I’ve been single all my life • Hacker News Board

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#441

Post by mettamage » Tue, Apr 18, 2023, 11:20 AM UTC

Traubenfuchs wrote: post #81

mettamage wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you don't mind me asking, how did you search actively? Why didn't it work out? I've also searched actively. It didn't work out in my case as well. Relationships are hard.

I am a 30 year old gay man living in a city of 2 million. By now, to some degree at least, I personally know every single gay man that passes my requirements regarding socioeconomic status, personality and physical attractivity. It didn‘t work out because they didn‘t want me, I didn‘t want them or chatting with them was so uninspiring, we didn‘t even meet. But to answer your question more concretely, generally it did…

Wow, thanks for sharing. This is quite insightful :)

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#442

Post by mock-possum » Tue, Apr 18, 2023, 8:32 PM UTC

tamrix wrote: post #322

mock-possum wrote: post #297

They’re single because they’re too scared to attempt to pursue a relationship. There is no mystery here, they outline it explicitly: > The obvious course of action when you are unsure about something is experimentation. However, a relationship isn’t an activity (like a job, hobby, or sport) to try and quit when you don’t like it. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. Naïve, self-defeating. every relationship is an experimen…

See that's the problem. Either party can just quit at any time. Get a house, couple kids and a retirement fund. Then have her watch sex in the city and have girls nights out. To divorce papers, child support, demestic abuse and losing your family. Sounds great casually but let's be real here. Someone's heart will get broken eventually. Unless you're going to marry a God fearing feminine unicorn. You have to agree the…

Sorry but are we complaining about women doing now? Watching tv shows? Going out with their friends??

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#443

Post by colinflane » Mon, Apr 24, 2023, 1:54 AM UTC

throwaway19423 wrote: post #430

JohnFen wrote: post #379

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My business partner (an extrovert, where I'm an introvert) put it this way: if you don't ask, the answer is always "no".

Here is the issue though .. as a man, if I am not interested in clubbing, going to the bar, art class, etc. where do I meet women to ask? This was the conundrum I was in throughout grad school. It is really, really hard. As I have aged, I know there is a flip side of the coin, where women also wonder where the "high quality" men are hiding. But it is way too hard. I do remember in my younger days approaching someone…

Others have said, but institutionalized settings can be good for getting the "vetting" out of the way. Why do so many romances originate in school? Because each and every participant recognizes everyone else is in the exact same position he is -- a subject of circumstance.

Streets, transportation -- these are low-filter interstices. Maximum wariness is warranted, really regardless of sex.

If you're not interested in going to the club, bar, art class -- what are you interested in? Seriously. It's tough. If your hobbies are sticking your head in the sand / introspective study (mine are), you will need to jump outside your comfort zone or else expect some degree of social resignation.