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How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality

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Re: How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality

#441

Post by logfromblammo »

ZenoArrow wrote: post #435
logfromblammo wrote: post #428

Earlier quoted context omitted.

She didn't ask for what she really wanted, so she didn't get it. This story is repeated every day, everywhere around the globe. She made a wish, and it was granted by a monkey's paw, or an evil genie, instead of a fairy godmother. Part of the job that I get paid for is to help people figure out how to say what they want in a way that other people can understand well enough to give that to them. The amount I get paid…

> "She didn't ask for what she really wanted, so she didn't get it." Incorrect. Read this... "My husband waited for me to change my mind to an "easier" gift than housecleaning, something he could one-click order on Amazon. Disappointed by my unwavering desire, the day before Mother's Day he called a single service, decided they were too expensive, and vowed to clean the bathrooms himself." The husband understood what…

I'm not presuming that this particular husband would have done any better if she had made a more precise request.

He didn't actually have the balls to just ignore the request and come up with his own gift idea, either. So this is definitely not entirely on the wife.

Re: How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality

#442

Post by alexandercrohde »

ZenoArrow wrote: post #440
alexandercrohde wrote: post #438

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What statistical evidence? I think a wide-ranging study on this topic would be interesting. However, I also don't know what the point would be of breaking it down by gender (any more than you'd break it down by race). Wouldn't you be better served to have instead spent that time figuring out how to fix the problem (how do you explain it effectively) rather than whom to blame?

> "What statistical evidence? I think a wide-ranging study on this topic would be interesting." Here's one study, there are others available online too... https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/09/170926105448.h...

Dude, I can't anymore. I thought this had nothing to do with chores but only "emotionally draining" things.

I don't know if I buy the premise there's a difference in which sex is drained more, I don't think you can extend an argument to a whole gender based on a % difference in averages, I don't know if it matters who is drained more, I don't know if the cause is cultural, I don't know the answer is blog posts rather than spouses just telling each other how they feel, I don't buy that this is a pressing problem worthy of my focus (as compared to say, pesticides).

I guess I don't know why I engaged with this article anymore, lol. But no worries, you tried to explain it and that sincerity counts for something.

Re: How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality

#444

Post by ada1981 »

ionised wrote: post #423
ada1981 wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Conflict in relationship, especially intimate relationships, is rarely about the content. It's typically that the context of the situation brings up an emotion that is taboo / off limits, one that the person has spent a life time avoiding. This avoidance is typically do to previous developmental or shock trauma. You can actually learn to use your conflicts as a psychedelic of sorts to do deep transformational work, i…

despite relationships being the single greatest predictor of health and life satisfaction. That predictor isn't specifically referring to romantic relationships, but all social relationships. That means family, friends, love, professional etc. It means that ideally, a person who has more of these things is more likely to be healthy and satisfied. Having a wife but no friends for example, isn't ideal, and vice versa.

I don't disagree with you, however the quality of ones romantic / intimate relationship is usually a good predictor of the quality of others.

Further, the tools for transforming Conflict are useful across a spectrum of relationship types.

Re: How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality

#445

Post by KirinDave »

zethraeus wrote: post #131
dan00 wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please don't directly connect irrationality with anxiety. Sure, there's a connection between the rational and emotional parts in humans, but this doesn't mean that being anxious automatically means being irrational. Quite a few fears have their origin in the childhood, when the rational parts of the brain haven't been that developed, and perhaps that's the reason why these fears can have such a deep impact. When thes…

As someone who often has anxiety: that anxiety is often irrational. Extrapolating fears rooted in one environment to another in which there is no danger is: 1) very human 2) irrational.

It's weird how people demand that anxiety must be irrational.

The alternative view is that it's actually a clear view of society and its systemic violence, and a recognition of that causes distress.

Re: How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality

#447

Post by deagle50 »

tejohnso wrote: post #348
aoenstkn4nto wrote: post #239

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> ""Emotional labor is the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a job." Isn't that what she's saying? She doesn't want to have to tip-toe around her husband's feelings the way she seems to have to. She spends a lot of emotional labor (or capital, if you prefer) trying not to point out obvious things like, "I shouldn't have to tell you to put away the thing you took out…

"I would not have to make the calls, get multiple quotes, research and vet each service, arrange payment and schedule the appointment. The real gift I wanted was to be relieved of the emotional labor" What she's saying is she wants to do less work, and then she throws the term "emotional labor" in there as though that's a catch-all description for any work that she normally does that she would rather not be doing. Bu…

The label helps to shame the other party into acquiescence.

Re: How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality

#448

Post by philjr »

nkrisc wrote: post #29

This is a topic where the more I learned about it the more I opened my eyes to it and saw it happening on my own life. I'm very easy going and there isn't much I get too worked up about. My wife, on the other hand, is a meticulous planner. I could see her getting stressed out making decisions for a vacation. I realized that by not caring, I wasn't helping and offloading the burden to her. Now I truly didn't care if w…

We've started using this for simpler decisions ala choosing a restaurant or a movie to watch.

The 5-2-1 game... You pick 5 things, she selects 2, you select the final. Or vice versa. Stops the back and forth and shares responsibility. It's literally removed the mental drain and occasional arguments about simple decisions. Sometimes we simplify it to 3-1, if the choices aren't available ... I pick 3 and she picks 1 or vice versa.

https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/5whgvh/lpt_if_...

Re: How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality

#449

Post by klipt »

ZenoArrow wrote: post #393
klipt wrote: post #291

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Women generally do that thinking Funny how the stereotype reverses after marriage. While dating, the trope (especially with platforms like OkCupid) is that the man has to perform all the emotional labor: He has to write tons of messages just to get a first date, pick a good restaurant (and pay for it!), be witty and entertaining all evening, and be just the right amount of seductive (but not come on too strong) in…

Dating isn't one-sided. A woman is still expected to be charming/interesting/fun to talk to. If a man sees dating as one-sided, are they really that interested in the person they're conversing with or are they just trying to trick them into bed?

> Dating isn't one-sided.

Initiating a relationship is indisputably one sided. The gender roles are so strong that many girls would rather say "when are you going to ask me out" than "will you go out with me"?

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