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Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding
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Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding
#52Earlier quoted context omitted.
You might need to surround yourself with more compassionate people, if you truly feel that no one is willing to consider your emotional wants and needs.
They are lovely and compassionate people, they're simply unable to extend that to me, partly because they're blinded by societal expectations of men (they often don't really see me as an emotional creature), partly because they lean on me for support, and so the idea that I might not be an unshakable pillar is terrifying for them. When I go to them for support, it's not that they don't want to provide it, it's that t…
I can relate. I actually had a friend tell me "if you ever think of killing yourself, get in touch with me" after an acquaintance committed suicide. Well, I did have a depressive episode and got in touch for help, but got radio silence. Soon after the friendship was dead, he lost interest and couldn't hang out. Now I rely on therapy only.
Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding
#53Earlier today I sent my SO a long string of text messages about a problem that I was having, including one of them that said "I feel like garbage." I was feeling really down. They didn't respond to any of the text messages; when they got home, I asked them about it, and it seemed like they just sort of skimmed them and they didn't notice that one in particular. I didn't mention it; I just let it go. Do I "not underst…
> I sent my SO a long string of text messages about a problem that I was having, including one of them that said "I feel like garbage."
Is it possible you buried the lede? I'm a fellow sender of long strings of text messages. I've found that not everyone appreciates my potentially sprawling/parallel communication style. They don't always have the time or capacity to pick through all my words and respond thoughtfully to each point.
I used to take it personally, until I realized I was just being overwhelming. Now, if one thing in particular matters to me, I focus on communicating that one thing. I leave the rest on the back burner for more casual conversation.
Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding
#54I really like the thrust of this argument (loneliness is about not being understood) but I think the solution is off the mark... > So it’s your task to make others understand you There is another task that is just as important. You need to find people who are capable of understanding you . It may sound like a cart/horse issue where you need to understand enough about yourself to find people who are receptive. That my…
Is sexuality the only conflicting thing we can think of nowadays? I can think of at least 10 things people might freak out about me, without even getting to thinking about what sexuality I may have. In general I agree with the premise of "You need to find people who are capable of understanding you". It's actually a combination of that and your feeling about yourself. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I'll just ca…
> I can think of at least 10 things people might freak out about me
Wow! I'm a total weirdo and I can only think of like 4-5.
Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding
#55Earlier quoted context omitted.
You might need to surround yourself with more compassionate people, if you truly feel that no one is willing to consider your emotional wants and needs.
They are lovely and compassionate people, they're simply unable to extend that to me, partly because they're blinded by societal expectations of men (they often don't really see me as an emotional creature), partly because they lean on me for support, and so the idea that I might not be an unshakable pillar is terrifying for them. When I go to them for support, it's not that they don't want to provide it, it's that t…
Sounds like a similar situation I had where the relationship dynamic that was created at the start was the main cause for the issues later.
I recently went through a purging of many of these one sided relationships. People I thought were friends, the kind who I would show up for and never ask for anything, but when it came time for me to need someone to lean on it was crickets. They are not bad people, I wouldnt have wasted time on them if they were, but now we are no longer compatible since my standards changed. (for both my approach and theirs)
It took some time to realize how un-healthly keeping that dynamic around had been, and that I am better off mostly alone doing my life while meeting new people (though it is difficult to make new friends).
There was one, even with their own limitations at the time, that tried to be supportive without making jokes or other weird behaviour I got from others. The surprising part was I had known them for a long time but they are at a distance and the relationship was mostly just sending jokes and random comments to each other from time to time. They are still in my life and the relationship changed to the supportive kind (still w/jokes) that I thought I had built w/others. My take is that the relationship wasn't built on a dynamic where they came to see me as an unshakable pillar so it wasn't confusing or awkward for them.
Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding
#56“If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company.” — Jean-Paul Sartre
Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding
#57Definition 1 is wildly inaccurate. Even if we take it as valid, how are you going to communicate who you are to others who aren't equipped to understand? As an extreme example, consider being dropped into another nation where they speak a language you have no knowledge of. Without shared language and culture, you can't hope to be understood. Doesn't mean you can't be surrounded by helpful, caring people (friends?), t…
Consider being dropped into another nation where they speak a language you have no knowledge of. Without shared language and culture, you can't hope to be understood. Doesn't mean you can't be surrounded by helpful, caring people (friends?), though, which is why this argument is completely flawed Upon considering the scenario you described, my first thoughts were on how lonely an experience that would be. Also, helpf…
Upon considering the scenario you described, my first thoughts were on how lonely an experience that would be.
That's the point. You can't be understood to a gratifying degree by people who don't share your culture, and simple words aren't going to fix the disconnect.
helpful and caring people that don't understand what's wrong can't provide very effective support.
If you saw someone from another country looking starved and miserable, you couldn't buy them food and direct them to shelter?
Loneliness means anything from not having enough people to chat with today to not having a soulmate who understands and affirms your every view.
Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding
#58Earlier today I sent my SO a long string of text messages about a problem that I was having, including one of them that said "I feel like garbage." I was feeling really down. They didn't respond to any of the text messages; when they got home, I asked them about it, and it seemed like they just sort of skimmed them and they didn't notice that one in particular. I didn't mention it; I just let it go. Do I "not underst…
"As a man, I have lots of people in my life who love me, but they consistently fail to take notice of my emotional needs." Although every man's circles are different, your experience is highly common. I'm going to intentionally dramatize a little to get the point across efficiently. Men effectively live in an emotional desert. Showing emotion, vulnerability or dependency is discouraged, dismissed or even ridiculed. M…
Thank you for sharing. It is definitely underappreciated how the patriarchy simultaneously oppresses and privileges men. I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences with online dog-piling, but I'll note that understanding intersectional feminism has been important for my own personal understanding of my gender and the ways it negatively impacts my life (or positively for that matter). I think dog-piling is universal and a product of unhealthy discourse and the way online spaces erases nuance.
Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding
#59> the lack of understanding you by other people is caused by the lack of skills to explain yourself to others
This is the point where the argument went off, I believe. People only listen to what they want to listen, and generally they care less, or won’t bother to care at all, if the topic is not somehow related with themselves.
So no, the lack of understanding you by other people is usually not caused by the lack of skills to explain yourself, but more often caused by human nature.
Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding
#60Earlier today I sent my SO a long string of text messages about a problem that I was having, including one of them that said "I feel like garbage." I was feeling really down. They didn't respond to any of the text messages; when they got home, I asked them about it, and it seemed like they just sort of skimmed them and they didn't notice that one in particular. I didn't mention it; I just let it go. Do I "not underst…
"As a man, I have lots of people in my life who love me, but they consistently fail to take notice of my emotional needs." Although every man's circles are different, your experience is highly common. I'm going to intentionally dramatize a little to get the point across efficiently. Men effectively live in an emotional desert. Showing emotion, vulnerability or dependency is discouraged, dismissed or even ridiculed. M…
you lost me at the cabal of radical feminists