'm approaching something resembling adulthood I don't have the pro…

Be careful with this. As another commenter pointed out, there are some of us who mistrust any handshake that's not firm.

I generally try to match my handshake to the person I'm shaking, but I feel a shiver of disgust when given a limp hand.

I feel the most trust towards someone with a firm, strong grip.

The only handshake I dislike is the one that literally crushes your hand. But those are pretty rare, and distinct from a firm grip.

I don't actually know which handshake style tends to be most popular.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#60

Post by peterwwillis »

corin_ wrote: post #38
peterwwillis wrote: post #17

Do not hug someone without asking first. Also, don't do the open-arms-moving-in-and-then-asking-for-a-hug. People who might feel uncomfortable hugging you now feel socially forced to. Ask the first time, and ask if you can hug them again in the future. If you're really feeling awkward, start out with a hand wave as you approach the person... either they'll wave back, or try to initiate a handshake/hug with you. Eithe…

In the UK (or at least among people I know, both personally and in work circles), asking if you can hug someone would be just about the most awkward thing you can do. I don't really have any advice on a better answer, for me it just... feels natural. For both work and personal, both men and women, there are some who I'd hug, some a kiss on the cheek (women only for this one - except a few people in France/Belgium I w…

It may feel awkward at first, but asking is a form of showing respect. The worst that can happen is they say no.

Maybe the best reason to do this is to practice consent culture in our everyday lives. As it relates to HN readership, consent culture would go a long way in improving the work [and convention] environment for women in technology. I wish more awkward nerds would read up on this.

http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/01/consent-culture.html (this blog might be NSFW)

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