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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#471

Post by petercooper »

toomim wrote: post #437
b40d-48b2-979e wrote: post #370

Earlier quoted context omitted.

we push away chatty strangers in the United States Where? I've lived on the coasts, I live in the Midwest, that has not been my experience aside from anti-social persons.

It depends strongly on the city, and became more pronounced since covid. Seattle is the worst. They call it the "seattle freeze." The San Francisco Bay Area became almost as bad in covid. The south is still friendly. Austin is incredibly friendly with strangers. Miami has strong stranger vibe. NYC is still alive, too.

It may also depend on where you're from. I'm British, have travelled around the US, and never had problem engaging in chit chat with all sorts of people, big cities or not. But there's a strong disarming undercurrent of "oh wow, you're from England" through the whole experience that I expect most Americans never experience, at least within their own country.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#472

Post by pousada »

bsenftner wrote: post #350
jjav wrote: post #307

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it. Which country are you in? I'm from a latin country and the norm is that you end up chatting about life the universe and everything with any random people you share a space with for more than one minute. But in the USA that doesn't really fly. Talking is transactional, either a business deal is going on or shut up. I've been in the USA fo…

A lot of seemingly casual interactions in the US turn out to be someone trying to sell something. When that happens a 3rd time, you start to ignore random chatter from someone that seems too friendly. The salesperson tactics abuse common social conversation rules, and one ends up feeling like they are being forced to be mean and rude to an idiot. So, to avoid that, we push away chatty strangers in the United States.

It’s funny, my experience is the exact opposite.

Having grown up in Germany i was surprised how many people in the US would strike up a conversation randomly in the street with me - I thought it’s a normal thing and never really experienced it in Germany - there I would always be suspicious that people try to scam me or get money or something.

I do agree with GP that in Latin America it’s super common and normal to chat with everyone.

But there are many levels to this - it’s for example less common in Nordic countries at least in my experience but you can speak to people in every place on earth, it’s something universal.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#473

Post by 3acctforcom »

ericmcer wrote: post #440
inanutshellus wrote: post #384

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The "Helping You Not Become Your Parents" commercials (from some insurance company I think) make me sad. They're basically making fun of people for trying to connect. I'm in a spot where I don't really bump into strangers much but, as a recovering introvert I've tried to talk to people like this and it feels AMAZING. Like... irrational levels of amazing vibes. It's so frustrating seeing my own kids be horrified by it…

Talking to strangers is actually kind of nice as an introvert, there is very low pressure as you have no obligation to the person and you can end the conversation at any time. I find it much nicer than talking to friends of friends or the absolute worst for me... the boyfriends of my girlfriends friends. You are getting shoved together into a forced interaction that you know will be asked about in the near future.

This is why I love IT conferences. I can chat up random strangers about topics that we're clearly both interested in. The vendors also send the most extroverted folks who are skilled in engaging introverted nerds. It's a great way for introverts to level up their social skills.

And the best part is that I never talk to those folks again ;) I found out that I actually really like making fast friends, I just hate the obligation of long-term close-knit friendships.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#475

Post by keeda »

> Talking with strangers is surprisingly informative

I think this should be a key point here, for people motivated by curiosity. I don't seek out conversations with strangers, but when they happen I lean heavily into this aspect.

My pro-tip for talking to strangers is to talk about them; ask where they're from, what they do, how their job works, and so on... They are usually more than happy to carry the conversation, they feel like they're being appreciated for being interesting, and you learn so much.

As a throwaway example, I found out from someone at a bar that composing music specifically for movie trailers is a business in itself, and the creators do not even know what movie or what trailer their music will be used for. They get direction, they deliver the music, and usually only find out when the trailer is released. Isn't that interesting?

And if they ask about you, even easier, you get to feel interesting instead!

I was always very uncomfortable socializing growing up and still am, but just like with anything, it gets easier with practice. (Alcohol helps too, if that's an option!)

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#476

Post by jdthedisciple »

saaaaaam wrote: post #339
faize wrote: post #293

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I never make any small talk because I feel like I don't have anything to say or ask. How do you know what to say? How do you make the conversation flow and not end awkwardly?

A few things I do: I'll point something out, and ask a question. So if I'm in a shop I'll saying something like "I've never seen that before - is it popular?" If I'm getting a coffee if the barista says "How are you?" Rather than just saying something non-committal I'll say "I'm good thanks, it looks like you're having a busy day/quiet day - has it been like this all day?" or I'll ask a question about the beans (if i…

> if the barista says "How are you?"

Your baristas must be particularly nice ones, bc I've never been asked that by any over here.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#477

Post by spiralcoaster »

notepad0x90 wrote: post #365
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

> People are lovely. Go out and try it. I hope this is not an inappropriate question, but are you by any chance fit and/or attractive? I've heard that and being well dressed affects your experience with people a lot. For me it's a mix, the majority at least try to be decent and pleasant, no argument there. But as with many other things, the minority who aren't tend to have a much bigger impact. Honestly, I'd take jus…

What kind of violence have you experienced from striking up friendly conversations with strangers in otherwise normal circumstances? What are you talking about?

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#478

Post by brabel »

pousada wrote: post #472
bsenftner wrote: post #350

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of seemingly casual interactions in the US turn out to be someone trying to sell something. When that happens a 3rd time, you start to ignore random chatter from someone that seems too friendly. The salesperson tactics abuse common social conversation rules, and one ends up feeling like they are being forced to be mean and rude to an idiot. So, to avoid that, we push away chatty strangers in the United States.

It’s funny, my experience is the exact opposite. Having grown up in Germany i was surprised how many people in the US would strike up a conversation randomly in the street with me - I thought it’s a normal thing and never really experienced it in Germany - there I would always be suspicious that people try to scam me or get money or something. I do agree with GP that in Latin America it’s super common and normal to c…

I live in a Nordic country. The rule here is to avoid social contact at any cost. People waiting for a bus must stand at least 2 meters away from each other. Otherwise you might be close enough for someone less equipped in the local etiquette to mistake you for someone that may engage in small talk. When sitting , never sit directly next to someone else. Stand if that’s not possible and try to observe the 2 meter rule. Neighbors learn each other time routines to make sure they never have the uncomfortable experience of having to cross paths and acknowledge the others presence.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#479

Post by b40d-48b2-979e »

stackedinserter wrote: post #419
b40d-48b2-979e wrote: post #367

Earlier quoted context omitted.

says a lot about society What does it say?

That society is clearly sick and unwell.

Not sure how you get that impression because a guy who's never been on a date doesn't initiate conversation with women?

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#480

Post by voidmain0001 »

graypegg wrote: post #458
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

Probably at least once a week, you're going to see someone drop something, press the wrong button on the elevator, try to push on the pull door etc. My own stress always peeks when I'm in public and trip up on something minor like that. If you just shout "hey you need help?" you're probably not going to make them feel any better and doubly worse if you just avoid eye contact and walk around them. When that happens to…

Maybe it's age related, but if any of the scenarios you wrote happened to me, I would not be embarrassed receiving someone's assistance.
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