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Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding

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Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding

#31

Post by dgb23 »

revskill wrote: post #14
standardUser wrote: post #13

I really like the thrust of this argument (loneliness is about not being understood) but I think the solution is off the mark... > So it’s your task to make others understand you There is another task that is just as important. You need to find people who are capable of understanding you . It may sound like a cart/horse issue where you need to understand enough about yourself to find people who are receptive. That my…

In my case, humor is effective way to know if others understand u or not. You make humor (that you find it's a humor), but not all others understand it a humor.

That's a big one. I think humor can often be a tool to share pain and relief. A group with a stronger connection can stomach and seek out more chaotic and darker humor as well as deeper sarcasm, because there is a common understanding, comfort, trust and shared pain.

Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding

#32

Post by 000d »

I like the definition that loneliness is not having the social interactions you want, because you are rejected. Not being understood can lead to rejection, but I don’t think it works for many types of rejection such as bullying, racism, phubbing etc.

Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding

#33

Post by oneoff786 »

xyzwave wrote: post #27

"Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You seem to have misunderstood Emerson’s usage of the word understood here. No particular irony intended.

Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding

#34

Post by throwaway11823 »

Fauntleroy wrote: post #29
throwaway11823 wrote: post #26

Earlier today I sent my SO a long string of text messages about a problem that I was having, including one of them that said "I feel like garbage." I was feeling really down. They didn't respond to any of the text messages; when they got home, I asked them about it, and it seemed like they just sort of skimmed them and they didn't notice that one in particular. I didn't mention it; I just let it go. Do I "not underst…

You might need to surround yourself with more compassionate people, if you truly feel that no one is willing to consider your emotional wants and needs.

They are lovely and compassionate people, they're simply unable to extend that to me, partly because they're blinded by societal expectations of men (they often don't really see me as an emotional creature), partly because they lean on me for support, and so the idea that I might not be an unshakable pillar is terrifying for them. When I go to them for support, it's not that they don't want to provide it, it's that they fail to.

I'm sure that somewhere out there is a person (or hundreds or thousands of people) who would be a perfect friend to me, but I doubt I'll ever meet them. It's pretty difficult to make friends as an adult, and every friendship I have made as an adult has been fleeting and fairly shallow.

It's bearable. Therapists exist for a reason.

Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding

#35

Post by Extropy_ »

snozolli wrote: post #28

Definition 1 is wildly inaccurate. Even if we take it as valid, how are you going to communicate who you are to others who aren't equipped to understand? As an extreme example, consider being dropped into another nation where they speak a language you have no knowledge of. Without shared language and culture, you can't hope to be understood. Doesn't mean you can't be surrounded by helpful, caring people (friends?), t…

  Consider being dropped into another nation where they speak a language you have no knowledge of. Without shared language and culture, you can't hope to be understood.

  Doesn't mean you can't be surrounded by helpful, caring people (friends?), though, which is why this argument is completely flawed
Upon considering the scenario you described, my first thoughts were on how lonely an experience that would be. Also, helpful and caring people that don't understand what's wrong can't provide very effective support.

Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding

#37

Post by eyelidlessness »

rjzzleep wrote: post #23
standardUser wrote: post #13

I really like the thrust of this argument (loneliness is about not being understood) but I think the solution is off the mark... > So it’s your task to make others understand you There is another task that is just as important. You need to find people who are capable of understanding you . It may sound like a cart/horse issue where you need to understand enough about yourself to find people who are receptive. That my…

Is sexuality the only conflicting thing we can think of nowadays? I can think of at least 10 things people might freak out about me, without even getting to thinking about what sexuality I may have. In general I agree with the premise of "You need to find people who are capable of understanding you". It's actually a combination of that and your feeling about yourself. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I'll just ca…

OP chose it as example. It’s one I can relate to as a person who realized my queerness late in life, and still selectively “out”. My reaction was similar to OP’s, but the example I thought of was finding out I’m autistic. I understand myself a great deal better knowing that, but it hasn’t exactly made people more willing to get to know the me I can better explain.

There are tons of examples OP could have chosen, this was just one that they did. It’s not the only example, but not everything needs to be exhaustive to be valuable for thought and discussion.

Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding

#38

Post by david38 »

PartiallyTyped wrote: post #22
standardUser wrote: post #13

I really like the thrust of this argument (loneliness is about not being understood) but I think the solution is off the mark... > So it’s your task to make others understand you There is another task that is just as important. You need to find people who are capable of understanding you . It may sound like a cart/horse issue where you need to understand enough about yourself to find people who are receptive. That my…

I'd add that nothing with sufficient complexity can be adequately described in a simple words, let alone explained in a concise yet simple manner. You may go up in abstraction to make it concise, but this risks either oversimplifying to the point that all nuance is lost and you feel alone, or requiring that the other person shares sufficiently overlapping definitions. They may probe further to build said abstractions…

Richard Feynman did a pretty good job

Re: Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding

#40

Post by _8j50 »

Wildly inaccurate. Simply having a person exist across a room alleviates loneliness. "wilson" from "Castaway" comes to mind.

Loneliness is when you desire company but are not able to find one. What the author is trying to describe is lack of intimacy which is what people normally desire after having company. It's weird how some people can't even conceive not being able to have an opportunity for others to get to know you to begin with.

It's like a rich person thinking being broke means you have only one house.

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