> maybe I attach too much importance on not being mistaken for an asshole
No, that's not your problem. (Though it's actually much more important to not actually be an asshole than to not be mistaken for one. People will make mistaken assessments of you throughout your life. If you let that bother you, you will never get anything done.)
Your problem is that you don't seem to understand what makes HN a cool place to hang out: there are really smart, successful people here who will give you incredibly high quality insights and answers to questions that you won't find anywhere else, and they'll do it for free. But the flip side of the bargain is that you not waste these people's time by asking stupid questions, i.e. questions whose answers are plainly stated in the linked article, or can be easily found with a simple Google search or on Wikipedia. If too many people break that rule, the cool kids will go away because they have better things to do with their time than read a site full of stupid questions. So if you ask a stupid question you will sometimes be called on the carpet for it, and sometimes the person calling you out will do it inartfully. There are a lot of aspies here.
But it is very important to understand that on HN the stupid question is the greater sin because those are what will drive the cool kids away more than the inartful calling out. (One of the things that makes the cool kids cool is that they actually appreciate it when someone calls them out because they learn something when that happens.) You can argue that lucb1e's question was not stupid, and if you win that argument, you can expect me to apologize. But if you focus on my use of the phrase "stupid dweeb" while tacitly conceding that lucb1e did ask a stupid question then you are missing the point: the stupid question does a lot more harm than the inartful calling-out, so we let the latter slide more than the former.