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Forces that fuel friendship

theatlantic.com

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Re: Forces that fuel friendship

#51

Post by javajosh »

fartcannon wrote: post #44
cehrlich wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed, "normies" is a fine shorthand for "people who are not concerned with the niche thing we're currently talking about", but seeing people who think of it as an actual category that they judge people by is a dangerous mental model that a lot of people on here seem to fall victim to.

We are amall group primates, it's our nature. Us vs Them. In and Out groups. Everyone is a victim of it.

Maybe your narrow-minded group believes in in- and out-groups, but not mine!

Re: Forces that fuel friendship

#52

Post by throw0101a »

yosito wrote: post #32

I clicked expecting to see some science-based research about what results in good friendships. Instead I found an opinion based listicle. Not necessarily a bad article for provoking thought, but definitely more opinion than fact. I recently went to cross cultural a meetup where friendship was the topic of discussion. One thing I realized is that people struggle to agree on a definition of friendship. There's an espec…

> I clicked expecting to see some science-based research about what results in good friendships.

This article is one in a series. See perhaps "The Friendship Researchers Who Are Also Friends":

> This week she talks with two friends who also happen to study friendship. They met at a conference back when very few relationship scholars were focusing on the topic, and became both friends and professional collaborators. They talk about what they’ve learned from their research and how they’ve applied those lessons in their own friendship.

* https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/04/how-frien...

The series has been going on for a number of years:

* https://www.theatlantic.com/projects/friendship-files/

Re: Forces that fuel friendship

#53

Post by arolihas »

pure_simplicity wrote: post #26
arolihas wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's a very cynical perspective that seems to encourage self isolation and an emotionally barren life. Not sure if that's wise.

I think the OP meant that friend support you in overcoming your limitations. They support you where you are weak, not they perpetuate and grow your weaknesses.

I hope so, the way it's worded implies the opposite.

Re: Forces that fuel friendship

#54

Post by alexpotato »

Gustek wrote: post #46

I think there are only 2 questions you need to answer to decide if someone is your friend. 1. Do you trust them? 2. Do you care about them? Ideally it should reciprocated. The hard part is getting there, usually it comes naturally as you spend more time with the other person out of your own volition. Just because you are meeting someone everyday at work does not mean they will become your friends, do you trust them?…

Lou Holtz [0] used to use these questions and one more as the three questions you ask leaders in general.

The other one was "Are you committed to excellence?" which he sometimes described as "Do you have high standards and do you strive to live up to them?"

I always liked his ending statement whenever he talked about this:

"Think of someone you respect. Now think of those questions. Odds are the answer to all three is 'yes'. Now think of someone you are having problems with and, again, think of the three questions. I would bet the answer to at least one of them is 'no'".

0 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lou_Holtz

Re: Forces that fuel friendship

#55

Post by mbg721 »

Gustek wrote: post #46

I think there are only 2 questions you need to answer to decide if someone is your friend. 1. Do you trust them? 2. Do you care about them? Ideally it should reciprocated. The hard part is getting there, usually it comes naturally as you spend more time with the other person out of your own volition. Just because you are meeting someone everyday at work does not mean they will become your friends, do you trust them?…

If those were the only criteria, making friends would be easy. People have more built-in tribalism at the very least; the article reads like a '50s science fiction novel about robots making friends.

Re: Forces that fuel friendship

#56

Post by wruza »

A new friend could be waiting in the comments section of an article you’re reading, on the other side of a Google Doc, or in an elevator

I loved talking to strangers in a slow-operating 20-story elevator. Surprisingly, they are good and friendly listeners. You don’t want to spend five minutes with someone you rejected, do you? My current home doesn’t have an elevator, but I hope the next one will.

Re: Forces that fuel friendship

#57

Post by dmonitor »

swayvil wrote: post #45
multiplegeorges wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, it is. Someone can self-identify as a gender (among other things), alter their appearance to present as such, and a kind and empathetic society will (should) then regard them as such.

It sounds to me like 2 different uses of "identity". One for distinguishing an individual. The other for asserting a narrative. That's 2 quite different uses.

When you introduce yourself, you likely give a name. This was probably a name given to you, but really it could be anything you want. People call you that name out of courtesy. You "identity" is heavily influenced by how you want to be identified

Like your username. We call you by it because it is the name you chose and present to us

Re: Forces that fuel friendship

#58

Post by starkd »

mbg721 wrote: post #55
Gustek wrote: post #46

I think there are only 2 questions you need to answer to decide if someone is your friend. 1. Do you trust them? 2. Do you care about them? Ideally it should reciprocated. The hard part is getting there, usually it comes naturally as you spend more time with the other person out of your own volition. Just because you are meeting someone everyday at work does not mean they will become your friends, do you trust them?…

If those were the only criteria, making friends would be easy. People have more built-in tribalism at the very least; the article reads like a '50s science fiction novel about robots making friends.

I trust you are being genuine when you say that, but what an odd comment. The article seemed like a very profound an interesting commentary on what friendship means. I fail to see any kind of science fiction in it. The article even seems to suggest friendship can cross tribal boundaries, but it takes work.

Re: Forces that fuel friendship

#59

Post by ironmagma »

fartcannon wrote: post #44
cehrlich wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed, "normies" is a fine shorthand for "people who are not concerned with the niche thing we're currently talking about", but seeing people who think of it as an actual category that they judge people by is a dangerous mental model that a lot of people on here seem to fall victim to.

We are amall group primates, it's our nature. Us vs Them. In and Out groups. Everyone is a victim of it.

It's also our nature to beat each other up on occasion. That doesn't mean we have to be victim of it.

Re: Forces that fuel friendship

#60

Post by starkd »

yosito wrote: post #32

I clicked expecting to see some science-based research about what results in good friendships. Instead I found an opinion based listicle. Not necessarily a bad article for provoking thought, but definitely more opinion than fact. I recently went to cross cultural a meetup where friendship was the topic of discussion. One thing I realized is that people struggle to agree on a definition of friendship. There's an espec…

I thought kind of the point of the article is that there is no hard and fast formula to it. Not something that can be distilled in a series of steps. It also requires spontaneity.
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