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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#51

Post by bitcoinmoney »

toomuchtodo wrote: post #22
40acres wrote: post #18

Everyone around us is fighting their own little war. I've felt similarly to the writer -- I moved out of my childhood home the day after graduating college and started work that Monday. I only moved 215 miles (NYC to Boston), but it felt a world away, especially considering most Americans live relatively close to where they grew up and 215 miles in Europe goes a long way. I've made and abandoned friends at almost eve…

I'm happy to be your best man when the time comes. Email in my profile.

Me too. But I don’t know how to give funny speeches in the wedding. This resonates with me because I moved from Philippines to USA to pursue my graduate degree. Friends get lost along the way and it’s a big effort to reconnect due to time zone issues. Now married to my wife ( gf of 10 years) and have kids. It’s a difficult but fruitful journey.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#52

Post by ben_jones »

hartator wrote: post #47

I don’t think the message “35-year old is still very young” is useful. Life is really hard and is contant suffering. You might die at 95 year-old, but you might die tomorrow. Taking responsibilities instead of blaming the world is often the only way to go.

I think taking responsibility is important but it is also easy to take too much responsibility, be it at work, in the personal lives and choices of others, or in you own success - ultimately leading to anxiety and depression.

A concrete example that I think will echo here is the impostor syndrome many engineers face. We know it is technically possible to sit down and grind huge amounts of value in software in a relatively short period, and we believe it so strongly that we feel crushed if we don't do it each and every day.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#53

Post by PavlovsCat »

keiferski wrote: post #17

I’ve always thought life is a balancing act of “building” and “experiencing.” Building relationships, communities, homes, organizations, education (your self) and experiencing other countries, different jobs, lifestyles, foods, etc. Western culture as a whole has gone a little too far in the “experience” direction. You can see this in little ways, like the fact that Legos are sold as pre-planned structures and not ge…

> We really need a revitalization of a “creator” culture to combat the present consumer one.

Yes! I agree so much. As Hannah Arendt wrote in "The Human Condition":

> The ideals of homo faber, the fabricator of the world, which are permanence, stability, and durability, have been sacrificed to abundance, the ideal of the animal laborans.

If we changed to that, we can change from that.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#54

Post by throwanem »

simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

Conceding your every point for the sake of argument: what use is any of that to 'Haunted' right now? It's hardly going to come as a surprise that adult life involves tradeoffs; she's speaking from a place where she has belatedly recognized that fact, and feels as if she's made every one of them wrongly. If the purpose is to help 'Haunted' - or those reading along who find 'Haunted' painfully relatable - make more of the years ahead of her than she has of those behind, where do you see this sort of thing making success in that purpose more likely?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#55

Post by SCAQTony »

throwanem wrote: post #54
simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

Conceding your every point for the sake of argument: what use is any of that to 'Haunted' right now? It's hardly going to come as a surprise that adult life involves tradeoffs; she's speaking from a place where she has belatedly recognized that fact, and feels as if she's made every one of them wrongly. If the purpose is to help 'Haunted' - or those reading along who find 'Haunted' painfully relatable - make more of…

"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does." — Jean Paul Sartre, (French existentialist)

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#56

Post by warent »

simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

"The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well."

Maybe it depends on the mindset and intent. After all, what is truly permanent in this life?

If you approach traveling as a practice of impermanence and presence, then it can be a very broadening, empowering experience. Traveling can be an excellent lesson on the transient nature of life. Any one of us can lose everything in a moment without warning, no matter how well established or solid your home is.

So from that perspective there actually is no trade-off because it's all the same.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#57

Post by phyller »

simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

Agreed, sounds like the advice is to put your fingers in your ears, and sing as loudly as you can to drown out the doubts and questions, instead of solving them. Saying that no, the life path you are on is great, stop doubting yourself, keep doing it. If you refuse to acknowledge you've made any mistakes you don't have to deal with reality.

Some things take time and sacrifice to build. Family, friends, community. Most of us really need these things, but there is an opportunity cost to pay to get them. Sometimes we have all of it dumped in our lap and we take it for granted until it's gone. If you are willing to pay the price in time, effort, and emotion, you can rebuild it, but no guarantees.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#58

Post by squozzer »

Expectations. I think Haunted believed it would be easy to have it all.

>But your concept of yourself makes no sense. You got it from a rom-com.

Bingo. Everything is a trade-off. On top of that, our best-laid schemes often go wrong. Sometimes years or decades of sacrifice to a career, relationship, or family makes one worse off, not better.

I don't know if a perfect system exists for living one's life but here's a nugget or two -

1) Love is a choice, not an emotional state (learned by watching my Dad.) 2) Reassess often. 3) Don't fear changing things, including yourself. 4) Most people will die having achieved little that others would consider worthy of praise. That includes the others. 5) Having lived at all is something 99.99999999+% (by mass) of the Universe will never experience. Though maybe I'm wrong here - stars, nebulae, and galaxies may actually be alive for all we know.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#59

Post by MrBuddyCasino »

ohiovr wrote: post #7

The holidays are an emotional meat grinder. Its the hap hap happiest time of the year alright. This time of year is the lowest for most people but it is demanded of us to hide our desperation. Unfortunately it also distorts are situation. The situation really is better than we think it is. A lot of us get irrational this time of year. It will be better in the spring when the holiday hysteria is long gone.

There are more suicides in spring than during holidays. Spring wants you to be happy, the contrast is too harsh. Winter depression is normal.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#60

Post by jl6 »

I think the actionable part of the advice is the idea of externalizing an emotion and treating it as an object to hold up and examine. Something that is outside of yourself and subject to analysis. To treat a feeling as being something you have, not something you are.

This is a skill and it takes conscious effort to acquire it.

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