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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#491

Post by hax0ron3 »

jjav wrote: post #307
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

> I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it. Which country are you in? I'm from a latin country and the norm is that you end up chatting about life the universe and everything with any random people you share a space with for more than one minute. But in the USA that doesn't really fly. Talking is transactional, either a business deal is going on or shut up. I've been in the USA fo…

For what it's worth, this has not been my experience with Americans. There are certainly things that I don't like about the average American, but I find him to be pretty gregarious.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#492

Post by temp8830 »

dml2135 wrote: post #392
bsenftner wrote: post #350

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of seemingly casual interactions in the US turn out to be someone trying to sell something. When that happens a 3rd time, you start to ignore random chatter from someone that seems too friendly. The salesperson tactics abuse common social conversation rules, and one ends up feeling like they are being forced to be mean and rude to an idiot. So, to avoid that, we push away chatty strangers in the United States.

I would not say that this happens "a lot". This is the sort of thing that one tells themselves to justify their own introversion.

Does "almost 100% of the time" count as a lot? So far almost all chatty strangers I met have been either crazy or Amway cultists.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#493

Post by temp8830 »

KronisLV wrote: post #413
miroljub wrote: post #320

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But why? If I don't enjoy talking to anyone and everyone, why should I be doing it? What's wrong with focusing on people who matter to me? It's not like I don't give people a chance, but I'm pretty quick in identifying and cutting off people who are draining my energy, even if they are otherwise quite nice and enjoyable company for others.

> If I don't enjoy talking to anyone and everyone, why should I be doing it? There's probably something to be said about this world being largely built for extroverts and needing to be able to be at least somewhat like that to succeed. Sometimes good opportunities are just a matter of showing up and being sociable, and being good at it. If you're gonna have to do it, might as well get better at it and get at least so…

Or us introverts just slowly die out simply by being absent from the gene pool. However, judging by the article - we seem to be winning. Somehow.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#494

Post by StrugglingDev »

caditinpiscinam wrote: post #219
cal_dent wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you're wrong personally. I'm very far away from being "an older British lady" and agree a lot with the article. Honestly, in the least combative & confrontational possible, your thoughts there are just an excuse to not reach out and engage with the rest of your world. It's a little sad (not you, the situation itself) because if more people had that same thought, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy with no o…

I agree that it's a sad state of affairs, and a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe I can explain my perspective in a little more detail. In my typical day at work (teacher), I spend hours talking with dozens of people. A large part of why I chose this work was to escape the isolation that I felt previously when I was doing remote software work. I attend weekly religious services and make an effort to stay for the social…

I completely agree with you here, you are being considerate and aware. There are times and places where things are more appropriate and although I do think we can all benefit in lowering our guard and being more brave in having conversations with others. I disagree with the other poster about how every good socially successful person has creeped someone out, I think this is always something we should be considerate about and not just take it as a fact. Conversations involve two people, and we should always be considerate of the other instead of using it transactionally to further our own growth at their expense. I also really dislike the shared source of where their idealogy comes from (alpha male.. yuck). I think you are participating in your community and talking to many people, if you find that you'd like to lower your guard and talk to strangers, I have a strong feeling that what is intuitive to you would be the right thing to do

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#495

Post by KolmogorovComp »

I've been subconsciously doing this forever and after hundreds if no thousands of interaction have lately been assessing its outcome as more neutral than the article frames it. On the long run while mildly pleasant, you realise how shallow these conversations are and they have not brought anything valuable to your life. Maybe stopping for a while would lead to further realisation but I don't think so.

The most positive effect it has had on me is to make me enjoy even more deep conversations with my friends.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#498

Post by xigoi »

notepad0x90 wrote: post #424
wussboy wrote: post #383

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree. 95% of violence is committed by men aged 15-25. If you wanted to be extra sure, just avoid that very specific group. But in general, minute by minute, nobody wants to be violent.

But then I'd be prejudiced. Stereotypes exist because they have a certain good degree of accuracy, but that doesn't make them right. For the sake of that one person in that group that didn't do anything wrong, I have to try and be fair to the whole group.

The funny thing is that if they recommended guessing based on race, rather than gender and age, the comment would be downvoted to hell.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#499

Post by doublerabbit »

jadtz wrote: post #308
abcde666777 wrote: post #141

I went through a phase where I forced myself to socialise a lot to overcome social awkwardness and anxiety. Was well worth it, both in terms of leveling up my social skills but also in terms of eventually becoming very comfortable with myself. The main ingredient, at least for me, was being determined enough to push through the discomfort. A lot of the early interactions were awkward, sometimes overtly uncomfortable,…

I am still at the awkward early interaction stage. How do you know what to say?, usually I can start the conversation but I don’t know where to take it after. How are you able to shift to the next stage when you have both agreed that the weather today is nice. How do you get over the feeling that you are wasting their time? Finally, how do you end the conversation when you're still going in the same direction or wait…

Myself, I tend to ask with open question, a good ice breaker is: "Hey mate, hows your day going on a scale of 1-10?"

That gives them a chance to take a break and think. If they say three, you put yourself in their shoes. "Hey, that sucks. what's going on?" just lending a warm comforting subtle "I'm around right now if you want to talk"

If they give you a higher number, inquire why. "Wow, a 7? That's great. How come?" Both results in giving them option to speak. You compliment in both situations, a win win. If they return with a single closing statement acknowledge it and move on, "all the best".

If you need to end, a simple of "hey, it was great talking. I've got my coffee it was a pleasure talking to you while I waited, I've got to take off but it was a pleasure to talk".

You cater it to the situation you're in. If they want to talk then they will, if they don't then they won't.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#500

Post by apelapan »

brabel wrote: post #478
pousada wrote: post #472

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s funny, my experience is the exact opposite. Having grown up in Germany i was surprised how many people in the US would strike up a conversation randomly in the street with me - I thought it’s a normal thing and never really experienced it in Germany - there I would always be suspicious that people try to scam me or get money or something. I do agree with GP that in Latin America it’s super common and normal to c…

I live in a Nordic country. The rule here is to avoid social contact at any cost. People waiting for a bus must stand at least 2 meters away from each other. Otherwise you might be close enough for someone less equipped in the local etiquette to mistake you for someone that may engage in small talk. When sitting , never sit directly next to someone else. Stand if that’s not possible and try to observe the 2 meter rul…

I'm on my fifth decade living in the nordics. Strangers have conversations at bus stops and neighbours socialize by the garbage bins and across the hedges all the time.

Not as much as in some other places in the world, but it is not at all rare.

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