Before reading the other comments: hm, not really, things could be better
After reading: My life is fantastic and I'm never going to complain ever again
Ask HN: Are you ok?
121–130 of 898 posts
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#122Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…
I'm not sure if your boss is the owner or simply a manager at your work, and I also don't know your location, but to me (not a lawyer) it sounds like you would have legal recourse against this treatment.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#123Still good in September. October still coping. November wondering how on earth I’ll manage 3 more months of total darkness. December to February a blur of slugging through the dark. March to September again great. That’s a year with SAD above 60 degrees north.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#124Earlier quoted context omitted.
Asking that question is the simple part. I am more curious what he actually does afterwards to reduce the stress..
I wouldn't dismiss the effect of simply asking the question. Often the boss can't do anything about it. But it's helpful for many employees to be at least heard.
I find that, almost all the time, in all of the places I have worked, I feel worse when a higher-up tries to make myself or the group feel less stressed. They have always, almost universally, tried to make it sound like it is not bad. Or they say, "Take time off, and do not respond to emails." And if you do that, the rest of the team gets crushed, and then you have an insane amount of work when you get back, which pretty much wipes out the time off (in 2 days or less).
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#125As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.
Is 0 a red flag also? :)
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#126Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…
> It's hard for me to believe that another job won't be the same thing.
Take a pay cut if you have to, just for a better work environment - even if you have to sell everything and move across the country. Ramen noodles and frozen vegetables are better than PTSD, and you'll find your way to a better paying job that better suits you.
And document these things that are happening. If your boss does any of this through email, save those emails.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#127Before reading the other comments: hm, not really, things could be better After reading: My life is fantastic and I'm never going to complain ever again
The stress level that I sense after reading the comments here is horrifying.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#128Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…
You are working in a TOXIC environment and obviously it's taking its toll. You have to get out, or at least transfer to another team. You wrote that you went to HR and they didn't help with your boss, but perhaps they CAN help moving you to another team. And you wrote that you're applying for other jobs - it can take time, just don't give up! > It's hard for me to believe that another job won't be the same thing It w…
Forgive if I missed something but where did the parent mention HR? I ask because I agree with your assesment about the environment they are in and my first thought was to ask "have you talked to anyone in HR?".
Otherwise totally agree, especially the part about not giving up!
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#129As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.
Is 0 a red flag also? :)
On a scale of 1 to 5, 0 is definitely some color flag.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#130Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…
Your situation is terrific. If flipping burgers can pay your living expenses, I would recommend to quit as soon as possible and search for a new job. Keep in mind that your life is more precious than everything else, especially a job.