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I am lonely will anyone speak to me

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Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#51

Post by DoreenMichele »

b0rsuk wrote: post #47
DoreenMichele wrote: post #37

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are despe…

ad. 3: it's an ugly truth, but it makes sense. People often want friends which can provide something for them, even if it's pleasant company. What can a desperate person provide? What can a desperate friend do other kind of friend can't? ad. 6: then I guess I'm really bad at making friends period. It has never worked for me.

You and I may be defining the word friend differently. It's a really broad term that means different things to different people.

I just mean a platonic, symbiotic relationship. You give something, you get something.

That can absolutely happen online.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#52

Post by throwawayafgxpm »

tonymet wrote: post #7
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

Does this number actually help? It’s shared kind of automatically but I find it trivializes suicide

'Golden Phone' by Micachu & The Shapes.

The Golden Phone is the yellow-painted suicide hotline phone found on bridges.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TRkZpFgJcI

(it's upbeat)

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#53

Post by _yfk6 »

> Some people rely heavily on technology and end up treating it as an electronic friend, a sounding board—just writing it down can make you feel better...

Ha! I too have a something like paranoid disease, and writing it down made me realize how crazy my speculation. [link redacted]

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#54

Post by karlzt »

donretag wrote: post #30
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

"there is a light at the end of this fucking tunnel and we will get through it." As someone that was lonely before COVID, there is no light at the end. Makind friends when over 30 is incredibly difficult. Being an big extrovert in isolation is tough. I want to work in an office, but I probably never will again in our industry.

You should probably rethink what your industry is :).

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#55

Post by SMAAART »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #37

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are despe…

Your points 1, 3 and 4 are spot on.

I wish more people saw the world under these lenses.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#56

Post by glouwbug »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #49
colmvp wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive. I met up with a close friend a few days ago to lament how tough its been to live alone throughout this Covid period, to get rejected by dozens of companies while job hunting, and to do o…

Yeah. When it goes like that my internal reaction is typically "Good riddance. Don't let the screen door hit you on your way out. Thank god I don't have to listen to one more minute of your whiny shit ever again because we are so done."

People don't like complainers. Plain matter of fact is your significant other sees you as the rock in the relationship, which is likely why the relationship works, and by complaining the foundation their attraction was built on was shaken.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#57

Post by hoka-one-one »

colmvp wrote: post #44
DoreenMichele wrote: post #37

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are despe…

> 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive. I met up with a close friend a few days ago to lament how tough its been to live alone throughout this Covid period, to get rejected by dozens of companies while job hunting, and to do o…

Heads up, most (not all) women really hate seeing men complain or cry. I think most men who have been around women a lot understand this. It's just the way things are, it's not out of malice. If you're a man and you want to sulk with someone, another man or a therapist is best.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#58

Post by riku_iki »

spondyl wrote: post #25
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

In a similar but less urgent vein, if you're having a quiet holiday much like myself but could do with a(n asynchronous) chat, feel free to send anything through to the email listed on my profile. Likewise, I'm sure other HNers may like to announce as such but just need a little nudge :) --- I'm sure plenty of bios have contact invitations but us humans are pretty bad at the idea of cold calling strangers I sort of w…

Someone should create hacker news discord server..

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#59

Post by DoreenMichele »

glouwbug wrote: post #56
DoreenMichele wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah. When it goes like that my internal reaction is typically "Good riddance. Don't let the screen door hit you on your way out. Thank god I don't have to listen to one more minute of your whiny shit ever again because we are so done."

People don't like complainers. Plain matter of fact is your significant other sees you as the rock in the relationship, which is likely why the relationship works, and by complaining the foundation their attraction was built on was shaken.

I was actually thinking of the year when I was bedridden for several months and my life hung in the balance for the entire year and a female friend -- my best friend when I was a military wife stationed in Germany -- managed to get hold of me after not hearing from me for several months while I fought for my life and she went on for 45 minutes about her really minor whiny shit without so much as asking me how I was and I finally interrupted her and said something about how I didn't have the energy for this because I was fighting for my life.

That was the end of that phone call and I never heard from her again.

Good. Riddance. I absolutely didn't need another thing leeching away my limited energy that year.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#60

Post by gabereiser »

colmvp wrote: post #44
DoreenMichele wrote: post #37

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are despe…

> 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive. I met up with a close friend a few days ago to lament how tough its been to live alone throughout this Covid period, to get rejected by dozens of companies while job hunting, and to do o…

This is how you separate fake friends from real ones. Sorry it's been so shitty.
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