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Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

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Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#51

Post by boredemployee »

BigHatLogan wrote: post #23
spaceman_2020 wrote: post #17

Whenever I have a family vacation, I can’t help but think how unnatural our present lives are. For thousands of years, we essentially just lived with and around family. Yet now I get to see my entire family for a few days every year. Some cousins I haven’t met in years. The people I spend the most time with everyday are also the people I care the least for - colleagues and acquaintances. I don’t have a solution. But…

Well said. I'm not sure which method is "better" (maybe a society's overall productivity increases if children leave the home, but I don't know if this is "good" for the individual or not), but this does seem unnatural. However, I didn't feel this way during high school. I spent eight hours there during school itself, and then two or three hours afterwards playing sports with my friends. My memory is a little hazy, b…

in my case, i'm the youngest of the family (and mid 30's) and lost many many many relatives already. i'm aware that people will die one day and so I try to enjoy my family while they still alive

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#52

Post by kaushikc »

We have essentially replaced being with each other in many different ways. People used to play music to us, now we listen to it digitally, we used to laugh, cry, get scared by the stories people told us, now we watch tv shows & social media. Not saying that's bad but we have replaced the need for each other. We have become more atomised and alienated to each other. Much of chemicals in our body (perhaps that helped us bond)are fired for content consumed from digital devices.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#53

Post by ChriLa »

kaushikc wrote: post #52

We have essentially replaced being with each other in many different ways. People used to play music to us, now we listen to it digitally, we used to laugh, cry, get scared by the stories people told us, now we watch tv shows & social media. Not saying that's bad but we have replaced the need for each other. We have become more atomised and alienated to each other. Much of chemicals in our body (perhaps that helped u…

True. But also means being alone doesn't feel as it did "back in the day"™. Guess radio's been the first media to give us that.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#54

Post by sylens »

One thing I have noticed now, and I'm not sure if its a function of myself and my family being older, is that we feel much less compelled to get together for holidays and other events even though the travel time has remained mostly the same. When I was younger, my family would make it a habit of getting together at least on Christmas and Easter and usually also the 4th of July for a big party. Not everybody lived super close but most were within a 45-60 minute drive.

Now, not only is that drive seen as a barrier, but nobody actually wants to host these events and deal with the preparation, the hosting duties, and the cleanup that comes afterwards. I realize that as people get older they don't have the time/energy for these types of activities as much, but I also feel like people were more amenable to these types of gatherings back before social media and smartphones in every pocket happened. There was just less going on and less demand of your time, so a big family party was something that could knock out a big chunk of the day and you would look forward to it.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#55

Post by e3bc54b2 »

sylens wrote: post #54

One thing I have noticed now, and I'm not sure if its a function of myself and my family being older, is that we feel much less compelled to get together for holidays and other events even though the travel time has remained mostly the same. When I was younger, my family would make it a habit of getting together at least on Christmas and Easter and usually also the 4th of July for a big party. Not everybody lived sup…

I've come to see this as symptom of increased prosperity.

When money was tight, people were what provided comfort. Everyone got together to prepare and celebrate. Now that families can afford to pay someone else to do it, we are basically left with a lunch/dinner and some time talking, which doesn't feel far off from old school aristocratic galas. There is little emotional investment beyond 'maintaining the network' and the same 1 hr drives start looking like barriers.

I always preferred small (3-8) groups for company so the phenomenon has hit me slightly less severely, as it is easier to get small group together and emotionally involved, but bigger family gatherings are definitively getting rarer.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#56

Post by JKCalhoun »

boredemployee wrote: post #51
BigHatLogan wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well said. I'm not sure which method is "better" (maybe a society's overall productivity increases if children leave the home, but I don't know if this is "good" for the individual or not), but this does seem unnatural. However, I didn't feel this way during high school. I spent eight hours there during school itself, and then two or three hours afterwards playing sports with my friends. My memory is a little hazy, b…

in my case, i'm the youngest of the family (and mid 30's) and lost many many many relatives already. i'm aware that people will die one day and so I try to enjoy my family while they still alive

Dipping a toe into genealogy will do that as well.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#57

Post by JKCalhoun »

silisili wrote: post #13

As a parent to a seemingly quickly aging child that I wish I could freeze in time forever, the green line makes me rather sad :(.

It is sad. I watched all three of my little girls grow up and head out into the world.

"In Metal" by Low plays is playing in my head now....

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#58

Post by JKCalhoun »

renewiltord wrote: post #3

The real wisdom of this graph is that for people who aren't friends with their coworkers, they are spending 4x as much time with not friends as friends. For people who are friends with their coworkers they're just cheating on that play, boosting their friend time.

Something I told the younger engineers in my last so-many years before I retired: "It's not the project you're working on, it's your co-workers. If you find a team where you're happy, where the manager is cool, stay there."

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#59

Post by xkgt »

sylens wrote: post #54

One thing I have noticed now, and I'm not sure if its a function of myself and my family being older, is that we feel much less compelled to get together for holidays and other events even though the travel time has remained mostly the same. When I was younger, my family would make it a habit of getting together at least on Christmas and Easter and usually also the 4th of July for a big party. Not everybody lived sup…

I came across an interesting take on this in the book Algorithms to live by [1]. They argue that old age is a time of exploitation (as in explore/exploit strategy) where we tend to prioritize relations/experiences that we know to be rewarding. At a younger age, we are more accommodating to explore new experiences. That is why a teenager entering a dorm in a new environment full of strangers can get excited while for old people entering a retirement home it can be a harrowing experience.

1 - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1627790365

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#60

Post by williamtrask »

xkgt wrote: post #59
sylens wrote: post #54

One thing I have noticed now, and I'm not sure if its a function of myself and my family being older, is that we feel much less compelled to get together for holidays and other events even though the travel time has remained mostly the same. When I was younger, my family would make it a habit of getting together at least on Christmas and Easter and usually also the 4th of July for a big party. Not everybody lived sup…

I came across an interesting take on this in the book Algorithms to live by [1]. They argue that old age is a time of exploitation (as in explore/exploit strategy) where we tend to prioritize relations/experiences that we know to be rewarding. At a younger age, we are more accommodating to explore new experiences. That is why a teenager entering a dorm in a new environment full of strangers can get excited while for…

I think there are maybe other reasons to believe a retirement home may be less fun than a dorm.
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