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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#471

Post by teppifk »

enraged_camel wrote: post #449
teppifk wrote: post #431

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is confirmation bias. I don't think the stereotypes are as generally popular as you claim. My own observational bias is the countless "learn to code", "anyone can code" promotions targeted at youth that make no mention of social limitations. Depression and anxiety are common in the general population. Social maladaptation is also common, though less so. It is unsurprisingly true that these traits are a bit overr…

>>This is confirmation bias. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But you made the original claim, therefore the burden is on you to provide supporting evidence.

> But you made the original claim, therefore the burden is on you to provide supporting evidence.

Not really. This is not some magical incantation that compels me to do anything, nor does it make what I said wrong. And tip if you want to win at online forum logic argument wankery (not with me though), perhaps appeals to "stereotypes" and "personal experience" are not the best place to start.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#472

Post by mikemountain »

Hey guys, I'd like to recommend something to everyone here. There is a book I have been reading to help manage my depression, and I think it could behoove many others as well. The book is called How to Stop Feeling So Damn Depressed (The No Bs Guide for Men) by Jonas A Horwitz. It's about 140 pages long and has given me a good outlook on handling these feelings and emotions I have.

I'd also recommend everyone to see a mental health professional, if they haven't and are struggling. There is no shame in seeking help!

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#473

Post by crescentfresh »

Waterluvian wrote: post #393

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

There's something deeper here that runs counter to the generally accepted idea that lights from screens at night disrupts the body's circadian rhythm and keeps us awake. Anecdotally I know that I can go from "can't sleep; thinking about everything I have to do tomorrow" to asleep in 10 mins opening my phone and browsing reddit - in dark mode no less, makes me feel better about doing it - and reading mindlessly. Emphasis on mindlessly.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#474

Post by jart »

hliyan wrote: post #218
satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

> I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. Oddly enough, I recently found myself saying something to this effect, in a meeting: "I'm an engineer, a professional. I like to take pride in my work. I look at doctors (or civil engineers) at my age and wonder about the level of respect they enjoy and how they approach their profession. How did we get to a point where we…

Doctors and lawyers are in a position where folks need to go to them to obtain indispensable services that only they are legally entitled to provide. As coders we're part of the working class like everyone else. Maybe with some bonus perks like free food. Everyday people aren't required to respect us, because we don't have any real power over their lives. We just show up to our jobs in a distant office and build stuff to make life better for people in general.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#475

Post by jcadam »

My previous job was absolutely terrible. Toxic office politics, a culture of overtime, micro-management hell, and of course, bad engineering. It got to the point I would arrive in the morning and sit in my car for several minutes because I just didn't want to walk into the building again. The place was a pressure cooker and I usually left angry and exhausted at the end of the (long) day.

When I came down with freaking shingles (at 38, no doubt brought on by all the stress and lack of sleep), I knew it was past time to get out.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#476

Post by leoc »

tiborsaas wrote: post #125
klenwell wrote: post #11

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

Is 0 a red flag also? :)

Automatic drug test, no doubt.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#477

Post by abathur »

mikelyons wrote: post #456
tvanantwerp wrote: post #432

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I seriously can't think of a single woman I've ever met who sounds like that. What situation are you in where that's normal?

It's not incredibly uncommon! I'm not saying it's normal or healthy, or even that this is my belief, these are just thoughts that I've had. Apologies for not disclaiming Edit: Tinder would be an example, depending on your location. Or instagram

Glad you noted this. I also came here to add that I also can't think of a single woman in my social circle (most of my friends are women) nor in my partner's that meets the earlier characterization.

It's OK to think wrong things. We all think a lot of wrong things.

It's important, because our brains are very good at rationalizing and filtering, to be skeptical of the voice that interjects those dark thoughts--to look for evidence that it's wrong rather than evidence that it's right.

Edit: addressing your edit. It's also important to reflect on how (and why) our experiential sample differs from a random sample. Apps, much like physical places, strongly filter who shows up. Just like you're statistically likely to meet different kinds of people at a library, supermarket, dog park, beach, state park, piano bar, orchestra, art gallery, or hackathon.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#478

Post by batty_alex »

shandor wrote: post #246
ropiwqefjnpoa wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes and no, being able to share your interests with others is deeply rewarding. It often enhances our enjoyment as opposed to doing it all alone.

Nowadays there's no lack of enthusiasts even in the smallest of niches. Just follow your passion and do what you enjoy, the others will be there. Much easier than trying to enjoy things you don't like, and building your social circles around that. Of course even then you need to be active at least to the point of finding the others out there, but I'd still contest it to be the easier way.

This is true, but it's also nice to have that support circle be folks you can interact with face-to-face. It's so much better. Not that online communities aren't also great.

For some reason, not having someone else look you in the eyes with a similar amount of excitement just isn't the same.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#479

Post by seibelj »

Waterluvian wrote: post #376
satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

> I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. When I lived in Waterloo, everyone was a software person or related so it wasn't a problem. But I moved to a small city where almost everyone is a factory worker of some sort for farming or auto industries. When someone asks and I say I'm a software engineer, it usually stops there. Or they'll say something along the lines…

If not automating jobs that could be automated was better for the world, then we would simply pay everyone unemployed to cut grass using scissors.

Productivity gains help the world by allowing more services and products to be provided at cheaper rates. This software engineer self-loathing I keep reading about is completely misguided, it's like you are expected to hate yourself for doing valuable labor.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#480

Post by chikien276 »

Waterluvian wrote: post #393

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

I always clear my mind one way or others before go to bed otherwise I will fall asleep at 4am or later. For me, they key point is to make me think about thing that I don't really know, or happens slowly and has mini pauses. For example watching/hearing a professional DotA 2 match, or snooker match.
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